If this is the new MLB then I’m out

Can’t find the link at the moment but I saw that there were two statistical anomalies in Saturday’s Phillies Marlins game. One - it was the first time since 1900 that no pitcher batted in a non-DH game. Two - no pitcher on either team lasted more than two innings. As a side note Kapler pinch hit for Scott Kingery before he ever had a single at bat in the game. To all this I say “fuck off Gabe Kapler”, I’m out. This isn’t baseball, it’s a nerd death march.