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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 22, 2019 17:42:15 GMT
Know your audience before launching into a "blue comedy routine".
and on a related note
Try to remember that not everyone over twelve years old enjoys a fart or a fart joke.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 22, 2019 18:03:27 GMT
Try to remember when writing on-line, that written words do not always convey that what you are "saying" is meant as a "joke" ! SINCERE emojis are our friends.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 22, 2019 18:09:48 GMT
Add an apostrophe and a space and
IMPOSSIBLE
becomes
I'M POSSIBLE
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Post by Catman on Aug 22, 2019 18:14:27 GMT
Brew a really hot cup of tea, and you, too, can make an infinite improbability drive.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 22, 2019 19:50:15 GMT
Look both ways before you cross the street β¦ someone from the UK may be driving in an American town (or Vicey Versa !).
True story .. saw it happen β¦ had just been giving directions to a driver from Scotland and he drove out into the wrong lane and kept going.
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Post by ZolotoyRetriever on Aug 22, 2019 20:47:29 GMT
When driving, keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. And don't drive on the sidewalk.
Love your parents while you can. They won't be around forever.
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Post by ellynmacg on Aug 22, 2019 21:29:08 GMT
If you are taking tickets at a movie theater, do not assume that someone is a senior simply because the person has gray hair and a few facial lines.
Speaking of assuming, if you see a youngish woman with a large abdomen, do not ask her when she is due, or if she is having a boy or a girl (or twins), or if this is her first child. SHE MAY NOT BE PREGNANT.
If you see someone walking a dog and you would like to get better acquainted (with the dog), ASK first if you may pet the pooch. Failure to do so may result in injury (to you, not the dog).
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Post by ZolotoyRetriever on Aug 23, 2019 1:32:48 GMT
Never get involved in a land war in Asia. And while you're at it, never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
@Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2019 2:36:39 GMT
Always bet on the dolphin.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 23, 2019 3:07:14 GMT
Never let your sword rust to your scabbard.
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Post by ZolotoyRetriever on Aug 23, 2019 4:12:39 GMT
Never bring a knife to a gunfight.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 23, 2019 4:56:32 GMT
Try really hard not to go posting crazy when offered the opportunity to give out Free Advise !
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 23, 2019 14:40:16 GMT
If at first you don't succeed β¦ break down and read the Instruction Manual !
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Post by Catman on Aug 23, 2019 14:41:18 GMT
But don't trust the instruction manual to have the correct procedure.
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loofapotato
Junior Member
@loofapotato
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Post by loofapotato on Aug 23, 2019 15:04:44 GMT
But don't trust the instruction manual to have the correct procedure. Instructions in broken English from China are the greatests.
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loofapotato
Junior Member
@loofapotato
Posts: 3,974
Likes: 2,476
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Post by loofapotato on Aug 23, 2019 15:07:20 GMT
Cover your damn mouths when you sneeze or cough you peasant swines! while I agree in theory sometime a sneeze or cough is so unexpected and aggressive that you donβt make it soon enough with the hands to cover your mouth. But it should be obvious you made the effort. Balderdash! There's always enough time to cover when a cough is about to happen. As for sneezing, one can do what I always do by either holding in a sneeze OR sneezing through the sides of one's mouth to sound like Donald Duck!
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 23, 2019 15:08:54 GMT
loofapotato I was just working on a note to that effect β¦ something about having to translate the instructions in "English" into actual English !
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rogerthat
Sophomore
@rogerthat
Posts: 734
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Post by rogerthat on Aug 23, 2019 15:12:34 GMT
When dancing, try to avoid slamming into other people unless it is a mosh pit because then it's ok.
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Post by Catman on Aug 23, 2019 15:17:23 GMT
Don't expect your pets to behave like people.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Aug 23, 2019 15:18:06 GMT
Don't be surprised when people behave like animals.
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