OT: Which JCEU film are you looking forward to the most?
Aug 10, 2018 21:22:54 GMT
_, No Morpho, Only Bánh mì, and 2 more like this
Post by Salzmank on Aug 10, 2018 21:22:54 GMT
Do we have plots for these?
Jesus Begins covers the Nativity, the Escape to Egypt, the Finding in the Temple. It ends with John the Baptist, a cool black dude with an eyepatch (played by…c’mon, do I really have to say?), baptizing Jesus and then saying, “Have you heard of the Holy Trinity Project?”
Jesus Returns involves Jesus’s exile to the desert to be tested by his mortal enemy, the Devil—but actually there’s a twist! He’s under surveillance by John the Baptist, following closely behind in a helicopter, the Salome (yes, this is a Biblical joke), at all times—but then John’s chopper crashes, and the J-Man is left all on his own. But he somehow manages to outwit the Devil—and return!
The White Knight is of course the climax of Stage I. Jesus goes from town to town, gaining “The Ass-Kicking Apostles,” including Rocky, Marco, and Andy the Mandy. He also has to choose between two gorgeous dames: the mysterious Judi Siscariot and the charming Maid Marion of Magdalene. SPOILER: There’s a twist that you won’t see coming—leading to Jesus’s toughest challenge yet: dying on a cross!
The White Knight Rises is the gripping story of how Jesus goes mano-a-mano, in the ring, with DEATH ITSELF! And he beats it, coming back—rising—coincidentally on a Christian holiday called Easter, shocking the Ass-Kicking Apostles and proving that the J-Man is The Man to Maid Marion!
Jesus v Satan: Dawn of Heaven begins with Jesus’s bodily ascension to heaven, where he joins forces with his father, God the Dad (played by Sean Connery), and his crazy aunt, God the Spiritual-but-Not-Religious (played by Catherine O’Hara), to defeat the evil plans of Satan once and for all!
In The Holy Trinity, John the Baptist’s ghost tells Jesus that God the Dad and God the Spiritual-but-Not-Religious are actually puppets of Satan! Can Jesus really trust his newfound teammates? Will the Ass-Kicking Apostles be jealous when they found out about the new team? Or will everyone have to join together to beat Satan’s newest creation—the Beast from the Sea?
Finally, in The Holy Trinity: Age of Lucifer, it appears that Satan and the Beast from the Sea have taken over the whole world once and for all. With Jesus not knowing whom to trust now, he consults an old priest (Barry Fitzgerald, back from the dead) who wants him to pray for guidance. Jesus, not realizing that this story is getting metafictional and that Salzmank is writing whatever gibberish pops into his head, decides to reinvent himself as a James Bond-like spy—and beat the Lucifer once and for all. But can he do it alone, or does he need the Power of FriendshipTM?
1. Salzmank has too much time on his hands. In his defense, he’s sitting in a hot train with nothing to do.
2. I knew Sunday-school lessons would pay off some day!
Jesus Begins covers the Nativity, the Escape to Egypt, the Finding in the Temple. It ends with John the Baptist, a cool black dude with an eyepatch (played by…c’mon, do I really have to say?), baptizing Jesus and then saying, “Have you heard of the Holy Trinity Project?”
Jesus Returns involves Jesus’s exile to the desert to be tested by his mortal enemy, the Devil—but actually there’s a twist! He’s under surveillance by John the Baptist, following closely behind in a helicopter, the Salome (yes, this is a Biblical joke), at all times—but then John’s chopper crashes, and the J-Man is left all on his own. But he somehow manages to outwit the Devil—and return!
The White Knight is of course the climax of Stage I. Jesus goes from town to town, gaining “The Ass-Kicking Apostles,” including Rocky, Marco, and Andy the Mandy. He also has to choose between two gorgeous dames: the mysterious Judi Siscariot and the charming Maid Marion of Magdalene. SPOILER: There’s a twist that you won’t see coming—leading to Jesus’s toughest challenge yet: dying on a cross!
The White Knight Rises is the gripping story of how Jesus goes mano-a-mano, in the ring, with DEATH ITSELF! And he beats it, coming back—rising—coincidentally on a Christian holiday called Easter, shocking the Ass-Kicking Apostles and proving that the J-Man is The Man to Maid Marion!
Jesus v Satan: Dawn of Heaven begins with Jesus’s bodily ascension to heaven, where he joins forces with his father, God the Dad (played by Sean Connery), and his crazy aunt, God the Spiritual-but-Not-Religious (played by Catherine O’Hara), to defeat the evil plans of Satan once and for all!
In The Holy Trinity, John the Baptist’s ghost tells Jesus that God the Dad and God the Spiritual-but-Not-Religious are actually puppets of Satan! Can Jesus really trust his newfound teammates? Will the Ass-Kicking Apostles be jealous when they found out about the new team? Or will everyone have to join together to beat Satan’s newest creation—the Beast from the Sea?
Finally, in The Holy Trinity: Age of Lucifer, it appears that Satan and the Beast from the Sea have taken over the whole world once and for all. With Jesus not knowing whom to trust now, he consults an old priest (Barry Fitzgerald, back from the dead) who wants him to pray for guidance. Jesus, not realizing that this story is getting metafictional and that Salzmank is writing whatever gibberish pops into his head, decides to reinvent himself as a James Bond-like spy—and beat the Lucifer once and for all. But can he do it alone, or does he need the Power of FriendshipTM?
1. Salzmank has too much time on his hands. In his defense, he’s sitting in a hot train with nothing to do.
2. I knew Sunday-school lessons would pay off some day!