Post by Honolulu on Mar 22, 2020 20:26:13 GMT
What if? What if you were born to suffer? No matter what you did would always result in your sufferring or the suffering of your family?
That's the way I feel. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree either. No matter how far from that tree and that bad luck you somehow managed to drag yourself away from, you discover that there is actually an invisible chain tied to your leg. This chain is elastic as well and will only allow you to get so many feet away.
You've tried every thing you can think of to alter the fabric of this invisible chain permanently tied to your leg. There is no use though. You can run, but you cannot get far at all.
This has been your entire life since the moment you were born. There is nobody to blame either. It just is what it is. It is how it will be until the day you die whenever that will be. You can find ways of prolonging the event, but the more you do, the less elastic that chain becomes. Eventually, you discover that the fabric of that chain modifies itself through some kind of unseen force acting upon it. When you've gone too far or out of bounds, and snap back in your progress, the chain has spikes on it as a punishment inflicting more wounds, deep wounds and these wounds are not always physically visible. Gradually it damages your psyche.
So I'll find my way back to the source...my mother. And I'll watch her dying slowly of her illness. I can do nothing. We will watxh in horror and reassure her that everything will be okay. If I am the only person on the planet that can ease her suffering just a little bit because I empathize with her as an adult daughter. The child in me cries and the teenager in me rebelled. I didn't rebel the same as she did. But in her present circumstances, I tried rebelling to no avail. Maybe she will let me braid her hair the way she braided mine when I was a little girl. She's so picky and tried being self-sufficient.
Then that will be it. Game over.
That's the way I feel. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree either. No matter how far from that tree and that bad luck you somehow managed to drag yourself away from, you discover that there is actually an invisible chain tied to your leg. This chain is elastic as well and will only allow you to get so many feet away.
You've tried every thing you can think of to alter the fabric of this invisible chain permanently tied to your leg. There is no use though. You can run, but you cannot get far at all.
This has been your entire life since the moment you were born. There is nobody to blame either. It just is what it is. It is how it will be until the day you die whenever that will be. You can find ways of prolonging the event, but the more you do, the less elastic that chain becomes. Eventually, you discover that the fabric of that chain modifies itself through some kind of unseen force acting upon it. When you've gone too far or out of bounds, and snap back in your progress, the chain has spikes on it as a punishment inflicting more wounds, deep wounds and these wounds are not always physically visible. Gradually it damages your psyche.
So I'll find my way back to the source...my mother. And I'll watch her dying slowly of her illness. I can do nothing. We will watxh in horror and reassure her that everything will be okay. If I am the only person on the planet that can ease her suffering just a little bit because I empathize with her as an adult daughter. The child in me cries and the teenager in me rebelled. I didn't rebel the same as she did. But in her present circumstances, I tried rebelling to no avail. Maybe she will let me braid her hair the way she braided mine when I was a little girl. She's so picky and tried being self-sufficient.
Then that will be it. Game over.
