|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:12:36 GMT
I accidently posted this on the Politics Board .... We're in for one heck of a ride! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen..... and Maya... To this year's Pitter award show... brought to you by Crystal Head Vodka... A HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS??!!.. But damn, it's good! Here's your host............VVVVVVVEEEEGGGASS!! "HEY! HEY! Everybody!! Glad to see we have a packed house... luckily there aren't that many seats in this Denny's... 'Denny's, we're not as racist as we used to be!' What can I say?... It's been helluva year..... and what a year!... We've had so much excitement... like the time that... uh... that poster.. uh.. did that thing... and then stopped posting... Let's face it this board is dying faster than.... well.. everything. Kirk Douglas is like "Damn, I hope you live to see Christmas" We've got a great night in store... Thrills!! Spills!!..... and hopefully somebody to clean up those spills.. We'll be right back with the first award... and hopefully better jokes."
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:24:17 GMT
And now to present the award for THE BEST THEIST... Please welcome Oscar Winner, Mister Robert Dinero... "A theist can best be described as a guy with faith in a "the"... I guess... What the fuck do I know? This little prick says he has my kids held hostage and that I have to do this sho.." JUST READ THE DAMNED CARD, TAXI MAN!!! "And this years winner of the Best Theist Award goes to........ kls! Can I have my kids back?" This is kls first nomination.
|
|
|
Post by Marv on Dec 23, 2018 0:27:31 GMT
::clap::
|
|
|
Post by clusium on Dec 23, 2018 0:29:27 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:35:53 GMT
Now for The Best Atheist.. Every hero needs a villain... Every Flash has his Ming. Every Luke has his Vader. Every Smokie has his Bandit... THAT'S RIGHT!! FUCK BURT REYNOLDS!! SMOKIE IS THE HERO OF THAT MOVIE!! YA SALLY FIELDS STEALIN' ILLEGAL CARGO CARRYING MOTHERFUCKER!!! SUCK IT, BUr t... uh.... And this years yang to every ying is.. The one... The only... THE BEST ATHEIST OF 2018... progressiveelement!!!
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:47:37 GMT
TROLLS!!
What can we say about them... that already hasn't been said by their mothers? "You need to get out of the basement!" "Get off that damned computer!" "Go make some real friends" "You need to find your own place to live!" "'Vegas'??!.. THAT's the best name you could come up with?!".... A troll should be at least entertaining others... as he only entertains himself.. But.. This year's troll has really put himself out there... and we're glad he stayed... THE 2018 BEST TROLL IS.. THE EDDY HOPPppp...Sorry... Wrong card.. THE WINNER IS... RABBIT!!!!This is rabbit's second win for The Best Troll.......
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:48:53 GMT
I'm kinda breezing through these... Hopefully somebody will come along and do an acceptance speech.
|
|
|
Post by clusium on Dec 23, 2018 0:53:37 GMT
TROLLS!!
What can we say about them... that already hasn't been said by their mothers? "You need to get out of the basement!" "Get off that damned computer!" "Go make some real friends" "You need to find your own place to live!" "'Vegas'??!.. THAT's the best name you could come up with?!".... A troll should be at least entertaining others... as he only entertains himself.. But.. This year's troll has really put himself out there... and we're glad he stayed... THE 2018 BEST TROLL IS.. THE EDDY HOPPppp...Sorry... Wrong card.. THE WINNER IS... RABBIT!!!!This is rabbit's second win for The Best Troll....... But, he's no longer with us!!!!
|
|
|
Post by general313 on Dec 23, 2018 0:56:52 GMT
I'm going to get my parking ticket validated.
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 0:59:53 GMT
Webster Dictionary defines "Funny" as a leg joint on a guy named Fun... look I hit the vodka a little too early... This is the best these jokes are gonna get... And we all need a good laugh... especially after some of you look in the mirror... and that's where the comedian comes in... And when he is not trying to just be stupid... he's making fun of the stupid hopefully in a way that even the target of his near-perfectly executed insult will find hilarious... right, Toast? That's right this year's winner of THE FUNNIEST POSTER OF 2018... IS.... Me.
|
|
|
Post by Marv on Dec 23, 2018 1:05:41 GMT
I laughed at the knee joke.
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:09:10 GMT
Standing in for Vegas, to accept the award for FUNNIEST POSTER... please welcome Vegas' girlfriend...
"THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST HOUR??!!... Is that bottle half empty already??... Goddammit!!... I could have gone out with Timmy Johnson... HE just got a promotion!!.. I Thought you were gonna clean those gutters today!!.. AND WHERE IS DINNER??!"
GO TO COMMERCIAL!! GO TO COMMERCIAL!!
|
|
|
Post by lowtacks86 on Dec 23, 2018 1:15:52 GMT
Standing in for Vegas, to accept the award for FUNNIEST POSTER... please welcome Vegas' girlfriend... "THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST HOUR??!!... Is that bottle half empty already??... Goddammit!!... I could have gone out with Timmy Johnson... HE just got a promotion!!.. I Thought you were gonna clean those gutters today!!.. AND WHERE IS DINNER??!" GO TO COMMERCIAL!! GO TO COMMERCIAL!!
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:25:59 GMT
Threads are what hold a good quilt together... AIDS is a good excuse to make a quilt. This year's BEST THREAD has been a gift that has been giving all the year round.. THE WINNER OF THE BEST THREAD 2018... Isssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.... "Good Stuff I Watched, Read, Heard, Or Played" - CoolJGS☺
And now... to accept his award... HOLY SHIT!! IT'S A BLACK GUY TRYING TO STEAL THAT AWARD!!!... OPEN FIRE!! OPEN FIRE!!!
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:38:33 GMT
"Ashes and diamonds. Foe and friend. They are all equal in the end" - Pink Floyd (Roger Waters) This year, we've seen some of our finest of our flock take wind and fly away.... These are our comrades that we have lost this year... Cinemachinery....
RedRuth......
Tickingmask.... Rabbit.....
CoolJGS☺ ... as I hear that he was shot and killed while attending an award show... CASH aka Waylon'sguitar...aka the oncomingstorm..aka Brandon1965...aka... Sail on, silver bird... sail on high..... You will be missed.
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:39:28 GMT
Congratulations to CoolJGS. You deserve it. As for myself, it was an honor just to be nominated...by myself. It was close... You took second.. and missed by 1
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:47:21 GMT
I'm gonna make this one short: The BEST PARODY THREAD OF 2018 IS... "Your Spitter Award Nominees Are" - Vegas That's right... the one I just made up so "Athiest Nude Experience" wouldn't be the only nomination... It was the only nomination.... and it still didn't win.
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 1:53:34 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 2:00:42 GMT
Friends... We can't live without them... They are our peanut butter to our jelly. Our ham to our cheese.. Our chocolate to our peanut butter.. Our macaroni to our cheese.. Damn.. Cheese and peanut butter are fucking whores!! The Winners of THE BEST COUPLE are..... BY A LANDSLIDE: The Herald Erjen and maya55555!!!!!! ...or should that be maya55555 and theheralderjen?
|
|
|
Post by Vegas on Dec 23, 2018 2:06:11 GMT
RIVALRIES
Rivals are the exact opposite of friends... They are the salt to our ice cream The relish on our.... You know?... I think I'm just getting hungry... Everybody loves a good fight.. and when that fight never ends.. Gold is found. The GREATEST RIVALS FOR 2018 are...... drystyx and thefleetsin !!
|
|