Post by staggerstag on Aug 25, 2018 20:54:54 GMT
Okay, it's not really a quiz. But it had me scratching my head trying to work out just which food was what. It's called the Family Crunch Box, a contradiction in itself : the nearest to something crunchy on offer here is the box that this unsightly and absolutely vomit-inducing collection of gastro-disasters is wedged into. It costs £10 (USD13) and can be bought at a takeaway in Greenock, Scotland, though I dare say similar monstrosities are available throughout the UK. The owner of the outlet, a Mr Bahadur Singh, says of the abomination-in-a-box : "Everything is cooked in fat but the dish is big enough for three or four people to share."
That's fine, only a pig would scoff the whole lot himself, but it's the colour, the texture, the state of the food that repels me and not really the quantity of it. So even with a list of the box's contents (two sausages, five onion rings, potato fritters, two pizza slices, two hamburgers, two chicken nuggets, and two slabs of unnamed fish on a bed of chips - all of which, save the chips; they're merely deep fried - are battered and deep-fried. I was still left struggling to identify a chicken nugget from a potato fritter. I thought at first sight the chicken nuggets were Centre Right but that didn't make sense because there were three sad-looking balls of something looking more like refugees from a Chinese Takeaway - and there's only meant to be two nuggets. So, they must be the potato fritters? Yes, the chicken nuggets are squashed Bottom Centre/Right, those two anaemic looking shapeless bundles of Christ Knows What.
I spent a good thirty seconds trying to identify the two slices of pizza as advertised. I can't find them. There are two pizza-slice shaped things at Top Centre but they seem devoid of toppings. Where's the colour? Everything's so Arizona desert-coloured. Like a godawful assemblage of smashed up sand castles. But then I remember everything here is deep fried, including the pizza slices. Great, it's beginning to make sense.
Those must be the fish, Bottom Centre, all flat, squashed, looking more like two old sunburnt leather soles come loose from a twenty year old pair of workman's boots. Again, no visible crunch, nothing but grease-ridden unappetizing late night post-alcohol convenience fodder, limp, lame, colourless.
There's the onion rings, Bottom Left, bastard offspring of Krispy Kreme ring doughnuts, soft, gooey and nothing but their shape to differentiate themselves from the rest of their surroundings.
Take a look at the two sausages at Top Left. In fact, don't. And buried like dead bodies under all of this is a coffin-floor of chips, even greasier than they were when first thrown into the box thanks to the extra leakage of fat from the food that smothers them.
Would you eat any of it? According to one of the comments, there's no hope for me. But I'm more in line with the person who asks "How do they make it so beige?" Food snobbery doesn't enter into it : this is pure garbage-in-a-box. The photographs in the thread that La Fong posted the other day on the Sports Board ( IMDB2.freeforums.net/thread/123038/ot-pete-dohertys ) about the musician Pete Doherty polishing off a greasy mega-fry up at least hinted at edibility - but this...
(I'm sorry if it's dinner time where you are and I've put you off yours)
Family Crunch Box
That's fine, only a pig would scoff the whole lot himself, but it's the colour, the texture, the state of the food that repels me and not really the quantity of it. So even with a list of the box's contents (two sausages, five onion rings, potato fritters, two pizza slices, two hamburgers, two chicken nuggets, and two slabs of unnamed fish on a bed of chips - all of which, save the chips; they're merely deep fried - are battered and deep-fried. I was still left struggling to identify a chicken nugget from a potato fritter. I thought at first sight the chicken nuggets were Centre Right but that didn't make sense because there were three sad-looking balls of something looking more like refugees from a Chinese Takeaway - and there's only meant to be two nuggets. So, they must be the potato fritters? Yes, the chicken nuggets are squashed Bottom Centre/Right, those two anaemic looking shapeless bundles of Christ Knows What.
I spent a good thirty seconds trying to identify the two slices of pizza as advertised. I can't find them. There are two pizza-slice shaped things at Top Centre but they seem devoid of toppings. Where's the colour? Everything's so Arizona desert-coloured. Like a godawful assemblage of smashed up sand castles. But then I remember everything here is deep fried, including the pizza slices. Great, it's beginning to make sense.
Those must be the fish, Bottom Centre, all flat, squashed, looking more like two old sunburnt leather soles come loose from a twenty year old pair of workman's boots. Again, no visible crunch, nothing but grease-ridden unappetizing late night post-alcohol convenience fodder, limp, lame, colourless.
There's the onion rings, Bottom Left, bastard offspring of Krispy Kreme ring doughnuts, soft, gooey and nothing but their shape to differentiate themselves from the rest of their surroundings.
Take a look at the two sausages at Top Left. In fact, don't. And buried like dead bodies under all of this is a coffin-floor of chips, even greasier than they were when first thrown into the box thanks to the extra leakage of fat from the food that smothers them.
Would you eat any of it? According to one of the comments, there's no hope for me. But I'm more in line with the person who asks "How do they make it so beige?" Food snobbery doesn't enter into it : this is pure garbage-in-a-box. The photographs in the thread that La Fong posted the other day on the Sports Board ( IMDB2.freeforums.net/thread/123038/ot-pete-dohertys ) about the musician Pete Doherty polishing off a greasy mega-fry up at least hinted at edibility - but this...
(I'm sorry if it's dinner time where you are and I've put you off yours)
Family Crunch Box