Heterophobia

Oct 4, 2018 4:29:59 GMT dirtypillows said:

Oct 4, 2018 4:00:23 GMT Toasted Cheese said:

I was a late bloomer Gamey, in my late 20's. I didn't live in the same country as my folks, so didn't see them that often, otherwise it would have been something that I would have been open about with them much earlier. I didn't want them near me.

I was 36 years old when i told my parents.  I was nervous about it and just did it for my own sense of well-being.   Other than that, it changed nothing.   

Of course most of my friends experienced the same thing, the same anxieties, and everybody was always saying "oh, you'll be so glad when you've told your parents.  They will get used to it and you'll be surprised at how much you underestimated them, it will be so much better", blah blah...   Well, wrong-o!  I'm glad I told them for the one single reason above, but my parents are still basically mortified to have a gay son.  They are the two most changeless persons I ever hope not to meet.  C'est la vie!  

My dad has still yet to have tried the Filet-O-Fish sandwich at McDonald's.   I'm like "Dad, you don't know what you're missing.   The tartar sauce is FABULOUS!"  

All family dynamic is different and since I wasn't comfortable with myself and being around them, knowing their attitudes and rigidity, I was trying to prevent the fear of any upheaval in my life—which happened anyway—and also a massive fight. I really wanted to tear them down. I suppose the way it happened with me, and it was a tumultuous affair which I don't care to get into as it is now past, at least prevented the massive showdown I was fearful off and it ended up being eased into. There was still plenty of resentment on both sides and the fear and oppression that my folks instilled into me, and I am not so sure that I can wholly forgive them, there is still this lack of respect I hold towards them and haven't been able to alter, even though I still have love for them.

I spoke to my folks today and I can sense the judgement emanating from my mother's tone and aloof manner down the phone, like she is attempting to draw something from me. She doesn't know how to fully engage, or have a genuine positivity to match those that she can be communicating with. It is too challenging for her and she goes into denial because she is simpleminded and lacks self worth and self-awareness about her own life. Or if she does, she is fearful of it. This is where the lack of confidence in herself was instilled into my sister and me.