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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 13, 2020 14:41:39 GMT
oh i see. well its not about independence, financial or otherwise. i know women dont have to “need” a man, especially not for financial security etc. I am just talking about how society treata you. You can be rich, independent, popular, have ton of friends etc, but if u are unmarried at a certain age u still face a lot of pressure, questions, sometimes pitty sometimes negative labels... Thats what I mean. Its not about the individual needing the man; is about how society treats them. Who cares what people think? As long as you are happy. I assume you would still have boyfriends. It's a nice sentiment you offer. But it's not easy to just disregard what everyone thinks of you. Most of us want to at least get along with others, feel regard for others and have others express regard for us. It does make it a more pleasant experience before we shuffle off this vale of tears.
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Post by movieliker on Nov 13, 2020 14:46:16 GMT
Who cares what people think? As long as you are happy. I assume you would still have boyfriends. It's a nice sentiment you offer. But it's not easy to just disregard what everyone thinks of you. Most of us want to at least get along with others, feel regard for others and have others express regard for us. It does make this mortal coil much easier to endure. No matter who you are, or what you do --- there are going to be those who disagree and/or criticize. I also assume she would have girlfriends who also are not married. Maybe even same age bachelor (male) friends. That would be her social support.
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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 13, 2020 15:01:00 GMT
It's a nice sentiment you offer. But it's not easy to just disregard what everyone thinks of you. Most of us want to at least get along with others, feel regard for others and have others express regard for us. It does make this mortal coil much easier to endure. No matter who you are, or what you do --- there are going to be those who disagree and/or criticize. I also assume she would have girlfriends who also are not married. Maybe even same age bachelor (male) friends. That would be her social support. I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying that being a social pariah is not the way most of us want to go through life.
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Post by movieliker on Nov 13, 2020 15:14:05 GMT
No matter who you are, or what you do --- there are going to be those who disagree and/or criticize. I also assume she would have girlfriends who also are not married. Maybe even same age bachelor (male) friends. That would be her social support. I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying that being a social pariah is not the way most of us want to go through life. Oh my goodness !!! Social pariah !!! What are you talking about ?? It's nobody's business whether you are married or single. Your only job is to be happy. Not fitting into some stupid social construct --- and miserable. I don't think as many people really care what you do, as you think. Most people are too busy living their own lives to worry about what you are doing. And the ones that do, either need to get a life. Or you don't want to be friends with those busy bodies. I don't know where you live. But down here, I know lots of single women who are over 30, 40, 50, etc. They don't complain at all about social pressure, judgement, prejudice or ostracism.
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senan90
Junior Member
@senan90
Posts: 1,452
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Post by senan90 on Nov 13, 2020 16:37:37 GMT
In a relationship and yes, not now but someday.
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Nov 13, 2020 16:44:16 GMT
No matter who you are, or what you do --- there are going to be those who disagree and/or criticize. I also assume she would have girlfriends who also are not married. Maybe even same age bachelor (male) friends. That would be her social support. I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying that being a social pariah is not the way most of us want to go through life. How is being single the same as being a social pariah ?
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Nov 13, 2020 16:46:16 GMT
Marriage, just like having children, isn't for everyone. It will always vary from person to person. Just do what you feel is right in your heart. Remember that you can have a happy life with someone regardless if you're married to them or not. True, and you can also live a happy life alone.
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Post by Nora on Nov 13, 2020 16:52:18 GMT
oh i see. well its not about independence, financial or otherwise. i know women dont have to “need” a man, especially not for financial security etc. I am just talking about how society treata you. You can be rich, independent, popular, have ton of friends etc, but if u are unmarried at a certain age u still face a lot of pressure, questions, sometimes pitty sometimes negative labels... Thats what I mean. Its not about the individual needing the man; is about how society treats them. Who cares what people think? As long as you are happy. I assume you would still have boyfriends. I agree, one should Not care. But from my own experience the pressure is so big that I personally think I would struggle with it. Especially within my family - seeing my parents sad and upset etc...
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Post by movieliker on Nov 13, 2020 16:59:27 GMT
Who cares what people think? As long as you are happy. I assume you would still have boyfriends. I agree, one should Not care. But from my own experience the pressure is so big that I personally think I would struggle with it. Especially within my family - seeing my parents sad and upset etc... Your parents should care more about your happiness, when it comes to your life, than their's. Expecting you to settle for anything you don't want, just to make them happy, is selfish of them.
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Post by TheOriginalPinky on Nov 13, 2020 17:05:01 GMT
Who cares what people think? As long as you are happy. I assume you would still have boyfriends. I agree, one should Not care. But from my own experience the pressure is so big that I personally think I would struggle with it. Especially within my family - seeing my parents sad and upset etc... The only one putting pressure on you is . . . you. They don't have that power.
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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 13, 2020 17:05:47 GMT
I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying that being a social pariah is not the way most of us want to go through life. Oh my goodness !!! Social pariah !!! What are you talking about ?? It's nobody's business whether you are married or single. Your only job is to be happy. Not fitting into some stupid social construct --- and miserable. I don't think as many people really care what you do, as you think. Most people are too busy living their own lives to worry about what you are doing. And the ones that do, either need to get a life. Or you don't want to be friends with those busy bodies. I don't know where you live. But down here, I know lots of single women who are over 30, 40, 50, etc. They don't complain at all about social pressure, judgement, prejudice or ostracism. yeah, I'm generally with you here... I do know of a group of gay guys who are as catty and judgmental and exclusive as they come. I am good friends with ONE of them (I think he's too good for them and have told him this)... in days long gone I used to do my best to fit in, but then I eventually got wise to a bunch of boring assholes
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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 13, 2020 17:07:42 GMT
I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying that being a social pariah is not the way most of us want to go through life. How is being single the same as being a social pariah ? One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. The mask I'm wearing has obviously left me with a diminished oxygen supply and it's affecting my brain!
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Post by movieliker on Nov 13, 2020 17:09:06 GMT
Oh my goodness !!! Social pariah !!! What are you talking about ?? It's nobody's business whether you are married or single. Your only job is to be happy. Not fitting into some stupid social construct --- and miserable. I don't think as many people really care what you do, as you think. Most people are too busy living their own lives to worry about what you are doing. And the ones that do, either need to get a life. Or you don't want to be friends with those busy bodies. I don't know where you live. But down here, I know lots of single women who are over 30, 40, 50, etc. They don't complain at all about social pressure, judgement, prejudice or ostracism. yeah, I'm generally with you here... I do know of a group of gay guys who are as catty and judgmental and exclusive as they come. I am good friends with ONE of them (I think he's too good for them and have told him this)... in days long gone I used to do my best to fit in, but then I eventually got wise to a bunch of boring assholes People who are always critizing and ridiculing others to you behind their backs, are probably criticizing and ridiculing you behind your back.
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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 13, 2020 17:11:17 GMT
yeah, I'm generally with you here... I do know of a group of gay guys who are as catty and judgmental and exclusive as they come. I am good friends with ONE of them (I think he's too good for them and have told him this)... in days long gone I used to do my best to fit in, but then I eventually got wise to a bunch of boring assholes People who are always critizing and ridiculing others to you behind their backs, are probably criticizing and ridiculing you behind your back. oh, I have no doubt
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Post by moviemouth on Nov 13, 2020 17:33:28 GMT
I think you misunderstood my question. Gameboy was saying that marriage is now being pushed on homosexuals in order to get them to stop being promiscuous. This makes no sense to me from a liberal or conservative side. As if the latter would think that would stop deviants from being devious. Their POV, not mine. Yes, I just took your last part of the comment about which side would be more in favor of same-sex marriage. I see what you mean.
It doesn't seem to make much sense, especially from my pov and comment regarding more conservatives being opposed to same-sex marriage, so I hardly think they would be pushing for it at all to stop any promiscuity, and liberals just seem to want for the equality and I doubt the promiscuity aspect would even be in contention for them.
Just to digress a little on the promiscuity aspect, there does seem to be a notion by straight people, that gay people are just horny little f<>kers and that's all they want to do is have sex with each other. I heard it from the mouth of a straight buddy the other day, who was citing another friend of his. That doesn't make much sense to me either. There is about 7.5 billion people on this planet and it takes a lot of horny straight people to create that number.
I agree with all of that. I even have the notion that gay men do a lot more fucking, simply because it is all men, though I realize this is just a stereotype that might not be true. The stereotype even in the straight community is that men have the desire to have sex more than women. Even slut shaming plays into this idea that women shouldn't be promiscuous, but men get compliments for how many different women they have sex with. Being a player is considered a good thing. I'd like to hear your take on that.
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Post by Nora on Nov 14, 2020 0:04:19 GMT
I agree, one should Not care. But from my own experience the pressure is so big that I personally think I would struggle with it. Especially within my family - seeing my parents sad and upset etc... Your parents should care more about your happiness, when it comes to your life, than their's. Expecting you to settle for anything you don't want, just to make them happy, is selfish of them. yes, perhaps they should and perhaps they do/did, for me it wasnt a problem to get married, to someone I love and was in a serious relationship at that time anyway, but I know that had I been single my parents would be sad. They are conservative, and of course they would want my happiness and they do, and perhaps I wouldnt be happy single or I would be, who knows, but knowing them I know it was somewhat important to see me get married. And it was no problem on my side.
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Post by Nora on Nov 14, 2020 0:07:23 GMT
I agree, one should Not care. But from my own experience the pressure is so big that I personally think I would struggle with it. Especially within my family - seeing my parents sad and upset etc... The only one putting pressure on you is . . . you. They don't have that power. true, thats why I said I simply dont think I would be brave enough, to have to deal with it. I know my limitations. For now. It is Entirely possible that when one gets older one is wiser and more resilient, I know already that at 40 I care much less about what people think of me than when I was 20-30, but I cannot say I am completely free of caring about how the people around me or the society views me. Maybe one day I will be. Maybe its good. Maybe not so much, who knows. I dont know. I guess there is healthy limits for everything. My point was that I hope that the women who dont get married feel no societal pressure to do so, and if they do, then that they are able to handle it. Nobody should feel less of a quality person because they are not married. And I think the society places this burden of expectations and judgement more on women than they do on men.
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Post by movieliker on Nov 14, 2020 0:21:14 GMT
The only one putting pressure on you is . . . you. They don't have that power. true, thats why I said I simply dont think I would be brave enough, to have to deal with it. I know my limitations. For now. It is Entirely possible that when one gets older one is wiser and more resilient, I know already that at 40 I care much less about what people think of me than when I was 20-30, but I cannot say I am completely free of caring about how the people around me or the society views me. Maybe one day I will be. Maybe its good. Maybe not so much, who knows. I dont know. I guess there is healthy limits for everything. My point was that I hope that the women who dont get married feel no societal pressure to do so, and if they do, then that they are able to handle it. Nobody should feel less of a quality person because they are not married. And I think the society places this burden of expectations and judgement more on women than they do on men. People respect those who are courageous enough to do what they want, in spite of what others think. If you care about what's others think, they will probably respect you more if do what you want. Instead of doing what you think others think you ought to do.
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Post by movieliker on Nov 14, 2020 0:23:14 GMT
Your parents should care more about your happiness, when it comes to your life, than their's. Expecting you to settle for anything you don't want, just to make them happy, is selfish of them. yes, perhaps they should and perhaps they do/did, for me it wasnt a problem to get married, to someone I love and was in a serious relationship at that time anyway, but I know that had I been single my parents would be sad. They are conservative, and of course they would want my happiness and they do, and perhaps I wouldnt be happy single or I would be, who knows, but knowing them I know it was somewhat important to see me get married. And it was no problem on my side. You are married? Do you love your husband? How does he feel?
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Post by Nora on Nov 14, 2020 0:33:49 GMT
true, thats why I said I simply dont think I would be brave enough, to have to deal with it. I know my limitations. For now. It is Entirely possible that when one gets older one is wiser and more resilient, I know already that at 40 I care much less about what people think of me than when I was 20-30, but I cannot say I am completely free of caring about how the people around me or the society views me. Maybe one day I will be. Maybe its good. Maybe not so much, who knows. I dont know. I guess there is healthy limits for everything. My point was that I hope that the women who dont get married feel no societal pressure to do so, and if they do, then that they are able to handle it. Nobody should feel less of a quality person because they are not married. And I think the society places this burden of expectations and judgement more on women than they do on men. People respect those who are courageous enough to do what they want, in spite of what others think. If you care about what's others think, they will probably respect you more if do what you want. Instead of doing what you think others think you ought to do. I do what I want. I wouldnt marry if it was something I was against. It just was not important to me, the institution of it. thats all.
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