Post by dirtypillows on Jan 17, 2019 23:53:00 GMT
) I have been neurotic about many things that life has confronted me with. However, being gay was never one of them. Never once did I want to not be gay. I have no idea how that one missed me. I kissed my first boy when I was in second grade. He simply stood there and looked at me. There was no hostility whatsoever. Wow. What a sweet memory.
From what you recall Mr. D, do you remember growing up around ignorant and prejudicial comments and attitudes from family members, friends, neighbors, school kids....etc?
I DID grow up neurotic regarding my homoness and not playing the 'victim' here by saying this, I did grow up around many bigoted and abusive attitudes. At the time I felt 'victimized', but as a child, couldn't put this into proper perspective. I also grew up not too confident either. That was a parental conditioning too. At any rate, I have survived them and still am.... 
Not that I minded how my gayness made me feel inside, which I was aware of as a wee lad and as it was a part of me that was normal, but from a psychological perspective as how many others saw homosexuality and not normal, it did disturb and rattle me.
How sweet! You kissed your first boy in second grade. Was he a school chum, or just a kid you thought was cute? I had school friend in early primary, and we would walk around holding hands occasionally. He was a nice friend to have, but he also had a lot more confidence about himself, was more socially pro-active and I grew up more troubled.
From as early back as I can remember, I have always viewed men as the more vulnerable gender - by a wide, wide margin. And this vulnerability makes men exquisite to me. In ways that women could never do for me (except for Carrie White
), men break my heart. And growing up, what DID bother me (very much) was this idea that women have it so much harder than men. I've always felt that women have it so much easier than men. And, good for me, I never succumbed to popular opinion. Everything about men I have always loved, their sweetness, their openness, the way they smell, their vulnerability, just everything. (The movie "The Deer Hunter" might be my go to example for making a case.) I have spent some time socializing with heterosexual couples, and the kind of psychic energy that some women exude is quite intense and, frankly, terrifying. The trump card that some women have is their humor. I do love a woman who can make me laugh, and that is why actresses like Sylvia Miles, Pat Ast, Nancy Parsons, Susan Tyrrell, Bette Davis, Cookie Mueller, Cassandra Peterson, Wendy O Williams, etc. are so awesome. Okay, WOW was not an actress, but she was still AWESOME!!! Wendy was the BEST!!!I got made fun of somewhat, mostly 5th-8th grade, and almost all of my tormentors were girls. Go figure.
John U., awww... He was my classmate and he was the shyest child in the room and I was the second shyest, and he was very endearing to me. I remember it well. It was right before lunch time when the kids went to the bathroom and wash their hands, and John and I were the last two boys in the bathroom and we were standing there and I just reached over and kissed him on the cheek. I had a huge crush on him. I will never forget it.