If The First James Bond Movie Had Starred Abbott & Costello

If the first Bond movie had been written and directed by Abraham, Zucker, and Zucker

Leiter: I wonder who is spoiling all the Cape Canaveral rocket launches.
Bond: Let’s say it is SPECTRE
Together: It is SPECTRE
Bond: Now let’s say the interference is coming from Crab Key.
Together: The interference is coming from Crab Key.
Bond: I went out there with Quarrel but he didn’t come back.
Leiter: Buddy didn’t come back?
Bond: Buddy came back. Quarrel didn’t. And he got burned up.
Leiter: Andy got burned up?
Bond: Quarrel got burned up. Andy escaped. I don’t know how he did it.
Leiter: Then Howie did it?
Bond: Howie couldn’t have done it. He hasn’t been around for weeks.
Leiter: Who’s Weeks?
Bond: Joe Weeks. Howie fills in for him sometimes.