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Post by dirtypillows on Jul 6, 2020 18:10:36 GMT
Please feel free to elaborate!
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Post by novastar6 on Jul 6, 2020 18:29:44 GMT
I think everybody owes all sentient life forms a basic amount of respect. Past that it depends, pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, big sacrifices, but they're bigger when the parents put an actual effort into it, which many don't. So it really boils down to if the parents actually TRY. It would only make sense if you love someone you also respect them, but that's not always necessarily the case.
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Post by amyghost on Jul 6, 2020 18:36:19 GMT
Simply put, all respect needs to be earned. No one gets a free pass just through becoming a parent, any more so than donning a uniform or occupying a position of authority should automatically grant it.
If you've been a good parent, it's likely enough your children will appreciate and respect you. In the cases where they don't, it's unfortunate but life is sometimes unfortunate. Unfortunately, it also tends to be the case that often enough it's the poor parent who tends to feel that they're somehow entitled to shows of respect on nothing more than the strength of having produced offspring.
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Post by Stammerhead on Jul 6, 2020 18:58:09 GMT
Not all parents are involved in giving life but if you’re a parent you should expect to get what you deserve.
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Post by politicidal on Jul 6, 2020 20:12:26 GMT
Some people should never be parents because they're complete shitheads. Those people, I cannot fault the kids if they don't respect them.
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Post by mslo79 on Jul 7, 2020 3:04:36 GMT
Yes, by default. unless the parents really go off the rails.
but as usual... people default to the opposite of what Jesus Christ says in the poll. a quick reminder, the 5th Commandment basically says, "Honor your father and your mother".
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Jul 7, 2020 9:23:03 GMT
Good parents yes
Bad parents no
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Post by Spike Del Rey on Jul 7, 2020 12:46:08 GMT
Giving birth to someone doesn't automatically make you a parent. You have to work at that, and some fail miserably. Those people don't deserve respect.
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Post by alfromni on Jul 7, 2020 13:12:22 GMT
Respect works both ways. One shouldn't expect respect. It's earned.
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Post by dirtypillows on Jul 10, 2020 17:25:56 GMT
Humans are not born slaves to their parents, nor do we have a choice about being born. Any respect, the parent must earn. And it’s not a hard thing to earn if one is good parent. "Nor do we have a choice about being born" - yes, I've always thought was a valid statement, a reasonable point of view
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Post by onethreetwo on Jul 10, 2020 17:33:58 GMT
I love my parents but I feel no obligation to them. I don't go out of my way to do anything special for them on Mother's or Father's Day, other than to call them and wish them a happy day. That's it.
They made my childhood a nightmare, and I wish I could say I forgive them, but I don't. I thought maybe my Mother knew how horrible she was, but last year on Thanksgiving she made a comment to me that my Brother and I were happy kids. So, there you go. She doesn't get it. She feels no regret. She doesn't even know how much we suffered. That's the worst part.
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Post by someguy on Jul 10, 2020 20:51:44 GMT
In most cases, yes. However, it should not be automatic. I love and respect my parents, but there are many people who have reason not to. The irony is that many of the parents who actually deserve respect the least are the ones who feel entitled to it the most.
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Jul 10, 2020 21:37:02 GMT
In most cases, yes. However, it should not be automatic. I love and respect my parents, but there are many people who have reason not to. The irony is that many of the parents who actually deserve respect the least are the ones who feel entitled to it the most.Yeah i have noticed that to, my father was like that which is why i have not spoken to him or seen him in 15 years.
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Post by darkreviewer2013 on Jul 12, 2020 7:36:36 GMT
Honestly, it all depends on the parents and what sort of relationship they've cultivated with their children.
A large proportion of parents are essentially well-meaning and decent people in respect of their children who do their best in raising them. These types of parents deserve their children's respect and appreciation, though not to the point where, as adults, said children subordinate their own wishes and beliefs to those of their parents.
Bad or abusive parents are a different story altogether. I see no good reason why people who neglect their children or subject them to psychological or physical abuse during the course of their upbringing deserve any respect.
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Post by dirtypillows on Jul 12, 2020 18:43:42 GMT
I love my parents but I feel no obligation to them. I don't go out of my way to do anything special for them on Mother's or Father's Day, other than to call them and wish them a happy day. That's it. They made my childhood a nightmare, and I wish I could say I forgive them, but I don't. I thought maybe my Mother knew how horrible she was, but last year on Thanksgiving she made a comment to me that my Brother and I were happy kids. So, there you go. She doesn't get it. She feels no regret. She doesn't even know how much we suffered. That's the worst part. I struggle with forgiveness as well. Sometimes on a day to day basis. The best I can do is imagine what my parents' upbringing was like and then I find forgiveness comes rather easily. And when I am in a state of forgiveness I find that I am much calmer and centered than if I am feeling the turmoil of resentment. I remember the time when my mother, pretty much out of nowhere, made the comment that she felt like she hadn't done anything where she needed to be forgiven. It was unsolicited to the point where it really stood out. I am sure this must have been something she had been brooding over for a while and then to calm herself she needed to say it out loud in front of her child. Obviously she was feeling guilty about something. Like your mom, my mom didn't seem to get it. At the same time, my mom was an EXCELLENT nurse in the emergency room. I doubt she made too many mistakes. In the workplace, she was solid. I know that much. And then there's my dad, who has told me over and over and over again what a terrible father he had and he has emphatically stated that he does not forgive him. He also seems to resent his brother for the fact that his brother HAS forgiven their dad. When I was younger I didn't think much about it, but now it annoys me more than a bit. It does not set a good example and it displays a severe lack of self-awareness. And then there's the whole idea of learning from your parents' mistakes. Of course, in order to do that, a person must have a certain degree of self-awareness themselves.
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Post by quagsjonny on Jul 12, 2020 20:41:31 GMT
A child is a responsibility. Don't, if you are not ready. Bad circumstances, understood. Think first.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Jul 13, 2020 22:29:29 GMT
In extreme cases obviously NO. Drug addict parents who are totally absent for example deserve nothing. However, some parents are good people who do the best they can and still screw up a few things here and there. In that case I think that parents and grown adult children have the opportunity to work some things out, respectfully. But its been my experience that parents hardly ever acknowledge fault or blame.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Jul 13, 2020 22:32:56 GMT
Yes, by default. unless the parents really go off the rails. but as usual... people default to the opposite of what Jesus Christ says in the poll. a quick reminder, the 5th Commandment basically says, "Honor your father and your mother". But even you allow for: "unless the parents really go off the rails." Unfortunately A LOT of parents do go off the rails.
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Post by dirtypillows on Jul 14, 2020 0:54:23 GMT
In extreme cases obviously NO. Drug addict parents who are totally absent for example deserve nothing. However, some parents are good people who do the best they can and still screw up a few things here and there. In that case I think that parents and grown adult children have the opportunity to work some things out, respectfully. But its been my experience that parents hardly ever acknowledge fault or blame. Yes. It's like adding insult to injury. It's very dismissive of the child's validity.
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Post by dirtypillows on Jul 15, 2020 15:13:59 GMT
Yes, as someone else said, by default. If they do something to lose their offspring's respect, that's on the parent. But there is a certain existential respect that a child owes its parents. But what if the world of one's parents is a world of fear and dread and shame? For several years that is really the only world the child knows, or at least that is the world of overriding impact. Eventually, hopefully, the child can learn socialization and want to know other people and at some point come to comprehend that there is a lot more in the world than fear. I don't think this scenario is far fetched, either. Sometimes, for me, life feels like it's just a whole lot of undoing learned bad habits and retraining the dysfunctional lessons and attitudes my parents taught me. And while I don't want to be blaming them, I also don't feel all that compelled to feel very appreciative, hence my post, which asked not only about respect, but also about appreciation. Nobody except Amyghost has cited the notion of appreciation, which really is on a par with respect. To whatever degree I am a solid person with an okay life, I'm the one who made it happen. Certainly not my parents. Same goes for many people. Sometimes it seems like the whole idea of being given life is akin to cleaning up somebody else's mess. All the change that is required to make it happen is a lot of work and about 95% comes from within the person themselves. I would love it if, for example, some Oscar winner got up there and in his acceptance speech went down the list and thanked whomever he felt had helped him, but then at the end saved the biggest thanks for he himself. It likely wouldn't go over well, but it would be honest and true. (Not to mention refreshing) The person makes it happen. When our parents give us life, they are also presenting us with the biggest challenge of them all. And not everybody is up to that challenge. This is just one point of view, but it compels me.
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