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Post by lenlenlen1 on Jan 11, 2018 15:11:28 GMT
Blonde joke! A blind man enters a bar and finds his way to a stool. After he orders a drink and is sitting down for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The place suddenly becomes quiet. The woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blond, and I'm 6’ tall pound blonde with a belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blond and is a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Nah. Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.” LMFAO!!!
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Jokes
Jan 11, 2018 15:14:23 GMT
Post by lenlenlen1 on Jan 11, 2018 15:14:23 GMT
A man is sitting in a pub when he notices his friend, whom he hadn't expected to see, walk in. "I didn't think you'd be in here tonight. Weren't to going to some disco or other?" "That was the idea but it didn't work out." "Why, what happened?" "Well it was all going fine at first, I was dancing with everyone else and having a good time." "And . .. ?" "When they played The Jump, I jumped. When they played The Twist, I twisted but when they played Come on Eileen, they threw me out!" OH NO YOU DIDNT!!!
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Jan 11, 2018 15:27:42 GMT
Here is a joke for you
SPIT-TAKES! LMFAO! HAHHAHHAHAHAHH HAH HAHHAHHAHHHAH HAHHHAHHAHHHAH OH SHIT!!! HAHHAHHAH COUGH HAH HAHH lolllololoL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COUGH cough
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2018 1:46:35 GMT
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2018 2:16:40 GMT
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
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Jokes
Jan 12, 2018 2:18:29 GMT
Post by Catman on Jan 12, 2018 2:18:29 GMT
What's the difference between a duck? One leg is farther apart than the other.
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Post by mikef6 on Jan 12, 2018 6:10:49 GMT
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Post by mikef6 on Jan 12, 2018 6:12:38 GMT
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Say, what is this, some kinda joke?"
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Post by mikef6 on Jan 12, 2018 6:16:00 GMT
A man runs his car off the road at night but he manages to jump out and grab a tree branch. Now, he is hanging by his hands over total darkness. He calls for help. "Is there anybody out there?" A voice come back saying, "You're all right. Just let go of the branch and you'll be fine." He looks down, then up and calls, "Is anybody ELSE up there?"
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Post by deembastille on Jan 12, 2018 12:30:42 GMT
An Irishman walks OUT of a bar.
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Post by mikef6 on Jan 13, 2018 1:42:42 GMT
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so.”
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
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Post by mikef6 on Jan 13, 2018 1:44:32 GMT
The day before Easter, an old man in Norway calls his son in Australia and tells him,”Son, I’m really sorry but I have to tell you that your mother and I are splitting up. We can’t live with each other any more.”
The son is distraught and shouts down the phone at his father, “Dad, what are you talking about?”
The father replies, “It’s just that we can’t stand the sight of each other any more. And I’m sick of talking about this, so will you call your sister in Japan and tell her?”
The father than hangs up, and the son frantically calls his sister, who’s equally distraught and exclaims, “Like heck they’re getting divorced! Leave it to me, I’ll take care of this.”
So she calls her father and shouts down the phone at him, “You are not getting divorced! Don’t you dare to do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t you dare do a thing about this. Do you hear me Dad?”
She then hangs up, at which point the father hangs up his phone, turns to his wife and says, “Okay honey, they’re both coming for Easter and paying their own flight ticket.”
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Jokes
Jan 13, 2018 14:53:45 GMT
Post by koskiewicz on Jan 13, 2018 14:53:45 GMT
...know why blondes don't use vibrators??? chips their teeth
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Post by BATouttaheck on Jan 19, 2018 16:19:58 GMT
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Post by Nalkarj on Jan 21, 2018 2:26:21 GMT
A young boy enters a barber shop.
The barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch me; I’ll prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
“Well, gee, mister,” says the boy, “two is more than one, so I’ll take the quarters, please!”
He takes them and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” the barber says to his customer. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why’d you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licks his cone and replies, “Obvious, bud. The day I take the dollar, game’s over!”
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Post by deembastille on Jan 21, 2018 2:37:45 GMT
joke from my niece from my quote...
WHY IS SIX AFRAID OF SEVEN?
cause seven eight nine
and if i have to explain why this is funny when a three and a half year old finds it hysterical, may i direct you to the three nursemaids you are entitled to...
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Post by Nalkarj on Jan 21, 2018 2:39:22 GMT
No worries, deembastille, your niece’s joke is far superior than the one I came up with when I was around three: I never did receive credit for any great intelligence, now, did I…?
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Post by Catman on Jan 21, 2018 2:47:36 GMT
joke from my niece from my quote... WHY IS SIX AFRAID OF SEVEN? cause seven eight nine and if i have to explain why this is funny when a three and a half year old finds it hysterical, may i direct you to the three nursemaids you are entitled to... That joke was also featured in an episode of Dexter's Lab.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Jan 21, 2018 3:01:47 GMT
Three French cats were walking on a frozen lake on a sunny day. The ice broke and
Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq
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Post by Nalkarj on Jan 21, 2018 22:35:32 GMT
One of the worst jokes I’ve heard in a while (which is why I’m treating you kind souls to it…)
Sound it out…
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