Post by staggerstag on Nov 3, 2019 15:32:59 GMT
A couple of Tottenham fans are enjoying the scenic surroundings of Kemps Bistro in Stanley Park. It's a lot like a quite large airy conservatory elevated ten feet off the grass and accessed by steps, with a bandstand just across the way from it. Families come here in the summer for a bite to eat and to play in the park. This time of year you don't see many enjoying the grass except dog walkers and joggers but it is still a most pleasant location to have something to eat.
The couple is the same couple who were seen in the Harwood Arms for the game v Chelsea last season and then in Wok and Roe in North London, also v Chelsea. The place today is reasonably busy mostly with couples reading their Sunday magazines or relaxing over steaming coffees and I-phones. There are one or two elderly couples who make a habit of visiting every Sunday for a filling bowl of porridge oats which they can enjoy with honey, raisins, banana chips, fresh berries and almonds (£3.50) and served straight from the stove and not from the microwave, delivered steaming and of a wonderful consistency.
The menu is simple and geared towards daytime dining (the place closes at 4pm every day) and the Spurs fans decide to go, after some discussion, with jacket potatoes.
"But I wouldn't mind trying the Full English," he says, eyeing up the menu again. (£7.95, veggie £6.95 including the unusual addition of spinach)
"Well, 'ave it then," she says. "Go on, 'ave it."
"You get everything in it. Bacon, sausages, beans - "
"It's a Full English, what do you expect, salad?"
"Alright, alright, I dunno, do I?"
"Dunno why we came here anyway. Where's the ground? Let me see the map."
"I saw it on TV, it looked nice."
"Oh, what? Look at this. You do know that bloody Anfield's just down the road, don't you?"
"Eh?"
"We're closer to Anfield than Goodison, you si."
"We'll be alright."
"Yeah, well, if some si in red comes after us you're on yer own. Shaggin' loons they are.They hate us."
They order their jacket potatoes and a pot of breakfast tea. She goes for the dolphin-friendly tuna and crunchy red onion (£4.75) and he opts for the mildly spicy coronation chicken (£5.50) When the potatoes arrive they are overflowing with their fillings and the size of a rugby ball - well, not quite, but they're big enough to keep you satisfied for a good few hours.
"Name of god," he says. "Can hardly fit on the plate, look at it."
"Hurry up and let's order a cab to the ground."
"We're alright here, we're safe."
"And button up yer jacket."
"Wha' for?"
"'Cause I can see your shaggin' badge, you si. It's not all Ken Dodd's Diddy Men and Shirley Valentine around 'ere, is it. You gotta watch yourself."
"Ack, calm down, love."
"You'll calm down when you get stuck through the heart with a shaggin' Stanley, yer loon. This place does funerals so you'll not have far to travel once you're gone. Shoulda taken a cab straight from the station, pffft."
"Eh?"
"Look at the menu, 'Funeral Commemorations Catered For'. Up to 25 guests. You think I'm forking out for 25 of your mates to get bevvied up in 'ere you'd better think again."
They just about manage to finish their grub and pay up. Less than fifteen sovs and they're both well fed.
"Shall we go across to the bandstand thingy?" he suggests.
"Just order the cab. Tell 'em we'll wait by that gate over there, if they can understand you."
It's time for them to get to the match.
My Easi-Trav portable barometer informs me that come kick-off the temperature inside the stadium will be around 11c (52f) with a west south westerly wind going at about 7mph with the occasional gust of up to 14mph. With good visibility and a 60% chance of rain there can be little excuse weather-wise not to see a good maybe slightly wet game of football between these most frustrating of sides.
Last season's Goodison encounter between these two was quite a spectacle, with Walcott putting the Toffees ahead on '21 only for Tottenham to go in 1-3 up at the break through Son, Alli and Kane. It was a similar scoreline in the second half with Son and Kane getting seconds and Eriksen potting as well. It finished 2-6 then but it's hard to imagine a similar rout happening today. Both teams are well off the boil with Everton languishing one place above the sh*t zone and Spurs in 13th with one point from their last three outings.
In my earpiece I am being relayed the match odds and Everton are favourites at 31/20 with the away side on offer at 9/5. The stalemate pays 5/2.
The couple is the same couple who were seen in the Harwood Arms for the game v Chelsea last season and then in Wok and Roe in North London, also v Chelsea. The place today is reasonably busy mostly with couples reading their Sunday magazines or relaxing over steaming coffees and I-phones. There are one or two elderly couples who make a habit of visiting every Sunday for a filling bowl of porridge oats which they can enjoy with honey, raisins, banana chips, fresh berries and almonds (£3.50) and served straight from the stove and not from the microwave, delivered steaming and of a wonderful consistency.
The menu is simple and geared towards daytime dining (the place closes at 4pm every day) and the Spurs fans decide to go, after some discussion, with jacket potatoes.
"But I wouldn't mind trying the Full English," he says, eyeing up the menu again. (£7.95, veggie £6.95 including the unusual addition of spinach)
"Well, 'ave it then," she says. "Go on, 'ave it."
"You get everything in it. Bacon, sausages, beans - "
"It's a Full English, what do you expect, salad?"
"Alright, alright, I dunno, do I?"
"Dunno why we came here anyway. Where's the ground? Let me see the map."
"I saw it on TV, it looked nice."
"Oh, what? Look at this. You do know that bloody Anfield's just down the road, don't you?"
"Eh?"
"We're closer to Anfield than Goodison, you si."
"We'll be alright."
"Yeah, well, if some si in red comes after us you're on yer own. Shaggin' loons they are.They hate us."
They order their jacket potatoes and a pot of breakfast tea. She goes for the dolphin-friendly tuna and crunchy red onion (£4.75) and he opts for the mildly spicy coronation chicken (£5.50) When the potatoes arrive they are overflowing with their fillings and the size of a rugby ball - well, not quite, but they're big enough to keep you satisfied for a good few hours.
"Name of god," he says. "Can hardly fit on the plate, look at it."
"Hurry up and let's order a cab to the ground."
"We're alright here, we're safe."
"And button up yer jacket."
"Wha' for?"
"'Cause I can see your shaggin' badge, you si. It's not all Ken Dodd's Diddy Men and Shirley Valentine around 'ere, is it. You gotta watch yourself."
"Ack, calm down, love."
"You'll calm down when you get stuck through the heart with a shaggin' Stanley, yer loon. This place does funerals so you'll not have far to travel once you're gone. Shoulda taken a cab straight from the station, pffft."
"Eh?"
"Look at the menu, 'Funeral Commemorations Catered For'. Up to 25 guests. You think I'm forking out for 25 of your mates to get bevvied up in 'ere you'd better think again."
They just about manage to finish their grub and pay up. Less than fifteen sovs and they're both well fed.
"Shall we go across to the bandstand thingy?" he suggests.
"Just order the cab. Tell 'em we'll wait by that gate over there, if they can understand you."
It's time for them to get to the match.
My Easi-Trav portable barometer informs me that come kick-off the temperature inside the stadium will be around 11c (52f) with a west south westerly wind going at about 7mph with the occasional gust of up to 14mph. With good visibility and a 60% chance of rain there can be little excuse weather-wise not to see a good maybe slightly wet game of football between these most frustrating of sides.
Last season's Goodison encounter between these two was quite a spectacle, with Walcott putting the Toffees ahead on '21 only for Tottenham to go in 1-3 up at the break through Son, Alli and Kane. It was a similar scoreline in the second half with Son and Kane getting seconds and Eriksen potting as well. It finished 2-6 then but it's hard to imagine a similar rout happening today. Both teams are well off the boil with Everton languishing one place above the sh*t zone and Spurs in 13th with one point from their last three outings.
In my earpiece I am being relayed the match odds and Everton are favourites at 31/20 with the away side on offer at 9/5. The stalemate pays 5/2.
