What did You Watch Last Week (19/10 - 25/10) C:LOSED

First Time Viewing:

The Blair Witch Project (1999; Daniel Meyrick, Eduardo Sanchez) – I finally got around to watching the financially most successful movie of all time. My thoughts on it? Well, along with Carpenter’s Halloween this is probably one of the most influential horror films ever made. But while Hallloween still holds up as a very well-made atmospheric flick and it’s easy to understand the strong impression it must’ve made on contemporary moviegoers, Blair Witch left me utterly mystified. It’s a dull home video featuring unlikeable characters. Perhaps people were scared by it, because initially they assumed that it was a real found-footage movie depicting actual events, but once you know it’s all bogus it becomes almost impossible to invest into this half-baked tale of a supposedly frightening witch haunting the Maryland woods. There’s nothing of interest going on throughout, even if the beginning does tease some creepier developments with some talking heads elucidating on the origins of the spooky legend. Once the camera team arrives at their destination the plot comes to a complete standstill though. Some conflict is manufactured out of nothing, we are supposed to believe that entire days have passed when it actually feels more like hours at most, and these people are supposed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, because some unseen force is terrorising them. Sorry, it didn’t work for me. I actually came to the conclusion that the entire enterprise would’ve made a more successful radio play, relying only on the power of sounds it would’ve been a fun campfire tale. But the pictures add very little to the experience. It’s inexplicable why any distributor would take a chance on a movie this shoddily made. However they did and made a lot of money in the process, which just shows again that I’ve no clue how these things work.
1/10

Four Flies On Grey Velvet (1971; Dario Argento) – A strangely bloodless and in parts unforgivably silly giallo with a typically ludicrous plot. It has some impressive stylish set-pieces, but also drags in parts. Whodunit fans will also have little trouble spotting the culprit long before the end. It’s a shame Argento didn’t want to use more of Morricone’s marvellous score, because the rock music utilised in some parts is rather poor. A warning to animal lovers: This has a mutilated cat, while weirdly all the human kills remain clean and almost gore-free.
6/10

Incident in a Ghostland (2018; Pascal Laugier) – One of the most annoying horrors I’ve seen in a long time. Lots of screaming and cheap exploitation. I still haven’t seen the notorious Martyrs, and thought that The Tall Man was solid but not very memorable. This one is a total train wreck though.
2/10

Mother! (2017; Darren Aronofsky) – I’m shocked by the Razzie nomination for Jen Lawrence, I thought she gave a fine performance in a difficult role (how do you play Mother Nature convincingly?). The movie itself was too artificial and contrived for me to work, and the plot felt too thin to support a 2 hour film. Unlike something like Malick’s The Tree Of Life it also lacked the visual poetry to pull me in. It’s technically well-made and you have to respect the director for not compromising his vision, even though I didn’t find the idea particularly interesting and didn’t really like how it was presented. I know this is a polarising movie and I didn’t hate it, but I had to force myself to watch to the end. Ultimately I feel that there could’ve been a more entertaining and less confusing way to deliver this message.
2/10

What We Do in the Shadows (2014; Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi) – Enjoyable mockumentary about 4 Kiwi vampires sharing a home in Wellington. It has some hilarious moments, but occasionally suffers from attempting to tell a coherent story. Jemaine Clement is the clear highlight as the most charismatic bloodsucker. Not every joke works, and some of the ideas could’ve been fleshed-out better. In my opinion the werewolves could also have been omitted.
7/10

Repeat Viewing:

American Psycho (2000; Mary Harron) – It took me a while to appreciate this adaptation. The book is so powerful that initially the movie felt like a major disappointment. I understand leaving out lot of the disturbing content, but even the comedy part felt like a let-down with some of the funniest scenes from the novel missing. It has however really benefitted from repeat viewings, because the novel is not as fresh in my mind anymore I can see it as a separate entity. It does have some very strong aspects: Christian Bale perfectly embodies the Bateman from the book. It’s almost scary how he manages to switch from goofiness to a cold emptiness and in later parts sheer madness and desperation. The soundtrack is fantastic with all the artists from the source material present. It is also well-shot and the supporting parts are well-acted as well. I still don’t think that it ever improves on the novel, but there are parts where it comes close to its brilliance. A scene with a chainsaw is very effective, there is a part where Bateman visits Paul Allen’s cleaned-up apartment which is impressively handled and the ending is very effective, powerfully conveying the message of the source material: “Inside doesn’t matter.”
7.5/10

Final Destination (1999; James Wong) – This might be my favourite horror franchise of the 21st century. I know these movies are no high art, but they provide good entertainment. The first one has great atmosphere and Devon Sawa and Ali Larter make for likeable protagonists. It is a good idea well-executed.
7.5/10

Final Destination 2 (2003; David R. Ellis) – Part 2 ups the ante with more elaborate and gorier death scenes, but the bland cast is a step-back and the novelty factor is obviously gone. The opening highway pile-up still remains an impressive visceral achievement though.
7/10

Final Destination 3 (2006; James Wong) – This is where the series became a horror-comedy. It’s all very tongue-in-cheek and and over-the-top. The always likeable Mary Winstead and some inventive killings ensure that it’s never less than watchable though.
7/10

The Last Boy Scout (1991; Tony Scott) – Foul-mouthed, testosterone-fuelled mayhem which may well be the quintessential R-rated action movie. Even though Shane Black’s original script was heavily altered and cast members, director and producer kept butting heads on set, the notoriously troubled production still resulted in a very entertaining movie. Each time you start thinking it jumped the shark with its constant cynicism and never-ending flow of (pseudo-) cool one-liners, it redeems itself with some riotously entertaining scene.
7/10

Triangle (2009; Christopher Smith) – I feel that you have to be in the right mood to enjoy this. It’s a very depressing movie, especially once you start thinking about what further implications the situation has for the protagonist. It is really similar to a certain Twilight Zone episode, but surpasses it when it comes to atmosphere and thrills.
7.5/10