I'm too stupid to play Minecraft

Well, I will give you some tips from what I recall.

First, very important tip, is to learn to punch trees. All these types of games start with you punching down trees. In the crafting and survival game world, if you see a tree, you run over to it and punch it until it falls down. If you can't punch trees down, there will be some collectables scattered around so you can craft the means to punch down trees using a tool. If there are no trees around, restart the game so you begin in a temperate area with trees. Basically, trees are the first gatekeeping element so you need to learn how to deal with them-- by punching them.

Doing so gets you wood which you need as the first resource. From there, you can build rudimentary tools which make punching down trees faster. In Minecraft, I believe you need to build a crafting table first which is just four blocks of wood in the little grid in your inventory screen. Eventually, you will move to the next phase: Mining rocks. And then that's what you do for the rest of the game.

You can also punch the ground and use the dirt to build a rudimentary shelter. I'd advise doing that early on. At night, you get attacked by zombies and spiders.

After that, you're supposed to figure out the game and what you want to do from there.