A few years before she died, my wife Inez loved to splurge on the internet casino, not heavy, but enough to make it exciting, and not too expensive if she lost. As it happened she was quite good and won more than she lost. I could imagine her in a downtown gambling den wearing the green peak on her head. It inspired this nonsense. I called it "Inez the Cimarron Kid"
Inez the Cimarron Kid, She certainly knows all the lingo Of the betting regime they can`t see her scheme espec`lly when she`s playin` bingo,
Inez the Cimarron Kid She`s really a practical joker There`s none can be meaner Takes `em all to the cleaner But I ne`er had a clue she played poker.
Inez the Cimarron Kid, She`s surely a promising wag, Judge never a fool who can hustle at pool And I`ve heard she`s a wizard at brag.
Inez the Cimarron Kid, Indeed she`s a mind-boggling host, Newmarket and snap, and a nice buttered bap, Lord stop her from burning the toast.
Inez the Cimarron Kid, To most just a lovable star With the nickname of "Babs" You`ll see her in cabs, `Cos some bastard keeps nickin` her car.
Inez the Cimarron Kid If she`s lost a good hand l won`t mind I`ll speak with a hush, if she`s bet on a flush, but she`s dead if on "two of a kind".
Inez the Cimarron Kid At six then to bed she will creep She`ll clonk, and she`ll clink, but give her a wink she`ll say "Piss off I`m going to sleep"
No more poets forthcoming? Anyone like Doric poetry? Here's an example...
The Puddock (toad) by John M. Caie
A puddock sat by the lochan’s brim, An’ he thocht there was never a puddock like him. He sat on his hurdies, he waggled his legs, An’ cockit his heid as he glowered throu’ the seggs. The bigsy wee cratur’ was feelin’ that prood, He gapit his mou’ an’ he croakit oot lood: “Gin ye’d a’ like tae see a richt puddock,” quo’ he, “Ye’ll never, I’ll sweer, get a better nor me. I’ve fem’lies an’ wives an’ a weel-plenished hame, Wi’ drink for my thrapple an’ meat for my wame. The lasses aye thocht me a fine strappin’ chiel, An’ I ken I’m a rale bonny singer as weel. I’m nae gaun tae blaw, but th’ truth I maun tell- I believe I’m the verra MacPuddock himsel’.” …
A heron was hungry an’ needin’ tae sup, Sae he nabbit th’ puddock and gollup’t him up; Syne runkled his feathers: “A peer thing,” quo’ he, “But – puddocks is nae fat they eesed tae be.”
This may be a case of projection, but here's what I interpreted.
"puddock" = "pudding", as in "pulling on your pudding", i.e., male masturbation
"toad" = "horny toad" (North American genus of lizard)
"He sat on his hurdies" = "haunches", which evokes the image of a man with a big, muscular ass
"An cockit his heid as he glowered throu the seggs" = "cock(it); "heid" = "hide" = "ass"; (s)eggs = eggs = huevos = balls
"The bigsey was feeling that prood" = "big" and "proud"
"weel plenished hame" = well nourished hams = fat buttocks
"an MEAT for my wame" = lotsa "sausage" for the wife!
"the lasses aye thocht me a fine strapping chel" = the narrator is a big, sexy, strapping man
"Syne runkled his feathers, 'a peer thing' quo he" = Men who like to show off in front of other men. YOWZA!!!
"But puddocks is nae fat they eesed to be" = "Puddocks" rhymes with "buttocks" and I imagine the guy is referring to his fat ass. I love a nice, fat ass.
My feet tread upon the cloud, where regal gravity be not proud. When I wake, an Atlas weight returns, but my rebel shoulders, the burden spurns.
"Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to become greater than his nature will allow." Frankenstein
Yes, I suppose I have always been somewhat sex oriented. I am not aggressive in the slightest, nor do I seem to have a competitive bone in my body. Violence disturbs me deeply. And the mob mentality totally freaks me out.
It has been said that aggression and sex both get their start in the same area of the brain (amygdala?), so I guess I just went one way instead of the other.
But thank you for taking the time to provide all those definitions.