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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2021 12:06:23 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single.
I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop.
I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair.
I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog.
I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible.
I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?”
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Post by Spitfire926f on Feb 18, 2021 12:36:06 GMT
How old is your son?
I don't think you should wait to split from your wife. Honestly, it isn't fair to her. You're cheating, so you are risking her health. You son I am sure is picking up on your unhappiness. Break it off with your wife and figure out how to coparent with your son. I'd recommend a family counselor for the three of you while you navigate the divorce. It would be beneficial for all of you, especially your son.
Marriage/monogamy is not for everyone. You are clearly one of those people. Unfortunately you didn't figure it out until after the fact. Do the right thing and free your wife so she has a chance to find a partner who wants to be committed to her. This isn't her fault, and that's something you need to reinforce to her through a family therapist. It probably wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone individually as well, just to help you figure out appropriate relationship boundaries in the future so you don't make the same mistake.
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Post by kls on Feb 18, 2021 12:48:33 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” What does she do that is acting horrible?
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Post by Stammerhead on Feb 18, 2021 12:56:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2021 13:26:27 GMT
How old is your son? I don't think you should wait to split from your wife. Honestly, it isn't fair to her. You're cheating, so you are risking her health. You son I am sure is picking up on your unhappiness. Break it off with your wife and figure out how to coparent with your son. I'd recommend a family counselor for the three of you while you navigate the divorce. It would be beneficial for all of you, especially your son. Marriage/monogamy is not for everyone. You are clearly one of those people. Unfortunately you didn't figure it out until after the fact. Do the right thing and free your wife so she has a chance to find a partner who wants to be committed to her. This isn't her fault, and that's something you need to reinforce to her through a family therapist. It probably wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone individually as well, just to help you figure out appropriate relationship boundaries in the future so you don't make the same mistake. I know. And I’m being selfish because I don’t want to spend time away from my son. But it’s probably for the best.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2021 13:36:11 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” What does she do that is acting horrible? She’s not a horrible person. But for example. She will be really rude and make me uncomfortable in public. Just say nasty things to cashiers or people if she’s pissed and won’t let it go. Then I just sit back and let it pass because I don’t want to be a part of it. Then she will be like “why didn’t you defend me?”
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Post by TheOriginalPinky on Feb 18, 2021 18:26:13 GMT
Do your wife, your kid and yourself a favor. Get a divorce - NOW!
You're already emotionally separated from them, just get the guts to move forward and cut the cord.
Everyone will be better off in the longrun.
You married too young.
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Post by onethreetwo on Feb 18, 2021 18:32:12 GMT
I've had a woman complain I don't defend her when she's being a bitch. I can totally relate to that. It sucks. I don't know what to tell you, but cheating isn't right. You took a vow.
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Post by moviemouth on Feb 19, 2021 4:34:00 GMT
You sound similar to me.
Someone who likes their freedom and is too selfish for a relationship.
The funny thing is that I still love my ex-girlfriend after 5 years being apart (10 years with her) and I sometimes wish I stayed. I have a very impulsive personality though and I know I would likely end up leaving her again.
She is actually still friends with me, but doesn't trust me enough not to break her heart again. She has stayed single since I broke up with her.
I don't date at all anymore.
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ebony
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Post by ebony on Feb 19, 2021 6:50:02 GMT
My parents waited until I was 17 to divorce and all it did was damage me from watching them abuse each other. I asked my mom recently why it took soo long and she said she'd been trying to leave since I was 4 but her parents didn't want her to get divorced. I'm glad they stayed together long enough to at least get their Canadian citizenship when I was 9. I didn't see any use in them being together after that. My parents were in their 40s when they finally stopped putting up with each other.
Do your family a favour and leave your wife.
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Post by Spitfire926f on Feb 19, 2021 12:44:53 GMT
How old is your son? I don't think you should wait to split from your wife. Honestly, it isn't fair to her. You're cheating, so you are risking her health. You son I am sure is picking up on your unhappiness. Break it off with your wife and figure out how to coparent with your son. I'd recommend a family counselor for the three of you while you navigate the divorce. It would be beneficial for all of you, especially your son. Marriage/monogamy is not for everyone. You are clearly one of those people. Unfortunately you didn't figure it out until after the fact. Do the right thing and free your wife so she has a chance to find a partner who wants to be committed to her. This isn't her fault, and that's something you need to reinforce to her through a family therapist. It probably wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone individually as well, just to help you figure out appropriate relationship boundaries in the future so you don't make the same mistake. While I don’t entirely disagree with you Ms. Spit, I just don’t feel it appropriate or ideal to give out ‘direct’ advise to someone on a largely anonymous chat board. These things could have an influence that may not end up being ideal if the advise is taken heed of. Plus there is also the son to consider. I’d say professional counselling first before any advise be given and we don’t even know what mellows wife’s needs are in terms of partnership/relationships. Fair point, Toasty. I guess I shouldn't assume that everyone takes what's said here with a grain, but I did recommend the therapist to navigate everything. He needs to at least stop sleeping around until they figure it out then. It's not fair to potentially expose his wife to something. Condoms aren't 100%.
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Harmless elf
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Post by Harmless elf on Feb 19, 2021 14:46:41 GMT
Yeah I like my alone time. The best thing is probably friends with benefits. I had that before. I'm not romantic though, holding hands and things like that are cringey. Girls get mad when I don't wanna hold their hand in public. Kissing is also pointless, putting two lips together? Don't get why that is anything. It's best just to hang out, watch movies, and then maybe some sexual stuff. Romance is made up by humans I don't see animals giving each other flowers or chocolates or saying love you honey... Well maybe a Bee or a bear. Bottom line is marriage sucks.
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Post by quagsjonny on Feb 19, 2021 16:33:44 GMT
Covid is 2x evil. The social construct has been destroyed. Accept never going to a concert, party, rally or social event again. The Wu flu, will reduce u too.
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Post by kls on Feb 20, 2021 0:41:55 GMT
Fair point, Toasty. I guess I shouldn't assume that everyone takes what's said here with a grain, but I did recommend the therapist to navigate everything. He needs to at least stop sleeping around until they figure it out then. It's not fair to potentially expose his wife to something. Condoms aren't 100%. I don't even know how someone can have sex with someone they don't love anymore. Casual encounters are different, that is just f<>king, but when it comes to long term relationships and kids are involved and then love is lost, and like you have pointed out if one of the partners is sleeping around, I shudder to think of the kind of sex it would be. If sex is there at all. At any rate, I shudder at the thought of any hetero sex..... Wouldn't the last sentence sound offensive to you if someone said almost the same thing and changed hetero to homo?
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Post by kls on Feb 20, 2021 1:01:13 GMT
Wouldn't the last sentence sound offensive to you if someone said almost the same thing and changed homo to hetero? Don't you mean changed hetero to homo? The dynamic is different k. Hets have perceived homosexuality as abnormal throughout history. If offense is your game, precious is your name. Right I mixed them up. I'll change the order.
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Post by lenlenlen1 on Feb 20, 2021 3:47:08 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” Just have your wife read this very post. It'll get real, real quick!
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Post by Marv on Feb 20, 2021 16:48:06 GMT
I don’t think I make a good partner. I enjoy my own time too much. People tend to get clingy.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2021 19:15:36 GMT
I don’t think I make a good partner. I enjoy my own time too much. People tend to get clingy. I was young, doing what I was “supposed” to do by society standards. I realize that now.
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Post by ant-mac on Feb 20, 2021 19:53:15 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” I've been single since 2002 - with just a bit of random "dating" - and I've lived alone since 2015... and it is bliss. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired and I don't have to discuss or negotiate with anyone about how I spend my time. My father died when I was 12 and I left home in my early 20s. I got into a "serious" relationship at 26 and became a parent at 27. The relationship ended after 7.5 years, at which point I had shared custody, followed by full custody. At 42, I returned home with my son to look after my aged and ill mother. She died when I was 44 and my son finished high school and after spending some time between his mother's house and my house, he finally left when I was 47. I have a brother and a sister, although I've never met either of them in person... and I don't think they've met each other either, although we're all aware of each other. They're both decades older than me. I keep in touch with a couple of family members and a friend via telephone on a semi-regular basis. I turned 53 on February 18. I never cheated on my partner while I was with her, but I didn't let the grass grow under my feet when it was over... an action for which I was criticized, but in the end, as it prevented us from getting back together, it worked out for the best.
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Post by amyghost on Feb 20, 2021 20:47:50 GMT
Monogamy assuredly isn't for everyone. Unfortunately, Americans in particular appear to have a lot invested in the notion that anything other than the 'married couple, mono relationship, 2.5 kids thing' is outright evil, un-natural, and a threat to the continued existence of Western civilization in general. Many, many people get sucked into this idea early on, don't question it, aren't really introduced to the tools to question it, and find out all too late that for lots of men and women it really isn't the best life option. You've made this discovery and it's probably for the best to act on it constructively before you do any more emotional damage to self, partner and kids. Human beings should have long since learned that a marital commitment is something that requires preparation and training long beforehand--much like parenthood--but they haven't for the most part, and tend to let emotion rule the roost to an often destructive degree. Maybe someday we'll learn better as a species, but for right now it looks pretty much as if many folks are going to continue making muddled messes of their own and others lives and the best thing to do is put a merciful end to the mess once one realizes what a mess it's become.
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