I Kind Of Feel Sorry For DC Fans

The DCEU is that goth/emo kid in high school who used to be kinda cute as a toddler and all the grannies cooed over him. Now he's hit puberty, slathered on white makeup and dyed his hair extra black (it's already black!). He then refuses to look at anyone in eye, wears an overly long black coat and swooshes' around in heavy textured combat boots cuz he desperately wants to be in a Marilyn Manson video. And when the grannies wonder what happened to him and his parents try to get him to open (hey try something normal, you might get girls); he refuses and insists on over dramatic rock tunes that talk about death and darkness (think nine inch nails and early Linkin Park). The DCEU like this goth dude, has zero friends (partly because he's alienated them: think those who loved Christopher Reeve movies and TDK) and doesn't even try to get new ones. Instead he sulks around, reads grim-dark angel comics and broods when the teacher announces a school trip. It doesn't help that the only area available for him to sit in class is the corner where he is forced to listen to girls swoon over the golden boy MCU.

To the goth kid, the golden boy is everything he hates but the golden boy MCU doesn't mind the goth kid at all and even acknowledges him occasionally but the goth!DCEU just can't be bothered and just wishes he'd shut the eff up and disappear. This is cuz the MCU is tall, built like a brick and is blond with blue eyes. He's super popular with the staff, the cheer-leading squad, and even some of the losers. He has a gaggle of chad friends who high five each other in the hallway and they don't even need to try to get good grades. How can Goth!DCEU even compete? So he starts flunking gym class and the days where he has to go - he can't keep racking up detention hours forever - goth!DCEU has to watch the athletic prowess of chad!MCU. The MCU gains 14 straight wins in a row and when it's the DCEU's turn he gives a middling performance at best (Man of Steel). So goth!DCEU vows to compete academically and he thinks his magnum opus will be rewarded during the class presentation. I mean he can be a good speaker when he wants to be - yet his attempt at a philosophical thesis where he meshes Greek, Roman and Judeo-Christian ideas into a weird hodgepodge of bonkers is simply met with befuddled stares by his classmates and his teacher thinks he might be a potential cat-killer. This is clearly not the reaction goth!DCEU wanted and when the pretty girls giggle and CHAD!MCU slings an arm around one of them, goth!DCEU just loses it vowing to win the supposed battle.

Chad!MCU meanwhile is perplexed and laughs some more, then his chad friends join and the teacher smirks like "SURE JAN". Emotionally embarrassed, goth!DCEU starts sending death threats and storms out the class before the teacher could call the cops. He is thus branded a weirdo though chad!MCU does admit that he feels sorry for him but it's too late cuz rumors spread about goth!DCEU about his weirdness. So Goth!DCEU retreats even further into dark, grim and brooding and for his assignment vows to add a few ironic jokes (Justice League). The entire assignment is about where he hopes to be in the future but all he wants to present is a black screen with a creepy face where you're unsure if it's laughing or frowning. However, this defiant edge-lord attitude gains him two fans (a nebbish weirdo with bad acne and a gangly sunlight deprived basket case) that go on a mission to defend him wherever they go. They memorize the dictionary for pretentious words, write long treatises and read Shakespeare to find insults to hurl. They find goth!DCEU lurking around during recess and they just go stand next to him. Goth! DCEU hates that someone even dared come near him and he moves aside but the two weird kids follow him and they show him their fan-art. They titter on like losers about how cool his outburst was and how they hate chad!MCU and as if on cue, chad!MCU walks past with his large posse and admirers, they roar in laughter and hop into his expensive billion dollar Lamborghini, a marvel to behold but little did goth! DCEU know, was that his deep murderous frown was mirrored by the two losers next to him. One of the losers then takes out a phone and plays: "you make me wanna die" revealing knife scars on his wrist and goth!DCEU gets an idea and decides to rope the two losers into it. Something which most definitely won't end well.