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Post by marshamae on Jun 16, 2017 2:36:34 GMT
Glad to see the love for Parenthood. It's parenting light, but it should get credit for highlighting some of the commoner problems. Helicopter parenting obsessed with precicocity ( Harley Jane Kodak and Rick Moranis) , single mom trying to set boundaries and giving in when the kids push back ( Diane Wiest) rank favoritism and inability to reign in narcicistic adict ( Jason Robards) and relatively normal parents trying to live and accept the kids they got instead reassembling them to be kids they would like better ( Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen) are all part of The mix. Ron Howard ends up with the notion tgat all parents can really do is love their children , and that this is more rewarding than all the goal setting.
I especially liked Diane Wiest' s family. Her decision to accept that Todd as the only way to keep Julie, and discovering he had a lot to offer, and perhaps she had something to offer him, was somehow moving. Steve Martin had all Tge shiny stuff and he was very funny, but somehow Wiest is The one that stuck with me.
mcCav, just saw your comment about Ordinary people. Wonderful film about parenting. I thought both MTM and Southerland were ineffective with Conrad. MTM just didn't feel warmth for him, and would have preferred to have her other son alive. Southerland did give in to Conrad, didn't give him boundaries and leadership. His saving grace was his ability to look at his win behavior and receive help. MTM could not do this. She was hair raising and brilliant, and I crédit Redford with giving her the courage to go there.
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Post by mcavanaugh on Jun 20, 2017 21:06:53 GMT
I chose good parenting in my original post. But now I'll add a few that are illustrative of either bad parenting or difficult parenting. Rebel Without a Cause - a parent/child nightmare Now Voyager - poor Bette Davis August, Osage County - it doesn't get much worst (and I hated the film!) and here's a couple more GOOD parenting ones I really like: In America
The Dark at the Top of the StairsSpider, I'm surprised you left out Splendour in the Grass as containing examples of really bad parenting! |
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Post by mcavanaugh on Jun 21, 2017 12:26:20 GMT
Spider, I'm surprised you left out Splendour in the Grass as containing examples of really bad parenting! Mc, I don't view it that way. I think the parents in that film are very complex characters, and while I believe you can make the argument that their parenting had ill effects, I also believe that they wanted what was best for their children. I think they were trying to be good parents, adhering to the sexual and financial mores of the times, which in itself created problems for their children.
William Inge, the playwright who wrote the original screenplay, once said that his great theme was that we had to learn to forgive our parents. I've always taken that to mean we had to forgive them for not being able to be "good" parents despite their efforts to do so.
For example, there's a moment in Splendor when Bud's father says to Bud, "You'd have to marry her if you got her in trouble, you know that, son." That to me bespeaks a man who had goodness in him, despite his flaws and his failures in parenting.
Similarly, at the end of the film, Deanie's mother says, "I raised you the only way I knew how, Deanie. The way my mother raised me, and I supposed the way her mother raised her. . .I always believed she was right about things. Maybe she wasn't. . .But I loved her." After a moment of silence, Deanie says, "I love you, Mother." And her mother softly replies, "I hope so, Deanie."
So in the end, I consider Splendor in the Grass to be a story of vulnerable children with flawed parents trying to do what they think is right, but hurting their kids in the process without ever meaning to do so. This, for me, isn't as simple as "bad parenting," though I can understand why some might think it is. It's flawed parenting, for sure. But I can see the reasons, and I can even feel empathy for the parents. When that happens, I know the writing and directing is exceptionally good.
Would love to know your thoughts about this.
I think your analysis wisely illustrates that the parent-child relationships in Splendor are more complex than may appear on the surface. The message Mrs. Loomis gives Deanie might be harmful – nice girls don't have “those kinds of feelings”; married women “give in” to their husbands only in order to have children – but it's probably fairly typical of the kinds of advice/messages mothers gave to their daughters at that time, placing paramount importance on the girl remaining a virgin until marriage. Deanie's ability to tell her mother she loves her near the end of the film indicates her growth and maturity as a young woman. Ace Stamper seems to be trying to live part of his life and his dreams through his son. He tells Bud that he has to do the running for both of them now that he (Ace) can't run anymore. There are moments when I want to smack him and say, “Listen to your son, man!” but that doesn't stop me from enjoying Pat Hingle's performance. Ace is tyranical, hell-bent on seeing his son installed as an undergrad at Yale, but I know that if my son had wanted to get married when he was still a teenager, I would have done or said just about anything to persuade him to wait until he had a university degree and a good job. Though flawed, as you note, the parents, too, are products of their time, their upbringing, and their culture. |
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