|
Post by The Herald Erjen on Nov 29, 2019 5:14:06 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart. Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night.
|
|
|
Post by maya55555 on Nov 29, 2019 5:39:15 GMT
NOTHING BEATS A GOOD, SOLID SUCKER KILL FROM THE O.T..
|
|
|
Post by CoolJGS☺ on Nov 29, 2019 15:37:55 GMT
Dinah is raped by Shechem.
He wants to marry her but when the brothers find out they agree only if all the males of the city got circumcised.
While they are recuperating, two of them kill all the males, burn the city, take their stuff, including the women and children.
When their father Jacob rebuked them they basically said “Sorry Pops,. They thought our sis was a ho and we ain’t having that!”
|
|
|
Post by CoolJGS☺ on Nov 29, 2019 15:44:09 GMT
David finds out that Saul, who is trying to kill David, is dead when an Amelekite lies and said he killed him out of mercy.
David then asks why he killed a God anointed king and has that dude killed for killing Saul
That didn’t turn out as expected for the Amalekite
|
|
|
Post by Winter_King on Nov 29, 2019 17:17:47 GMT
|
|
|
Post by FilmFlaneur on Nov 29, 2019 18:11:57 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart. Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night. Genesis - God blesses man but then drowns almost everyone in a fit of pique.
|
|
|
Post by Catman on Nov 29, 2019 18:21:39 GMT
He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. From there he went on to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.
2 Kings 2:23–25
|
|
|
Post by The Herald Erjen on Nov 29, 2019 18:32:40 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart. Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night. Genesis - God blesses man but then drowns almost everyone in a fit of pique. Aw, come on. You know there's a little more to it than that.
|
|
|
Post by FilmFlaneur on Nov 29, 2019 18:47:14 GMT
Genesis - God blesses man but then drowns almost everyone in a fit of pique. Aw, come on. You know there's a little more to it than that. Oh yes He promised never to do it again. So that's all right then.
|
|
|
Post by Catman on Nov 29, 2019 18:51:36 GMT
Aw, come on. You know there's a little more to it than that. Oh yes He promised never to do it again. So that's all right then. And there was that rainbow, too!
|
|
|
Post by drystyx on Dec 2, 2019 19:58:08 GMT
My favorite is about the two stupidest men who ever lived.
King David was well known to respect "the lord's anointed" and indeed all of Saul's family. He was well known for honoring them.
Also, when a soldier came to David and reported he did a "mercy killing" of Saul, to keep him from being tortured and desecrated by his enemies when he lost a battle, David had the soldier executed.
David made pains to save the final member of Saul's family.
All this predates the instance where Saul's last male relative was in ill health, and living under the care of David. So two men decided to kill this last relative, intruding his home, killing him in his own bed, then cutting off his head, and bring it to David.
David had to be shocked at how stupid these assassins were. He even stated so, when he told them that they knew he executed the soldier who did a mercy killing on King Saul, so how much more would he do against two vile men who murdered an innocent man in his own home, for no reason.
The book doesn't say if the assassins were tortured, but I'm sure they were given a more horrible execution than the soldier who reported Saul's death.
Those two had to be the stupidest men who ever lived.
|
|
|
Post by general313 on Dec 2, 2019 20:25:14 GMT
My favorite is about the two stupidest men who ever lived. King David was well known to respect "the lord's anointed" and indeed all of Saul's family. He was well known for honoring them. Also, when a soldier came to David and reported he did a "mercy killing" of Saul, to keep him from being tortured and desecrated by his enemies when he lost a battle, David had the soldier executed. David made pains to save the final member of Saul's family. All this predates the instance where Saul's last male relative was in ill health, and living under the care of David. So two men decided to kill this last relative, intruding his home, killing him in his own bed, then cutting off his head, and bring it to David. David had to be shocked at how stupid these assassins were. He even stated so, when he told them that they knew he executed the soldier who did a mercy killing on King Saul, so how much more would he do against two vile men who murdered an innocent man in his own home, for no reason. The book doesn't say if the assassins were tortured, but I'm sure they were given a more horrible execution than the soldier who reported Saul's death. Those two had to be the stupidest men who ever lived. Did these happen before or after David sent Bathsheba's first husband to the front lines?
|
|
Farside
Sophomore
@alienwerewolf
Posts: 890
Likes: 232
|
Post by Farside on Dec 4, 2019 20:22:17 GMT
I like when Moses had that Jew stoned to death for picking plants on Sabbath. Like damn these Jews treat each other worse than the Nazis. Or when Yahweh burned to death Aaron's son for offering "strange fire". And Aaron doesn't seem to care.
|
|
|
Post by CoolJGS☺ on Dec 4, 2019 20:49:14 GMT
So Samson was in a bad way.
His hooker girlfriend betrayed him, his hair is cut off, and his eyes are poked out.
The Philistines are happy as uncircumcised clams at nabbing him so they decided to have a dope party for their god Dagon.
They weren’t paying attention because Samson hair was growing back.
The temple was supported by pillars and when Samson was placed by the pillars, he prays to God and basically says:
“If I’m gonna die, I’m taking a bunch of you suckas with me!!!!
He causes the temple to collapse and everyone dies.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
@Deleted
Posts: 0
Likes:
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 1:35:56 GMT
Oh yes He promised never to do it again. So that's all right then. And there was that rainbow, too! Nice of him to show his support for the gay community, there.
|
|
|
Post by clusium on Dec 5, 2019 4:53:22 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart.
Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night. Yes, but, earlier in I Kings, Absalom avenges his (full) sister, after their (half) brother rapes her, and then spurns her, leaving her with no chances of getting married.
|
|
|
Post by The Herald Erjen on Dec 5, 2019 8:38:10 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart.
Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night. Yes, but, earlier in I Kings, Absalom avenges his (full) sister, after their (half) brother rapes her, and then spurns her, leaving her with no chances of getting married. Well, this is true. Evidently he didn't start out to be a bad guy.
|
|
|
Post by CoolJGS☺ on Dec 5, 2019 11:55:03 GMT
Exodus -- Moses tricks the Pharaoh into sending his chariots in pursuit across the parted Red Sea and then drowns the bastards. I Kings -- David lulls Goliath into a false sense of confidence, then he smacks the fucker on the head with a stone and decapitates him. Judith -- She gets Holofernes drunk and when he passes out she hacks the evil bastard's head off. Esther -- Haman has a plan to hang Mordecai, but Esther turns it around on the miserable fucker and has him strung up on his own gallows. I Kings -- Elijah tricks the Canaanite priests into a contest they can't win, and then he croaks every one of those sorry bastards. I Kings -- When Absalom foolishly gets his head caught in a tree, Joab decides to use him for target practice and launches three darts though the fucker's heart.
Judges -- Samson appears for battle armed only with the jawbone of an ass, causing the Philistines to regard him as dead meat, but when they rush in to kill him he slaughters those bastards. EDIT -- Sorry, but I couldn't wait until Parody Night. Yes, but, earlier in I Kings, Absalom avenges his (full) sister, after their (half) brother rapes her, and then spurns her, leaving her with no chances of getting married. Tamar was a gorgeous princess. Unless it was self-imposed celibacy, she probably could have gotten married or at least I could never find a verse that said she didn't or couldn't get married.
|
|
|
Post by clusium on Dec 5, 2019 14:10:15 GMT
Yes, but, earlier in I Kings, Absalom avenges his (full) sister, after their (half) brother rapes her, and then spurns her, leaving her with no chances of getting married. Tamar was a gorgeous princess. Unless it was self-imposed celibacy, she probably could have gotten or at least I could never find a verse that said she didn't or couldn't get married. Thousands of years ago, if a girl wasn't a virgin, she was considered to be "damaged goods," even if she lost her virginity via rape. So unless the rapist married the girl, there was very little chance of her getting married. That is why after he raped her, Tamar felt further violated by him, when he spurned her.
|
|
|
Post by CoolJGS☺ on Dec 5, 2019 14:35:57 GMT
Tamar was a gorgeous princess. Unless it was self-imposed celibacy, she probably could have gotten or at least I could never find a verse that said she didn't or couldn't get married. Thousands of years ago, if a girl wasn't a virgin, she was considered to be "damaged goods," even if she lost her virginity via rape. So unless the rapist married the girl, there was very little chance of her getting married. That is why after he raped her, Tamar felt further violated by him, when he spurned her. Damaged good is not the same thing as unable to get married. A general rule is if the girl is cute, childless, and unengaged, she’s getting married. heck David married at least two women who had sex before. It’s not even true that they were automatically damaged goods. As far as I can tell if an engaged girl was raped, she was still engaged because she did nothing wrong. This is King David’s daughter. She could have been the most popular hooker in the land and still get a husband. What she decides to do is a different story. Rape victims have those feelings all the time. It’s a horrible and traumatic experience and there probably weren’t a lot of rape counselors back then.
|
|