autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 20, 2021 21:09:55 GMT
I think quite often women are the ones preferring monogamous relationships and men are the ones who, given choice and opportunity, would rather never lock it down, and just sleep around all their days.
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Post by Nora on Feb 21, 2021 1:32:01 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” I've been single since 2002 - with just a bit of random "dating" - and I've lived alone since 2015... and it is bliss. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired and I don't have to discuss or negotiate with anyone about how I spend my time. My father died when I was 12 and I left home in my early 20s. I got into a "serious" relationship at 26 and became a parent at 27. The relationship ended after 7.5 years, at which point I had shared custody, followed by full custody. At 42, I returned home with my son to look after my aged and ill mother. She died when I was 44 and my son finished high school and after spending some time between his mother's house and my house, he finally left when I was 47. I have a brother and a sister, although I've never met either of them in person... and I don't think they've met each other either, although we're all aware of each other. They're both decades older than me. I keep in touch with a couple of family members and a friend via telephone on a semi-regular basis. I turned 53 on February 18. I never cheated on my partner while I was with her, but I didn't let the grass grow under my feet when it was over... an action for which I was criticized, but in the end, as it prevented us from getting back together, it worked out for the best. I can really relate to the enjoyment of freedom. but do you honestly not miss the physical aspects of a relationship, and I dont mean just sex but physical closeness/connection/touch? I think that would be the hard part for me if I were single for many years. I would miss hugs and stuff like that. I think.
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 21, 2021 1:43:41 GMT
I've been single since 2002 - with just a bit of random "dating" - and I've lived alone since 2015... and it is bliss. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired and I don't have to discuss or negotiate with anyone about how I spend my time. My father died when I was 12 and I left home in my early 20s. I got into a "serious" relationship at 26 and became a parent at 27. The relationship ended after 7.5 years, at which point I had shared custody, followed by full custody. At 42, I returned home with my son to look after my aged and ill mother. She died when I was 44 and my son finished high school and after spending some time between his mother's house and my house, he finally left when I was 47. I have a brother and a sister, although I've never met either of them in person... and I don't think they've met each other either, although we're all aware of each other. They're both decades older than me. I keep in touch with a couple of family members and a friend via telephone on a semi-regular basis. I turned 53 on February 18. I never cheated on my partner while I was with her, but I didn't let the grass grow under my feet when it was over... an action for which I was criticized, but in the end, as it prevented us from getting back together, it worked out for the best. I can really relate to the enjoyment of freedom. but do you honestly not miss the physical aspects of a relationship, and I dont mean just sex but physical closeness/connection/touch? I think that would be the hard part for me if I were single for mamy years. I would miss hugs and stuff like that. I think. That's the thing. I don't want to just "hook up" and "get off". I went through a period in my life where that was all I wanted, but after a while, no. It's the closeness and the little things. The things you'd think wouldn't matter. Hanging in pajamas and watching movies. Eating dinner together. Snuggling in bed. Going on vacations together and other shared experiences, shared memories and creating memories. Growing together as a couple. Doing things together, doing nothing together. Yes, even kissing and hugging and holding without the sex. There's so much more to relationships than "getting off". If that's all you want, get a prostitute so no one's heart gets hurt.
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Post by ant-mac on Feb 21, 2021 2:39:33 GMT
I've been single since 2002 - with just a bit of random "dating" - and I've lived alone since 2015... and it is bliss. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired and I don't have to discuss or negotiate with anyone about how I spend my time. My father died when I was 12 and I left home in my early 20s. I got into a "serious" relationship at 26 and became a parent at 27. The relationship ended after 7.5 years, at which point I had shared custody, followed by full custody. At 42, I returned home with my son to look after my aged and ill mother. She died when I was 44 and my son finished high school and after spending some time between his mother's house and my house, he finally left when I was 47. I have a brother and a sister, although I've never met either of them in person... and I don't think they've met each other either, although we're all aware of each other. They're both decades older than me. I keep in touch with a couple of family members and a friend via telephone on a semi-regular basis. I turned 53 on February 18. I never cheated on my partner while I was with her, but I didn't let the grass grow under my feet when it was over... an action for which I was criticized, but in the end, as it prevented us from getting back together, it worked out for the best. I can really relate to the enjoyment of freedom. but do you honestly not miss the physical aspects of a relationship, and I dont mean just sex but physical closeness/connection/touch? I think that would be the hard part for me if I were single for many years. I would miss hugs and stuff like that. I think. Very rarely. I've got too many things to keep me interested. I've got nothing against hugs and kisses, but I've never felt the need to be overly touchy-feely for my own benefit. I was raised an only child, which means I learned how to enjoy my own company and keep myself entertained from an early age. We moved around a lot in my early years, before my father died, so I was always the new kid in school. I've always been a bit of a loner and felt like an outsider... even at family gatherings.
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Harmless elf
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Post by Harmless elf on Feb 21, 2021 3:02:15 GMT
I think quite often women are the ones preferring monogamous relationships and men are the ones who, given choice and opportunity, would rather never lock it down, and just sleep around all their days. You've obviously never heard of simps. Simps marry the first girl that sleeps with them
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 21, 2021 4:37:28 GMT
I think quite often women are the ones preferring monogamous relationships and men are the ones who, given choice and opportunity, would rather never lock it down, and just sleep around all their days. You've obviously never heard of simps. Simps marry the first girl that sleeps with them Because they want to be married? And do they stay married, monogamous, and family-oriented?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2021 6:51:56 GMT
I hope your wife finds happiness. You sound like a pos though..
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Post by Nora on Feb 21, 2021 11:25:27 GMT
I can really relate to the enjoyment of freedom. but do you honestly not miss the physical aspects of a relationship, and I dont mean just sex but physical closeness/connection/touch? I think that would be the hard part for me if I were single for many years. I would miss hugs and stuff like that. I think.
One can grow out of that and I do see the desire for this as being born out of neediness and even immaturity. There is a time and place for hugs and not just to feel wanted or have some approval met. Besides Nora, hugging is gay...... so what is the “time and place” for hugs?
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Harmless elf
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Post by Harmless elf on Feb 21, 2021 13:09:41 GMT
I was young, doing what I was “supposed” to do by society standards. I realize that now. I have heard this more often than I would have liked to from plenty of males. This is something that I feel needs to change. It is also born out of a need to take care of and support a female and in this era of equality and self-empowerment, it is also condescending. Thing is, I don't get why so many straight males are such fickle chumps either when it comes to women. One is giving their own power away. People get married for tax purposes too.
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Harmless elf
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Post by Harmless elf on Feb 21, 2021 13:14:16 GMT
I hope your wife finds happiness. You sound like a pos though..Really! The op has openly expressed his feelings and there are also 2 sides to the story. You may not even want to be married to his wife if you knew her. To be fair he did say he had a few affairs. He could of just got a divorce right after that since he obviously doesn't love her or respect her that much. I don't think anything he said would have made him a POS but the affair thing yeah there's always no excuse for that, making excuses for an affair is what women do. "You're not showing me enough affection"
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2021 13:37:46 GMT
Really! The op has openly expressed his feelings and there are also 2 sides to the story. You may not even want to be married to his wife if you knew her. To be fair he did say he had a few affairs. He could of just got a divorce right after that since he obviously doesn't love her or respect her that much. I don't think anything he said would have made him a POS but the affair thing yeah there's always no excuse for that, making excuses for an affair is what women do. "You're not showing me enough affection" Yeah, I have no excuse. Women flirt, I turned some down. I tried a lot. But there are times when I have these deep connections and I am just human. That’s why I’m realizing I’m fighting against my own nature and that isn’t fair to her.
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Post by kls on Feb 21, 2021 13:39:53 GMT
Really! The op has openly expressed his feelings and there are also 2 sides to the story. You may not even want to be married to his wife if you knew her. To be fair he did say he had a few affairs. He could of just got a divorce right after that since he obviously doesn't love her or respect her that much. I don't think anything he said would have made him a POS but the affair thing yeah there's always no excuse for that, making excuses for an affair is what women do. "You're not showing me enough affection" I'd never have an affair. If I felt the need to get more affection I'd end something before looking for something else.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Feb 21, 2021 19:05:27 GMT
To be fair he did say he had a few affairs. He could of just got a divorce right after that since he obviously doesn't love her or respect her that much. I don't think anything he said would have made him a POS but the affair thing yeah there's always no excuse for that, making excuses for an affair is what women do. "You're not showing me enough affection" Yeah, I have no excuse. Women flirt, I turned some down. I tried a lot. But there are times when I have these deep connections and I am just human. That’s why I’m realizing I’m fighting against my own nature and that isn’t fair to her. It's good that you see yourself as clearly as you do, and it isn't fair to her if she wants a person that you aren't. I have been widowed for nearly 30 years, and I miss my husband still, very much. He wanted me to 'move on', find someone, get married, be happy, but I realized that I didn't want some 'okay' replacement, I wanted the original back, and that wasn't going to happen. What we had was unique. I very much miss the feeling of having a partner to lean on, someone to hug, that sense of being truly cared for, but since I never found anyone like that, I decided to just live with being a widow. My companion animals give me all the hugs I could possibly want, sometimes while I am trying to make dinner, lol, and they keep me amused and fairly contented. I know a young couple with three youngsters that have gotten through many twists of fate, that can look at each other and chuckle at the weird stuff that has happened to them, because they have each other. That is something I miss profoundly, but know I will never find it again. I'm glad I had it for a while. As one friend told me, he knew the loss hurt, but I should appreciate that I ever had that relationship to begin with. He had lived his whole life without ever having that kind of a relationship. Both my husband and I had troubled childhoods and bore psychological scars - I think we connected over that - and that was part of why it was so unique. Neither one of us was by any standard considered 'normal', and I don't think 'normal' is the ultimate goal of being. Do what is best for you and your family, I do think a 'guided' therapy situation would make the transition easiest for all, especially your son. I honestly wished my parents had divorced; them staying together was just bad for everyone involved. But your kid will be better off if things are dealt with in a compassionate way.
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 21, 2021 22:54:11 GMT
To be fair he did say he had a few affairs. He could of just got a divorce right after that since he obviously doesn't love her or respect her that much. I don't think anything he said would have made him a POS but the affair thing yeah there's always no excuse for that, making excuses for an affair is what women do. "You're not showing me enough affection" The wife could have been having them too for all we know. I am not that invested in the relationship dynamic of the op though, just the notion of what marriage is supposed to represent in society and how it has held so many in society in its deadlock grasp. So basically you're against monogamy and long-term committed relationships.
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 21, 2021 23:25:43 GMT
So basically you're against monogamy and long-term committed relationships. I’m not sure if we’re actually designed or supposed to be committed for a lifetime long term relationship. That is a construct only and for males it is something they probably feel more forced into. Women are the ones that appear to want the full commitment. Knowing men only want us for sex and that we have a shelf-life? And you guys wonder why many of us resort to being manipulative and use men while we can since you view us as disposable? Then you bitch about it later and wonder why.... Why? You made us this way for viewing us this way and deciding what our "worth" and "value" is: Our genitals, but only short-term. *smdh*
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Post by enigma72 on Feb 21, 2021 23:55:38 GMT
Honestly, I think I need to be single. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m 35 years old. I’ve had a few affairs. I can’t stop. I don’t want to hurt my wife, because she’s a good person. But I don’t like being tied down to one person. I also know if I marry anyone else, I’ll just cheat on them too. And that’s not fair. I think when my son turns 18, I’ll just get a divorce and be single. Then I can do whatever I want. Get another dog. I’m even at the point where I just don’t even want a roommate or anything. I just love my isolation. It’s bliss. I find ways to be alone as much as possible. I’m also horrible at being emotionally available. I’m always being accused of “why don’t you care?” Or “why don’t you defend me?” It’s like “dude. You’re wrong, flat out wrong and acting horrible to this other human being. Why would I defend you? Just because you’re my wife?” I haven't read this while thread. But Quit cheating! If you want out, get out. But it is not fair to your wife nor you. your actions are wrong. This is not the way to deal with how you feel.
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 22, 2021 0:00:04 GMT
Knowing men only want us for sex and that we have a shelf-life? And you guys wonder why many of us resort to being manipulative and use men while we can since you view us as disposable? Then you bitch about it later and wonder why.... Why? You made us this way for viewing us this way and deciding what our "worth" and "value" is: Our genitals, but only short-term. *smdh* It’s not my issue. I’m absolved! You wouldn’t get me anywhere near a vagina. I’m not the one using women for sex and to wipe my nose and steer me in the right direction. Or the way women may want to manipulate men because they want something they’ve got. You make it sound though that men owe you something. Your own sense of value and worth comes from within yourself. Men aren’t responsible for your own empowerment. Yet it appears that many women seem to need men to prop them up as they can’t do it on their own. And let’s be real about it, they can’t! I absolutely agree with you on ^this statement^ here. No one should rely on anyone else for their sense of worth or esteem. That has to come from within. You make valid points. My comments about women manipulating men? I'm not saying that I do it, I'm saying that there are women who *do* do it because of men who think like that and use us that way, treat us that way, and instill those reinforce those values in us. Over time? We learn and what results is the #MeToo movement until men learn that women will no longer tolerate objectification. Men only have themselves to blame for this. What I like about monogamous relationships is what's sometimes referred to as "interdependency". We bolster each other up, grow with each other, if one of us falls, the other doesn't bail because things suddenly gets tough or uncomfortable. We rely on each other and know we can depend on each other even through difficult times, and through the best of times. It benefits both parties. But that's when both people want more than just "getting off".
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Post by kls on Feb 22, 2021 0:12:08 GMT
Knowing men only want us for sex and that we have a shelf-life? And you guys wonder why many of us resort to being manipulative and use men while we can since you view us as disposable? Then you bitch about it later and wonder why.... Why? You made us this way for viewing us this way and deciding what our "worth" and "value" is: Our genitals, but only short-term. *smdh* It’s not my issue. I’m absolved! You wouldn’t get me anywhere near a vagina. I’m not the one using women for sex and to wipe my nose and steer me in the right direction. Or the way women may want to manipulate men because they want something they’ve got. You make it sound though that men owe you something. Your own sense of value and worth comes from within yourself. Men aren’t responsible for your own empowerment. Yet it appears that many women seem to need men to prop them up as they can’t do it on their own. And let’s be real about it, they can’t! I'd be interested in the companionship and love of a good man sure, but I have my own self worth. Nothing I would want from a potential partner in terms of empowerment and I'm not sure what he'd do to empower me or prop me up.
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Harmless elf
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Post by Harmless elf on Feb 22, 2021 0:45:36 GMT
I’m not sure if we’re actually designed or supposed to be committed for a lifetime long term relationship. That is a construct only and for males it is something they probably feel more forced into. Women are the ones that appear to want the full commitment. Knowing men only want us for sex and that we have a shelf-life? And you guys wonder why many of us resort to being manipulative and use men while we can since you view us as disposable? Then you bitch about it later and wonder why.... Why? You made us this way for viewing us this way and deciding what our "worth" and "value" is: Our genitals, but only short-term. *smdh* if someone falls in love with someone or gets together with them based on their looks alone, than yes this is true but if someone's with their best friend who they love to hang out with and stuff that's different.
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autumn
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Post by autumn on Feb 22, 2021 0:48:43 GMT
Knowing men only want us for sex and that we have a shelf-life? And you guys wonder why many of us resort to being manipulative and use men while we can since you view us as disposable? Then you bitch about it later and wonder why.... Why? You made us this way for viewing us this way and deciding what our "worth" and "value" is: Our genitals, but only short-term. *smdh* if someone falls in love with someone or gets together with them based on their looks alone, than yes this is true but if someone's with their best friend who they love to hang out with and stuff that's different.
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