Would you watch a Star Wars horror movie?
Oct 24, 2018 1:08:27 GMT
Spooky Ghost Ackbar and jamesbamesy like this
Post by Salzmank on Oct 24, 2018 1:08:27 GMT
If I’d been alive in 1978 and George Lucas had called me up (yeah, right) with a proposal to do a Star Wars Halloween Special instead of the Holiday Special that transpired, here’s how I’d probably do it (I purposely put in similarities to the Holiday Special and tried to better that thing):
*Set soon after the events of Star Wars. The Millennium Falcon is on its way through the galaxy when one of the Empire’s ships attacks, forcing an emergency landing on an uncharted planet. Han and Chewie escape into the woods, while the Empire’s forces check the Falcon and find H & C gone; cue video-screen-call to Darth Vader.
*On their way exploring the planet, H & C come across a huge city (which I’m imagining looks a bit like the city in Planet of the Apes? Not sure why, but that design). Here’s the kicker: it’s ruled by Obi-Wan Kenobi (I guess we’d have to recast Guinness if he says no), and Leia and Luke are there as well! Beautiful place, Shangri-la of Star Wars worlds: gardens, fountains, you name it.
*Chewie has a bad feeling about this place, but Han gets sucked right in (I’m sure you see where this is going, the stuff of a thousand Twilight Zones. Hey, I never said it’d be original!). But there is trouble in paradise, as the Imperial forces, led by Grand Moff Tarkin (this is a clue) and Darth Vader, attack! Luke acquiesces to Han’s every decision, and Han and Chewie valiantly save the day for Shangri-la! Leia swoons into Han’s arms; Han’s feeling really good about himself, and he gets more and more sucked in by the atmosphere of the place. Repeat, with subtle changes, of the final scene of Star Wars (maybe Chewie gets his medal?).
*Meanwhile, Chewie explores and finds that he can’t leave the city; every time he tries to do so, as if by magic the path leads him back into the center of town. He rushes to warn Han, who is being treated like an Oriental potentate—but “Jedi knights” find him [Chewie], attack, and drag him to a prison. Han is in such blissful happiness that he doesn’t notice that his friends’ faces turn skeletal the moment the moonlight shines on them.
*And, because I’m stealing from Ray Bradbury’s brilliant, horrifying “Mars is Heaven” as much as from The Twilight Zone, he falls asleep that night—but then wakes, with a vague suspicion, a feeling that something isn’t right, and he realizes what Capt. Black realizes in “Mars is Heaven”: wouldn’t it be perfect for a telepathic alien race to use their powers to put their prey off his guard, make him think he’s in a new Eden, replicate his friends and loved ones. And sure enough “Luke” enters with a lightsaber, ready to attack.
*Han fights him off, but everyone in the city turns into a monster. He tries to find Chewie, and Chewie rips off his manacles in a callback to Bride of Frankenstein. Together they fight against this whole army…
*And here’s where I’m not sure how to do a deus ex machina. It could be the real Luke, sensing a disturbance in the Force or some such thing (would there be a disturbance in the Force if Han’s in trouble? Anyone know?), letting the real Leia know and the Rebels lead an attack, or the real Vader et al. could finally find Han and Chewie but, in the process, also have to fight the monsters. The latter would be neat—it’d almost turn the tables and make the Imperial forces inadvertently, momentarily “good guys”—but it would also scrap whatever parts Luke and Leia could have played.
*Either way, Han and Chewie finally get away, give the Imperials the slip, and rush back to the Falcon. They finally end up on the planet at the end of Star Wars. (Maybe Chewie can finally get his medal for real now?) Han is suspicious of the real Luke and Leia at first, but finally he’s won over. Cut back to the planet of the monster shapeshifters, where an Imperial officer has been left for the monsters and is living his fantasy—until the monsters turn on him as well.
*On their way exploring the planet, H & C come across a huge city (which I’m imagining looks a bit like the city in Planet of the Apes? Not sure why, but that design). Here’s the kicker: it’s ruled by Obi-Wan Kenobi (I guess we’d have to recast Guinness if he says no), and Leia and Luke are there as well! Beautiful place, Shangri-la of Star Wars worlds: gardens, fountains, you name it.
*Chewie has a bad feeling about this place, but Han gets sucked right in (I’m sure you see where this is going, the stuff of a thousand Twilight Zones. Hey, I never said it’d be original!). But there is trouble in paradise, as the Imperial forces, led by Grand Moff Tarkin (this is a clue) and Darth Vader, attack! Luke acquiesces to Han’s every decision, and Han and Chewie valiantly save the day for Shangri-la! Leia swoons into Han’s arms; Han’s feeling really good about himself, and he gets more and more sucked in by the atmosphere of the place. Repeat, with subtle changes, of the final scene of Star Wars (maybe Chewie gets his medal?).
*Meanwhile, Chewie explores and finds that he can’t leave the city; every time he tries to do so, as if by magic the path leads him back into the center of town. He rushes to warn Han, who is being treated like an Oriental potentate—but “Jedi knights” find him [Chewie], attack, and drag him to a prison. Han is in such blissful happiness that he doesn’t notice that his friends’ faces turn skeletal the moment the moonlight shines on them.
*And, because I’m stealing from Ray Bradbury’s brilliant, horrifying “Mars is Heaven” as much as from The Twilight Zone, he falls asleep that night—but then wakes, with a vague suspicion, a feeling that something isn’t right, and he realizes what Capt. Black realizes in “Mars is Heaven”: wouldn’t it be perfect for a telepathic alien race to use their powers to put their prey off his guard, make him think he’s in a new Eden, replicate his friends and loved ones. And sure enough “Luke” enters with a lightsaber, ready to attack.
*Han fights him off, but everyone in the city turns into a monster. He tries to find Chewie, and Chewie rips off his manacles in a callback to Bride of Frankenstein. Together they fight against this whole army…
*And here’s where I’m not sure how to do a deus ex machina. It could be the real Luke, sensing a disturbance in the Force or some such thing (would there be a disturbance in the Force if Han’s in trouble? Anyone know?), letting the real Leia know and the Rebels lead an attack, or the real Vader et al. could finally find Han and Chewie but, in the process, also have to fight the monsters. The latter would be neat—it’d almost turn the tables and make the Imperial forces inadvertently, momentarily “good guys”—but it would also scrap whatever parts Luke and Leia could have played.
*Either way, Han and Chewie finally get away, give the Imperials the slip, and rush back to the Falcon. They finally end up on the planet at the end of Star Wars. (Maybe Chewie can finally get his medal for real now?) Han is suspicious of the real Luke and Leia at first, but finally he’s won over. Cut back to the planet of the monster shapeshifters, where an Imperial officer has been left for the monsters and is living his fantasy—until the monsters turn on him as well.