Post by ant-mac on Aug 12, 2018 9:24:47 GMT
SURVIVAL
(The Doctor and Ace emerge from the TARDIS...)
Ace: So, Professor, who are we going to do battle with in this story? Daleks? Cybermen? Clowns? Another plonker like the Brigadier? Or Ed Straker from SHADO?
Doctor: Actually, this story involves the biggest plonker of them all - the Master! But first, there are some crucial points I should tell you about him. If he points a long black shiny vibrator at you, run away as fast as you can! If you don’t, you could end up thinking you’re in PLANET OF GIANTS. And if you happen to start chatting with him, don’t mention your dad, or how attractive your dad is. For one thing, the Master has a nasty habit of taking over my companions’ fathers’ bodies... And for another, if you start talking about how cute you think your dad is, you’re going to start creeping people out.
Ace: They sound like fair points to me. So, is there anything else I should know?
Doctor: No. That should about cover it. Do you have any other questions?
Ace: Er... Yeah. Considering DOCTOR WHO is going to be cancelled at the end of this story, don’t you think it’s ironic that it’s called SURVIVAL?
Doctor: Sort of... But to be honest, I’m more interested in why the Master would want to escape from a planet full of pussies.
Ace: Now you raise the subject, I’m rather interested in why you’d want to escape from a planet full of pussies.
Doctor: Well, now you mention it, it has been a while. I’d have thought after seven incarnations, I’d have got lucky at least once.
Master: You’ve got nothing to worry about on that score. I’ve got a feeling your luck is due to change soon. Real soon! Along with your looks...
Ace: So, why do you call yourself “The Master”? It’s not a SEINFELD thing, is it? Being master of your domain?
Master: No. It’s nothing like that. But wouldn’t you like to know the real reason.
Ace: Well duh! That was the whole point of my question. And why do you dress in a gimp suit and carry a vibrator with you?
Master: It’s not a vibrator! It’s a Tissue Compression Eliminator! Honest...
Ace: Oh no... Of course it’s not. If you say it’s not, then that must be the truth. Honest... And your title is just the first part of your name, isn’t it?
Master: What? I’m sure I don’t know what you mean...
Ace: Are you sure? Because I’ve heard differently. Are you sure your name’s not Master Bates? It is a SEINFELD thing, isn’t it?
Master: Doctor! How could you do such a thing? You said you’d never tell anyone! I trusted you!
Doctor: Meh… He that is master of himself, is a sad and lonely wanker. Here’s sixpence. Go and ring someone who cares...
Master: Would you both please excuse me for a moment? I think I’m going to cry. Yet again...
Doctor: Meh... But the big debate raging amongst the fan boys right now is whether you’re alive or dead. First you’re dead. Then you’re alive. Then you’re dead again. Then you’re alive again... It gets so confusing. At this rate, it wouldn’t surprise me if you end up reading the eulogy at your own funeral!
(The Doctor and Ace emerge from the TARDIS...)
Ace: So, Professor, who are we going to do battle with in this story? Daleks? Cybermen? Clowns? Another plonker like the Brigadier? Or Ed Straker from SHADO?
Doctor: Actually, this story involves the biggest plonker of them all - the Master! But first, there are some crucial points I should tell you about him. If he points a long black shiny vibrator at you, run away as fast as you can! If you don’t, you could end up thinking you’re in PLANET OF GIANTS. And if you happen to start chatting with him, don’t mention your dad, or how attractive your dad is. For one thing, the Master has a nasty habit of taking over my companions’ fathers’ bodies... And for another, if you start talking about how cute you think your dad is, you’re going to start creeping people out.
Ace: They sound like fair points to me. So, is there anything else I should know?
Doctor: No. That should about cover it. Do you have any other questions?
Ace: Er... Yeah. Considering DOCTOR WHO is going to be cancelled at the end of this story, don’t you think it’s ironic that it’s called SURVIVAL?
Doctor: Sort of... But to be honest, I’m more interested in why the Master would want to escape from a planet full of pussies.
Ace: Now you raise the subject, I’m rather interested in why you’d want to escape from a planet full of pussies.
Doctor: Well, now you mention it, it has been a while. I’d have thought after seven incarnations, I’d have got lucky at least once.
Master: You’ve got nothing to worry about on that score. I’ve got a feeling your luck is due to change soon. Real soon! Along with your looks...
Ace: So, why do you call yourself “The Master”? It’s not a SEINFELD thing, is it? Being master of your domain?
Master: No. It’s nothing like that. But wouldn’t you like to know the real reason.
Ace: Well duh! That was the whole point of my question. And why do you dress in a gimp suit and carry a vibrator with you?
Master: It’s not a vibrator! It’s a Tissue Compression Eliminator! Honest...
Ace: Oh no... Of course it’s not. If you say it’s not, then that must be the truth. Honest... And your title is just the first part of your name, isn’t it?
Master: What? I’m sure I don’t know what you mean...
Ace: Are you sure? Because I’ve heard differently. Are you sure your name’s not Master Bates? It is a SEINFELD thing, isn’t it?
Master: Doctor! How could you do such a thing? You said you’d never tell anyone! I trusted you!
Doctor: Meh… He that is master of himself, is a sad and lonely wanker. Here’s sixpence. Go and ring someone who cares...
Master: Would you both please excuse me for a moment? I think I’m going to cry. Yet again...
Doctor: Meh... But the big debate raging amongst the fan boys right now is whether you’re alive or dead. First you’re dead. Then you’re alive. Then you’re dead again. Then you’re alive again... It gets so confusing. At this rate, it wouldn’t surprise me if you end up reading the eulogy at your own funeral!