Post by The Social Introvert on Nov 24, 2017 14:34:58 GMT
Video version:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItfYjOJ7_gQ
What the hell. What the hell. What is this shit, seriously? Whose idea was it to make a sequel to The Mask and leave out the film’s best element, Jim Carrey, the only reason the movie worked? Where is this person, where can he be found, so that we can rip out his fingernails and peel the skin off his bones with them? Where does he live, so we declare war on the land he was born unto? Because this travesty that is Son of the Mask does not deserve to go without punishment for all those involved with the production.
To be fair, I’m probably giving the movie too much credit. Maybe it was intended to be made as direct to dvd crap hoping that people would pick it up off store shelves based on the name. Still, that’s no excuse for the royal stinking piece of blue shit that the film turned out to be.
Seriously, it is painful. It was honestly physically painful sitting through this. I could feel my body deteriorating, my mind melting and the very essence of the human condition being called into question. I felt sorry for the buffoons who had to star in this, but that quickly sorrow turned into uncompromising rage after remembering that I was the one who had to sit through it. You know what makes it worse? I saw this after flying out to a foreign country, where they don’t exactly watch movies and don’t really know what makes a great one. This film was something I pulled off a store shelf as it was one of the few films that was available in that place and then we watched it. I recognised it as the suicide assistor that it was but these guys I was with, these guys I was bunking with at the time, they found it hilarious. Side splitting. Because they had seen very few films before. It was like that part in Tropic Thunder where in the Vietnam village Simple Jack is the best film the people can get, and they love it to pieces. So there’s me, looking for bleach to wash my eyes out with, whilst everyone around me is roaring with knee-slapping laughter, pushing me further into a downward spiral of depression and despair.
It is an absolute shit show of shitness. Honesty, admitting you’ve seen it is embarrassing. Making a review for it, like I have done, is embarrassing, watching a review for it, like you’re doing is embarrassing, and if you actually like this film…well then, I hope your nuts get crushed in an industrial accident so you can’t contaminate the rest of the world with your genes. The highlight of it, to put things into perspective, is when the main character gets pissed on by his infant son. I was bloody cackling and hissing at the same time while that was going on, it was all I could do to keep going, hoping that this stupid bastard was actually getting pissed on.
The story is about a dickhead who finds this mask and conceives a son with his Mrs, wait for it, “born of the mask”. What does that even mean? Did they both get jiggy with it in bed using the mask as a erotic toy, I don’t know? After the baby is born it does load of weird stuff which creeps the dad out and then some other shit happens.
Nothing, absolutely nothing in this film was entertaining. It wasn’t funny for even a second. It was the opposite. The blandness, crap special effects and the ineffective main actor Jamie Kennedy were really making my blood boil. And I watched this when I was a kid, do don’t dare try and shield the film with the “Oh it’s made for kids though” excuse. I aged, bloody 3 decades watching these moronic imbeciles trying and failing to squeeze out an atom’s worth of charisma that Jim Carrey possessed from their useless bodies. And you know what, it’s actually scary. You know the whole thing about uncanny valley, well that’s on steroids here because this baby that the mask latches onto genuinely looks terrifying. It looks like Gollum’s ugly step sister.
Son of the Mask is a joyless turd. Nothing even happens for any reason. This psyco baby tries to throw his dad in the looney bin, and the family dog is trying to kill the baby. Why though? I don’t know. Who gives a shit? Clearly not the filmmakers. This film gets a thoroughly deserved 1 out of 10.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItfYjOJ7_gQ
What the hell. What the hell. What is this shit, seriously? Whose idea was it to make a sequel to The Mask and leave out the film’s best element, Jim Carrey, the only reason the movie worked? Where is this person, where can he be found, so that we can rip out his fingernails and peel the skin off his bones with them? Where does he live, so we declare war on the land he was born unto? Because this travesty that is Son of the Mask does not deserve to go without punishment for all those involved with the production.
To be fair, I’m probably giving the movie too much credit. Maybe it was intended to be made as direct to dvd crap hoping that people would pick it up off store shelves based on the name. Still, that’s no excuse for the royal stinking piece of blue shit that the film turned out to be.
Seriously, it is painful. It was honestly physically painful sitting through this. I could feel my body deteriorating, my mind melting and the very essence of the human condition being called into question. I felt sorry for the buffoons who had to star in this, but that quickly sorrow turned into uncompromising rage after remembering that I was the one who had to sit through it. You know what makes it worse? I saw this after flying out to a foreign country, where they don’t exactly watch movies and don’t really know what makes a great one. This film was something I pulled off a store shelf as it was one of the few films that was available in that place and then we watched it. I recognised it as the suicide assistor that it was but these guys I was with, these guys I was bunking with at the time, they found it hilarious. Side splitting. Because they had seen very few films before. It was like that part in Tropic Thunder where in the Vietnam village Simple Jack is the best film the people can get, and they love it to pieces. So there’s me, looking for bleach to wash my eyes out with, whilst everyone around me is roaring with knee-slapping laughter, pushing me further into a downward spiral of depression and despair.
It is an absolute shit show of shitness. Honesty, admitting you’ve seen it is embarrassing. Making a review for it, like I have done, is embarrassing, watching a review for it, like you’re doing is embarrassing, and if you actually like this film…well then, I hope your nuts get crushed in an industrial accident so you can’t contaminate the rest of the world with your genes. The highlight of it, to put things into perspective, is when the main character gets pissed on by his infant son. I was bloody cackling and hissing at the same time while that was going on, it was all I could do to keep going, hoping that this stupid bastard was actually getting pissed on.
The story is about a dickhead who finds this mask and conceives a son with his Mrs, wait for it, “born of the mask”. What does that even mean? Did they both get jiggy with it in bed using the mask as a erotic toy, I don’t know? After the baby is born it does load of weird stuff which creeps the dad out and then some other shit happens.
Nothing, absolutely nothing in this film was entertaining. It wasn’t funny for even a second. It was the opposite. The blandness, crap special effects and the ineffective main actor Jamie Kennedy were really making my blood boil. And I watched this when I was a kid, do don’t dare try and shield the film with the “Oh it’s made for kids though” excuse. I aged, bloody 3 decades watching these moronic imbeciles trying and failing to squeeze out an atom’s worth of charisma that Jim Carrey possessed from their useless bodies. And you know what, it’s actually scary. You know the whole thing about uncanny valley, well that’s on steroids here because this baby that the mask latches onto genuinely looks terrifying. It looks like Gollum’s ugly step sister.
Son of the Mask is a joyless turd. Nothing even happens for any reason. This psyco baby tries to throw his dad in the looney bin, and the family dog is trying to kill the baby. Why though? I don’t know. Who gives a shit? Clearly not the filmmakers. This film gets a thoroughly deserved 1 out of 10.
