How to pick a German football team that suits your character

Oh fuck no! I'm a hipster, apparently. I've been watching the Bundesliga for 9 seasons, I think, and have never even come close to adopting a team. But have found myself rooting for Union Berlin in the 2nd division (which BT also cover) in the last year or two. Largely because they're quite good to watch, have a cool stadium, and their fans sing an adaptation of the 90s rave classic Wonderfull Days by Charlie Lownoise & Mental Theo (a particular fave of mine). So if those are hipster reasons, I'm a hipster. I couldn't grow an ironic jihadi beard if I tried though, so will never achieve peak hipsterdom.