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Post by kls on Jan 13, 2019 13:01:17 GMT
My late husband didn't ask my father, but he asked my mother before he proposed.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2019 13:24:58 GMT
The answer to any question of "is _______ sexist?", is always "yes" under the right circumstances or asked of the right person.
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Post by kls on Jan 13, 2019 13:26:38 GMT
The answer to any question of "is _______ sexist?", is always "yes" under the right circumstances or asked of the right person. True. I was just wondering also if anyone though anything in regards to asking my mother instead. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2019 13:55:02 GMT
The answer to any question of "is _______ sexist?", is always "yes" under the right circumstances or asked of the right person. True. I was just wondering also if anyone though anything in regards to asking my mother instead. if it felt right to me, yes, after discussing with the bride to be. I might feel nervous about it though, hence the "if it felt right". |
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Jan 13, 2019 14:43:00 GMT
Its just plain stupid
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Post by hi224 on Jan 13, 2019 15:26:35 GMT
nope?.
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Post by ant-mac on Jan 13, 2019 15:53:36 GMT
I expect it depends upon the people involved and the circumstances.
However, in general, I'd have to say yes.
He is her father, not her owner.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2019 16:23:21 GMT
Depends on your culture.
I would say it's certainly outed and sexist in the west. But I believe it is still a common, albeit a gesture, in other cultures.
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Post by ck100 on Jan 13, 2019 16:42:55 GMT
I don't think it's necessary, but I see nothing wrong with doing it if you're a traditionalist.
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Post by permutojoe on Jan 13, 2019 19:17:32 GMT
If you know he's going to say yes, it's a feel good moment so do it. If you're not sure, I'd hold off.
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Post by NewtJorden on Jan 13, 2019 19:52:18 GMT
Outdated, yes. Sexist, no.
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Post by Nora on Jan 13, 2019 22:28:16 GMT
i see it as a courtesy and a romantic gesture more than anything else. but obviously shouldnt be done if the woman feels its somehow demeaning to her.
i personaly dont see it that way.
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Post by Pep Streebeck on Jan 14, 2019 4:33:09 GMT
My sister's husband met with our dad and asked him. I thought that was super cool.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Jan 14, 2019 16:39:11 GMT
It SHOULD be outdated/sexist. But whenever something like comes up I always hear the world "chivalrous", which should also be outdated/sexist. I usually back the notion of Feminism, but its draw back is that often they like to have their cake and eat it too.
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Post by politicidal on Jan 14, 2019 17:30:49 GMT
No. Overly formal imo but harmless.
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Eλευθερί
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Post by Eλευθερί on Jan 15, 2019 11:06:32 GMT
If the reason he is doing it is because the father is a man, yes.
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Post by PreachCaleb on Jan 15, 2019 14:07:23 GMT
Completely outdated. Why do you need an adult's permission to ask another adult for her hand in marriage?
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Eλευθερί
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Post by Eλευθερί on Jan 15, 2019 21:38:35 GMT
Is asking a woman's father for her hand in marriage outdated/sexist? My late husband didn't ask my father, but he asked my mother before he proposed. Completely outdated. Why do you need an adult's permission to ask another adult for her hand in marriage? How do you feel about a woman asking a man's father for the man's hand in marriage? Or a woman asking a man's mother for the man's hand in marriage? If any of these situations 'feels' funny (strange) compared to asking a woman's father for her hand in marriage, that's a big clue that asking a woman's father for her hand in marriage is sexist. |
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Post by Eλευθερί on Jan 15, 2019 21:47:38 GMT
It's fair to consider how well you will get along with potential future in-laws, especially mother-in-law or father-in-law, when considering whether to marry someone because usually you marry into a family when you marry someone--at least for a first marriage, for someone under about 35 or 40 years old. (Obviously, this does not apply in all cases.)
It's often the case that when you marry someone, on a certain level you may be accepting a responsibility for helping to care for your spouse's parents when they become elderly and infirm, a responsibility that can last for many years.
That doesn't mean that the parents should have veto power over their son's or daughter's marriage choice. But it is a reason to give a lot of thought to how well you will fit in with your spouse's family, especially if your spouse is close to his or her parents and other family members. When times get rough in a marriage down the road, things will be much harder if your spouse's family disliked you and/or disapproved of the marriage from the get-go.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2019 8:02:16 GMT
Yes, absolutely to both.
It's outdated because we do live in a more individualistic time and most of us don't live with our families until we die but rather branch out on our own. I'm sure that's not the case for everybody but most people don't live at home for as long as they did in the past. So it's no longer a situation where you need to get the parents permission because they are still the heads of the household you may be moving into after marriage.
It's sexist because it does imply that her father, a literal patriarch, has the final say-so as opposed to the woman you're marrying that presumably wants to marry you.
Now, with all that said, I think it's best to get on with their parents and I think asking for their blessing is totally fine and not a bad idea. It shows deference and respect to your future in-laws and the people she probably cares about the most. I think the important part would be understanding how she would feel about it rather than how outdated or sexist it might seem on a surface level.
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