Post by Toasted Cheese on Jan 18, 2019 1:07:34 GMT
From what you recall Mr. D, do you remember growing up around ignorant and prejudicial comments and attitudes from family members, friends, neighbors, school kids....etc?
I DID grow up neurotic regarding my homoness and not playing the 'victim' here by saying this, I did grow up around many bigoted and abusive attitudes. At the time I felt 'victimized', but as a child, couldn't put this into proper perspective. I also grew up not too confident either. That was a parental conditioning too. At any rate, I have survived them and still am.... 
Not that I minded how my gayness made me feel inside, which I was aware of as a wee lad and as it was a part of me that was normal, but from a psychological perspective as how many others saw homosexuality and not normal, it did disturb and rattle me.
How sweet! You kissed your first boy in second grade. Was he a school chum, or just a kid you thought was cute? I had school friend in early primary, and we would walk around holding hands occasionally. He was a nice friend to have, but he also had a lot more confidence about himself, was more socially pro-active and I grew up more troubled.
From as early back as I can remember, I have always viewed men as the more vulnerable gender - by a wide, wide margin. And this vulnerability makes men exquisite to me. In ways that women could never do for me (except for Carrie White
), men break my heart. And growing up, what DID bother me (very much) was this idea that women have it so much harder than men. I've always felt that women have it so much easier than men. And, good for me, I never succumbed to popular opinion. Everything about men I have always loved, their sweetness, their openness, the way they smell, their vulnerability, just everything. (The movie "The Deer Hunter" might be my go to example for making a case.) I have spent some time socializing with heterosexual couples, and the kind of psychic energy that some women exude is quite intense and, frankly, terrifying. The trump card that some women have is their humor. I do love a woman who can make me laugh, and that is why actresses like Sylvia Miles, Pat Ast, Nancy Parsons, Susan Tyrrell, Bette Davis, Cookie Mueller, Cassandra Peterson, Wendy O Williams, etc. are so awesome. Okay, WOW was not an actress, but she was still AWESOME!!! Wendy was the BEST!!!I got made fun of somewhat, mostly 5th-8th grade, and almost all of my tormentors were girls. Go figure.
John U., awww... He was my classmate and he was the shyest child in the room and I was the second shyest, and he was very endearing to me. I remember it well. It was right before lunch time when the kids went to the bathroom and wash their hands, and John and I were the last two boys in the bathroom and we were standing there and I just reached over and kissed him on the cheek. I had a huge crush on him. I will never forget it.
Thank you for your candid and authentic exposé on your understanding of your gayness and what you see as differences between men and women Mr. Dirty. You, yourself are a sweet man and you in turn see the sweetness in the gender that you live, breathe and understand. That is why I can get perplexed by the contradictory take some women have on males—who can be A holes—but by that same token, women can feel they are exempt from their own A-holishness. Are they not partly responsible for turning their sons into A Holes???
And yes, while physically\biologicially, females may not quite have it as easy as males, they certainly get more excuses and compensations made for them in western society, for being perceived as the fairer gender. This is a realm females hold over males and IS NOT equality in comparison with males and men provide it for them. They are the 'spoiled' gender in the west and if this equality thing really means something honest and genuine to them, acknowledgement of this is key and they may end up with egg on their face, by having to lose some of their femme-privilege.
Many females also see the sweetness in men, that is why they seek them out, but it is also born out of a neediness for males in their lives too, something that cannot be denied, whether it is intimate or passive. Males could be considered the more active givers, as they are majorly the ones who build up societies from the ground roots up. I can't see this changing much, due to gender differences and where masculine\feminine interests lie.
For me, it appears something topsy turvy compared to your own parental units and their characters. My mother could be considered a sweet lady, but quite naive, simple-minded and emotionally manipulating. She also lacks confidence in herself and has low self-worth. This was projected onto both my older sister and me. She can also be ferocious and very toxic times, as many women are. It is not pleasant.
My father has SMS, (short man syndrome), is a boozer in which he is in denial of, can be mean-spirited, controlling, bullying, abusive, resentful and gets into dark moods, no doubt exacerbated by the grog. He is also a good man who means well, but the rigidity in him and his need to be mothered, undermines his own sense of empowerment. His temperament is unpredictable, even now. I guess, your own personality and intelligence helped with whatever confidence levels you had. In spite of the hateful comments, did you feel abused emotionally by them and did you suffer any physical abuse at their hands?
Your little boy crush when you were but a wee lad Mr. D, and you kissed him without his consent, means that you are nothing but a self-absorbed, entitled harasser and think you can just do whatever you want where others emotional well-being is at stake. You could have very well disturbed John U and caused him a lot of psychological damage and grief for life. I wouldn't be surprised if you are the one that triggered off the "Me Too" movement and it remained dormant since the mid 70's and has erupted like a Mt. Vesuvius into the new millennial. Enough is enough and you just didn't know when to stop..... 
I wonder what John U is up to now and if he remembers you. Did you part ways at some stage early?
I wonder what John U is up to now and if he remembers you. Did you part ways at some stage early?