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Post by Nora on Sept 24, 2020 10:19:20 GMT
Your parents are adults, treat them like adults and they will learn to treat you like an adult. If you hide your opinions and cower under their bullying they will treat you like a child forever. Intolerance is their problem, don't let them make it yours. if they are in their 70s or older its really not realistic to expect them to change their ways. |
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Post by Nora on Sept 24, 2020 10:24:08 GMT
I notice a few on this thread have said "they're old, so just agree with them". That's rather condescending bullshit. I would just be very firm about it. And what's wrong with a robust argument about politics?
My dad was a robotic Democrat even though he was far from a liberal. He just voted for the party of Roosevelt and Kennedy. Particular issues were of no interest to him. He just knew Republicans were for the rich.
I might hold my nose and vote for Trump because he hasn't gotten us involved in any new wars. Biden will have us embroiled in Syria within a year and he will iunvade Iran by the end of his term.
in my case it was said considering the health effects Dirty mentioned previous debates had. if it was real; then yes, i dont think its worthy to be firm and risking another serious heart/brain episode. Especially since it seems both sides have already said their piece before. If they are old (think 70 and above) they are extremelly unlikely to change their ways or firmly held beliefs. Its not about always agreeing with old people but realizing that at a certain age and with certain personalities a change of opinions that represent something significant to then or change of their character is just extremelly unlikely. So in case of parents prone to life threatening conditions I would pick my battles. Thats all. |
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Post by TheOriginalPinky on Sept 24, 2020 12:17:51 GMT
Just smile at him, and shake your head. Words are not necessary. He's obviously not only a bully, but a fool.
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Post by Nora on Sept 24, 2020 16:55:09 GMT
in my case it was said considering the health effects Dirty mentioned previous debates had. if it was real; then yes, i dont think its worthy to be firm and risking another serious heart/brain episode. Especially since it seems both sides have already said their piece before. If they are old (think 70 and above) they are extremelly unlikely to change their ways or firmly held beliefs. Its not about always agreeing with old people but realizing that at a certain age and with certain personalities a change of opinions that represent something significant to then or change of their character is just extremelly unlikely. So in case of parents prone to life threatening conditions I would pick my battles. Thats all. I could just never see myself agreeing with someone because they're over 70. I mean Trump is 74 and Biden is 78. Are either of those men so debilitated they can't debate without having a heart attack? If your parents get agitated about politics just change the subject. oh I didnt mean strangers or other people, sure, why not, I mean just in My case - which sounds similar to Dirtys - where the parents are a) old b) not in a great health c) prone to get so emotionally affected that they could cause serious health risks to themselves, I just think its not worth the risk. I would hapilly debate Trump or Biden of course  Its just with the jumpy fragile parents, Ill nod and change the subject to avoid watching them give themselves another heart attack. My dad already had two and a stroke I think thats enough |
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Sept 24, 2020 16:58:09 GMT
My dad tells me I have to vote for Trump every single damn day. I don't say anything because when I told the folks I voted for Obama in 2008 my dad had a stroke and my mom had a heart attack. But it's getting on my nerves big time. Isn't it kind of rude to tell somebody how to vote? How would you handle it without being rude? P.S. my father has always been a bully. I've dealt with EXACTLY the type you mean. Just say "Yeah sure" and then go do what you want to. We've all been there. Neither of you are going to change the others mind and its not worth the stroke and heart attacks.
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Post by enigma72 on Sept 24, 2020 17:01:55 GMT
My dad tells me I have to vote for Trump every single damn day. I don't say anything because when I told the folks I voted for Obama in 2008 my dad had a stroke and my mom had a heart attack. But it's getting on my nerves big time. Isn't it kind of rude to tell somebody how to vote? How would you handle it without being rude? P.S. my father has always been a bully. I've dealt with EXACTLY the type you mean. Just say "Yeah sure" and then go do what you want to. We've all been there. Neither of you are going to change the others mind and its not worth the stroke and heart attacks. ^^ My parents have passed away. With that perspective I would do just what you said len. |
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Post by moviemouth on Sept 25, 2020 4:11:25 GMT
Your parents are adults, treat them like adults and they will learn to treat you like an adult. If you hide your opinions and cower under their bullying they will treat you like a child forever. Intolerance is their problem, don't let them make it yours. That isn't necessarily true. Some parents are just weak minded control freaks and many people have been disowned for going against their parents.
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Post by moviemouth on Sept 25, 2020 4:21:21 GMT
Have you asked them to stop telling you how to vote?
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Post by dirtypillows on Sept 25, 2020 6:38:40 GMT
Have you asked them to stop telling you how to vote? No. I've gone through some possible scenarios about what I could say to him. I just know how he is and I know how I am and if I say anything but the obvious placating words then he will become agitated which pushes my buttons like nothing else and I'm just afraid it could get very ugly. Like Nora said, I very much resent my dad because he has no boundaries and thinks he can say whatever he wants to me and feels like he doesn't have to be accountable towards me because I'm his child. I do remember, a few years ago, I was living at home and I'd come home and saw him opening up my mail. When I asked him what he was doing he confronted me with the contents of the mail. Not only did he not see anything wrong with going through my mail, but he actually became confrontational. No shame. I never got so mad so quick and I cussed him out real bad. I'm not sorry I did it because he had it coming, though aside from making me feel better, it didn't change anything in the long run. I just know I never want to get that angry again, but if anybody can do it, he can. I think he gets off on it a little bit. If I do tell/ask him not to tell me how to vote, I will be reporting back here accordingly! |
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Post by moviemouth on Sept 25, 2020 7:01:39 GMT
Have you asked them to stop telling you how to vote? No. I've gone through some possible scenarios about what I could say to him. I just now he is and I know I am and if I say anything but the obvious placating words then he will become agitated which pushes my buttons like nothing else and I'm just afraid it could get very ugly. Like Nora said, I very much resent my dad because he has no boundaries and think he can say whatever he wants to me and feels like he doesn't have to be accountable towards me because I'm his child. I do remember, a few years ago, I was living at home and I'd come home and saw him opening up my mail. When I asked him what he was doing he confronted me with the contents of the mail. Not only did he not see anything wrong with going through my mail, but he actually became confrontational. No shame. I never got so mad so quick and I cussed him out real bad. I'm not sorry I did it because he had it coming, though aside from making me feel better, it didn't change anything in the long run. I just know I never want to get that angry again, but if anybody can do it, he can. I think he gets off on it a little bit. If I do tell/ask him not to tell me how to vote, I will be reporting back here accordingly! Yikes. I don't know if this can have a good ending. Do you want him to be in your life? It might just be something you have to put up with depending on your situation.
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Post by Sarge on Sept 25, 2020 8:56:50 GMT
We all go through it. I did. Now I have adult kids and I'm waiting for them to act like adults. I may not like their decisions but I want to know they aren't pushovers. So, how might you react if your child disagreed with you over something you felt was important? If your child voted differently than you, what do you think you might say? Depends on whether they could articulate a cogent reason for the decision. If they are making the decision because they are uninformed, a lemming, or just being rebellious then I would be disappointed. Obviously some people can't tolerate challenges to their politics because they didn't reason themselves into it, they never challenged what they believe so they can't tolerate another doing it, but that doesn't necessarily mean they won't feel some pride that you stand on your own even if they won't admit it. But either way it's their problem, don't let them make it yours. Being able to discuss something politely while disagreeing is a valuable skill. |
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Post by Sarge on Sept 25, 2020 9:36:39 GMT
Your parents are adults, treat them like adults and they will learn to treat you like an adult. If you hide your opinions and cower under their bullying they will treat you like a child forever. Intolerance is their problem, don't let them make it yours. if they are in their 70s or older its really not realistic to expect them to change their ways. By that point, it wouldn't matter if they did, the relationship is what it is. I've known people who tried to repair relationships with their kids once they got old and it's too late. |
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Post by Sarge on Sept 25, 2020 9:46:05 GMT
Your parents are adults, treat them like adults and they will learn to treat you like an adult. If you hide your opinions and cower under their bullying they will treat you like a child forever. Intolerance is their problem, don't let them make it yours. That isn't necessarily true. Some parents are just weak minded control freaks and many people have been disowned for going against their parents. You're right, even more reason not to put up with toxic people. I had close family members who died alone because their kids wouldn't visit, not even on their deathbed. My grandmother lived in a garden shed her last several years. I had two uncle's and two aunt's die alone in nursing homes, kids wouldn't visit. Hope it was worth it to them. |
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Post by moviemouth on Sept 25, 2020 9:58:36 GMT
That isn't necessarily true. Some parents are just weak minded control freaks and many people have been disowned for going against their parents. You're right, even more reason not to put up with toxic people. I had close family members who died alone because their kids wouldn't visit, not even on their deathbed. My grandmother lived in a garden shed her last several years. I had two uncle's and two aunt's die alone in nursing homes, kids wouldn't visit. Hope it was worth it to them. I can't say what I would do in that situation because it is so unfamiliar to me. My parents are the exact opposite, though even when I joke about voting for Trump it gives my Mom anxiety. She doesn't need to pressure me to vote against him, but this is the first time she actively cares about who I vote for.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2020 10:08:41 GMT
Do whatever you want. Dont agree and then finally let up, you have to be believable for the con lol. If you just agree then it might be suspicious
On a different note, the subject of people that are controlling. How is his social life? Sometimes they dont have many friends. Also could be the fact, that when they get involved in your life they dont have to focus on issues in their life
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Post by Stammerhead on Sept 25, 2020 11:54:27 GMT
oh I didnt mean strangers or other people, sure, why not, I mean just in My case - which sounds similar to Dirtys - where the parents are a) old b) not in a great health c) prone to get so emotionally affected that they could cause serious health risks to themselves, I just think its not worth the risk. I would hapilly debate Trump or Biden of course Its just with the jumpy fragile parents, Ill nod and change the subject to avoid watching them give themselves another heart attack. My dad already had two and a stroke I think thats enough Well since they're your parents and there are years of baggage, I can see handling it differently than you would a neighbor or a coworker.
But I still must say I can't see any old person being so fragile that they can't talk about an issue without getting so angry they have a heart attack. If they're that volatile they need to be on tranquilizers. Whatever happened to old people mellowing out?
If people already have existing heart conditions stress can be a factor and should be avoided if possible. Of course some people bring on their own stress and fail to follow advice on mellowing down.
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Post by Sarge on Sept 25, 2020 17:17:41 GMT
You're right, even more reason not to put up with toxic people. I had close family members who died alone because their kids wouldn't visit, not even on their deathbed. My grandmother lived in a garden shed her last several years. I had two uncle's and two aunt's die alone in nursing homes, kids wouldn't visit. Hope it was worth it to them. I can't say what I would do in that situation because it is so unfamiliar to me. My parents are the exact opposite, though even when I joke about voting for Trump it gives my Mom anxiety. She doesn't need to pressure me to vote against him, but this is the first time she actively cares about who I vote for. My family has more than it's fair share of overbearing and controlling people which is why I live far away and never take my kids to visit, gotta break the cycle. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2020 18:07:56 GMT
I don't think my dad ever voted when it was alive. As for my mom she votes and tells me to vote but never for who.
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Post by enigma72 on Sept 25, 2020 22:35:14 GMT
Back in 1964, I went into the voting booth with my mom and she let me pull the levers. She made damn sure I voted for Lyndon Johnson! Visual aid for younger people who don't know what I mean by "lever".  Back in 1964 I was in elementary school and we had those big voting machine booths in the lobby of school. Us kids got to fiddle around with all the knobs and stuff it was kind of cool and kind of learning experience. My first vote was in 1976 and those booths were still around so I knew how to do it! This image brought back so many good memories! Thanks martin. |
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Post by dirtypillows on Sept 26, 2020 0:20:49 GMT
I can't say what I would do in that situation because it is so unfamiliar to me. My parents are the exact opposite, though even when I joke about voting for Trump it gives my Mom anxiety. She doesn't need to pressure me to vote against him, but this is the first time she actively cares about who I vote for. My family has more than it's fair share of overbearing and controlling people which is why I live far away and never take my kids to visit, gotta break the cycle. My sister and I sure broke the cycle all right. No kids! |
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