Post by Toasted Cheese on Aug 14, 2018 10:18:23 GMT
Aug 12, 2018 3:07:14 GMT Nora said:
Aug 12, 2018 0:59:29 GMT @nxnwrocks said:
What was the reason?3 times so far.
1. this was a long term friendship, about 7 years or so and I am still a bit upset that I let it drag on so long, since I realized this person was an emotional vampire quite early on. But she did have some good qualities and was very fond of me and that made it hard for me to cut the friendship. Finally last year she gave me a real eye opening reason (lying to me about something that was important to me) and that was the last straw. I wrote her a letter explaining the situation and telling her why we are "breaking up" since I would hate to just walk away without her knowin why. I mean I had mentioned her negativity and constant emotional support neediness before, and she tried to improve but it seemed like whenever she improved somethign another major flaw became bigger. I think she is a good person, just not a good fit for a friendship with me.
2. this was a horrible person that became friends with me for the wrong reasons and it was fairly quick for me to find out and cut her off after those were recognized. easy.
3. this was again a very needy and negative person and on top of all of it we had NO common interest other than mutual (very good and dear) friends, so breaking up with her was not the first thing my mind would go to but became fairly easy once she gave me a reason and made it clear for me that she really is just giant hole where energy goes to and negativity comes back out from. victim personality combined with extreme bitternes.
all of these times my life became easier afterwards and included less negativity. I am now learning how not to attract these personalities and how not to give into their requirements/needs masking as friendship. Since apparently, its about me, I cause it that they feel invited to my life, not them.
So if you are wondering if breaking up with a friend is possible and could lead to something good in your life: absolutely.
Like they say Nora, friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
If there is too much taking from one side of the party and not enough giving back, I have done exactly the same thing.
I have given many people away for various reasons that I might attempt to justify, but ultimately it is due to personal interests and change within myself. If the others aren't on the same wavelength, some will just naturally drop away and others will fall into place. It is what it is.
I had a few high school mates that I hung out with about 5yrs after we left and went to work, but since they were all straight and I was still struggling to accept myself and trying to hide, I found it a challenge and a chore to keep in good stead with them. Hets and Homos don't often make a good mix. Once the girls started entering the picture as well, buddies can naturally drop away as well.
I had a female friend for 25yrs and we had a couple of tear apart moments and then made up again, but it was always me that made the first move again and in a normal way. When she attempted once, it was done stupidly. She was really a potty and quite ridiculous person with not much common sense and was always jealous of others. She also projected a heck of a lot of negativity that I would just feel drained by her and she wouldn't listen to reason—hence the lack of common sense—played devil's advocate at times just to be spiteful and did it once too often with me and I felt like I couldn't really forgive her.
She dragged people down, even her husband and when I phoned and her hubby answered if she wasn't there, he would load shed onto me about how she was carrying on. I just thought that my relationship with her was also affecting her marriage because she was always making comparisons to how lucky I was to have my freedom. She had 2 kids as well. Sorry love! You made your choices.
The sad part is, is that we did also have plenty of things in common and she was very generous with me, as I was with her. The thing is, when she was uber generous with me, I was reluctant to accept her offer as I knew what she could be like. I accepted as it was an offering and something I didn't ask for and as I suspected, it suddenly got thrown back at me when I called her out on something at a later stage. I had to ask her if she was trying to buy my friendship as if she had expectations or conditions on her giving. I also mentioned that I had done similar for her within my own means. She didn't argue with that. She did have serious entitlement issues and once when I told her I was going to give her some cash, before I got around to giving it to her which was only a few minutes away, she demanded I give her some money because of what she had done for me. Sheesh! She was a bright hole, that could turn black in the blink of an eye.