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Post by CrepedCrusader on Feb 24, 2021 20:52:54 GMT
So much for 2021 being better than 2020.
This is how my year has been so far:
1) Dealing with my mom's heath problems (cancer being the biggest).
2) Dealing with Brother #1's mental health issues. Early in January, this resulted in an "episode" which led to him being picked up by the cops and taken for evaluation at a behavioral hospital. He was released after a couple of weeks, though he has other problems. He's facing a court date that could lead to jail time, he has no source of income at the moment, and he almost got evicted from his subsidized apartment due to breaking a no-smoking rule. He managed to talk his way out of the eviction...but continues smoking in his apartment.
3) Dealing with Brother #2's alcoholism, joblessness, requests for money for food, falling behind on rent, slipping on ice while inebriated and giving himself a concussion, etc. Been waiting two months for a bed to open up for him at a rehab that takes medicaid. Also, there was an emotional health issue with his daughter necessitating a stay at a hospital for a couple of weeks, and his ex-wife seems to be trying to pull some crap to alter his rights to see his kids.
4) Niece in rollover accident. Luckily she wasn't injured, but this is like her third bad accident and she's only been driving for about five years.
5) Just found out a relative's family all had Covid. They seem to have recovered.
6) It looks like my grandma (last living grandparent) is going to pass. In 2020, she got over non-Covid pneumonia, then got Covid and beat it. A couple days ago she was found unconscious. Taken to hospital, she regained consciousness, but is not speaking or responding to commands. (Something about her salt levels being off the charts high, leading family to suspect her nursing home wasn't properly monitoring her food and fluid intake. Also, it was discovered that she had pneumonia in one lung.) Family not allowed to see her because of Covid restrictions. Family decided to let her pass (no feeding tube). There's a question of where her funeral will be. She wanted to be buried in another state, but now some family want to bury her here. If she's buried here, it will be nearly impossible to talk my dad out of going to the funeral, which will cause a fight with my mom because she's scared he'll be exposed to Covid and bring it home to her, which due to her health would be a disaster.
The thing with my mom's cancer is the only thing that predates the new year, though we're still dealing with it. Brother #2's slip and fall/concussion happened New Year's Eve, and everything else came after. Not even two full months into the year.
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Post by ck100 on Feb 24, 2021 21:11:24 GMT
I'm sorry things haven't been well for you so far. I hope they can get better as time goes on. Best wishes to you.
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Feb 24, 2021 22:01:06 GMT
I'm sorry things haven't been well for you so far. I hope they can get better as time goes on. Best wishes to you. Thanks. Latest update on my grandma is that they're still hoping she might recover. I'm getting updates third- or fourth-hand from different people, so it's not easy to make sense of it.
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Post by TheOriginalPinky on Feb 24, 2021 22:38:13 GMT
Very sorry about your mother. As for your brothers, you can't pick your blood relatives. As cruel as it sounds, the best thing you can do is distance yourself from them. They sound like they create a lot of their own drama, and you don't need to be drawn into it.
As for your grandmother, this is the third time just today I've heard of an elderly person having recovered from COVID, but then have to be admitted to the hospital from something that MAY be unrelated; or maybe not. I do hope she recovers. It's touch when you have to rely on down-the-pike information.
On the brighter side of things, Spring will be here soon.
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Mar 9, 2021 3:24:49 GMT
Update
1) My grandma is basically expected to pass any day now. She hasn't had food or water for days, and is totally unresponsive.
2) Brother #2 is STILL waiting for a call from the rehab. Today, he has been having severe withdrawal symptoms.
3) My parents have resolved themselves to the fact that they got screwed out of their last stimulus checks (the $600 ones) that were never deposited, and are hoping that the next ones come without trouble.
4) Not to bury the lede, but due to a royal mix-up that I don't want to go into detail about, my parents (including my disabled, cancer-suffering mom who has serious mobility and health issues) might soon be homeless. Usually, I don't like to say much about my personal life, but I've already gone this far, so what the hell. I live with my parents because my mom needs constant help and care to get through the day. She needs help with everything, and I mean everything. Food, bathroom, getting in and out of bed, etc. My dad is too old and broken down to care for her, so it fell to me. Therefore, I will also be homeless if this thing doesn't work itself out somehow. We can't go with Brother #1 because he lives in a tiny apartment barely big enough for one person, and his future there is uncertain. We can't go with Brother #2 because he's months behind in rent and counting on the next stimulus check to help him get a small place after rehab.
We have no other nearby family. Mom can only travel by a bus run by a paratransit company. My parents have no savings. If we are evicted, we'll have to not only find a place to go with no money (unless these stimulus checks come quickly), but it will have to be a place where my mom can get to on the paratransit bus and which she'll be able to access in a chair. Also, her chair is motorized and needs to be charged to run, and she needs a CPAP machine so she doesn't die in her sleep. (Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?) She also has doctor's appointments coming up for her cancer, and eventually surgery. Oh, and all of this is going on around the anniversary of my sister's death.
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autumn
Junior Member
@autumn
Posts: 4,544
Likes: 3,635
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Post by autumn on Mar 9, 2021 3:41:53 GMT
Update 1) My grandma is basically expected to pass any day now. She hasn't had food or water for days, and is totally unresponsive. 2) Brother #2 is STILL waiting for a call from the rehab. Today, he has been having severe withdrawal symptoms. 3) My parents have resolved themselves to the fact that they got screwed out of their last stimulus checks (the $600 ones) that were never deposited, and are hoping that the next ones come without trouble. 4) Not to bury the lede, but due to a royal mix-up that I don't want to go into detail about, my parents (including my disabled, cancer-suffering mom who has serious mobility and health issues) might soon be homeless. Usually, I don't like to say much about my personal life, but I've already gone this far, so what the hell. I live with my parents because my mom needs constant help and care to get through the day. She needs help with everything, and I mean everything. Food, bathroom, getting in and out of bed, etc. My dad is too old and broken down to care for her, so it fell to me. Therefore, I will also be homeless if this thing doesn't work itself out somehow. We can't go with Brother #1 because he lives in a tiny apartment barely big enough for one person, and his future there is uncertain. We can't go with Brother #2 because he's months behind in rent and counting on the next stimulus check to help him get a small place after rehab. We have no other nearby family. Mom can only travel by a bus run by a paratransit company. My parents have no savings. If we are evicted, we'll have to not only find a place to go with no money (unless these stimulus checks come quickly), but it will have to be a place where my mom can get to on the paratransit bus and which she'll be able to access in a chair. Also, her chair is motorized and needs to be charged to run, and she needs a CPAP machine so she doesn't die in her sleep. (Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?) She also has doctor's appointments coming up for her cancer, and eventually surgery. Oh, and all of this is going on around the anniversary of my sister's death. I don't want to project onto you because I don't know your belief system, so without assigning anything specific, you truly are in my prayers. I've been in sort of similar circumstances (not as extreme, but I moved out of living with my partner to care for their mother who was wheelchair bound, as I couldn't handle how her children were emotionally and physically unavailable or unwilling to be there for her as she faced devastating health problems and could barely move. I also took care of her needs, including intimate needs and getting her into bed and cleaning up after her, and if I'm honest, I loved her so completely and with all of my heart, I have zero regrets and would do it all again in the flutter of a heartbeat as I loved her with every atom of my being. She has since passed, but I know I gave her all of my love and gave her something only I could). Point is, cherish what you can share with her, and know that many of us here can appreciate your sacrifice. I hope that things look up for you, I wish the very best for you. I echo Pinky's sentiments about pulling yourself away from the unhealthy family members who do nothing but weigh you down, and if it were me, I'd apply my attention and care where it would do the most good and where it shows.
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Mar 9, 2021 4:02:52 GMT
autumn Thanks. I was sort of blindsided by this latest development today. Just hoping something can be worked out. Sort of feels like being on death row and hoping for a pardon. The biggest concern if the housing issue doesn't work out is what we're supposed to do with my mom who literally needs help for everything. Literally so many times today I had a thought, "Maybe we could ask [blank] if she could stay there for a while", but it always came back to questions of how she would get there (the bus she takes only runs locally), and that she wouldn't be able to go along because those people wouldn't be able to care for her.
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Post by ellynmacg on Mar 9, 2021 4:17:11 GMT
CC, when you get a chance to check on it, I sent you a PM. In the meantime, big, BIG {{HUGS}}
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Mar 9, 2021 5:03:41 GMT
autumn Thanks. I was sort of blindsided by this latest development today. Just hoping something can be worked out. Sort of feels like being on death row and hoping for a pardon. The biggest concern if the housing issue doesn't work out is what we're supposed to do with my mom who literally needs help for everything. Literally so many times today I had a thought, "Maybe we could ask [blank] if she could stay there for a while", but it always came back to questions of how she would get there (the bus she takes only runs locally), and that she wouldn't be able to go along because those people wouldn't be able to care for her. My mother entered a full-care nursing facility at 96 because she could no longer live by herself without full-time care, as established by social services. I sold her house to pay for it, but when she eventually runs out of money, she will qualify for Medicaid, and the facility she is in accepts Medicaid. There has to be some government-run social safety net that could help you. I know how panicked you must feel; I was a basket case, trying to figure out what to do with little advice from anyone who had any expertise in this area. And the panic inhibits your ability to think of other options. I hope the housing issue gets resolved so you get some time to explore other options. Getting old and needing care is a major problem in this country, and the pandemic certainly didn't make anything easier. You have my heart-felt sympathy. Take care of yourself, too.
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Mar 9, 2021 5:41:58 GMT
My mother entered a full-care nursing facility at 96 because she could no longer live by herself without full-time care, as established by social services. I sold her house to pay for it, but when she eventually runs out of money, she will qualify for Medicaid, and the facility she is in accepts Medicaid. There has to be some government-run social safety net that could help you. I know how panicked you must feel; I was a basket case, trying to figure out what to do with little advice from anyone who had any expertise in this area. And the panic inhibits your ability to think of other options. I hope the housing issue gets resolved so you get some time to explore other options. Getting old and needing care is a major problem in this country, and the pandemic certainly didn't make anything easier. You have my heart-felt sympathy. Take care of yourself, too. For some reason, my mom was led to believe that she wouldn't qualify for social security and medicare, though as far as I know she was never outright denied. I should have kept on her to actually apply. Obviously, time is a huge issue. I'll have to suggest to her tomorrow to do that, though tomorrow is going to be a hectic day. For one thing, my mom has to go for her first Covid shot. With the insurance she has, it might be hard getting her in someplace, and even then it might be someplace that's not so great. A couple of times she's been sent to places when she had medical issues and needed to stay a few weeks someplace where she could be taken care of, and they were horrorshows. While she was there for short periods for medical issues, many people at these places were permanent elderly residents. One place she witnessed a nurse taking some people's medications to give to others who'd run out. The nurses yelled and swore at patients, and she lost a scary amount of weight in the week or two that she was there because the food was so disgusting it made her throw up every time she ate. At another place, the nurses were again cruel and verbally abusive. The place they had her at had old people and mental patients on the same floor, and the mental patients were free to walk into any room. As I mentioned, my mom has mobility issues, so she couldn't get out of bed. She begged with the nurses to give her a phone to call home and they laughed at her. Finally one male nurse who felt sorry for my mom let her use his cellphone. We managed to get her out the next day. My fear is that she'd have to settle for a place like that again. Right now, I'm hoping something can be worked out in the coming week or two. Though I'm not very optimistic, nothing is set in stone.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Mar 9, 2021 6:10:01 GMT
My mother entered a full-care nursing facility at 96 because she could no longer live by herself without full-time care, as established by social services. I sold her house to pay for it, but when she eventually runs out of money, she will qualify for Medicaid, and the facility she is in accepts Medicaid. There has to be some government-run social safety net that could help you. I know how panicked you must feel; I was a basket case, trying to figure out what to do with little advice from anyone who had any expertise in this area. And the panic inhibits your ability to think of other options. I hope the housing issue gets resolved so you get some time to explore other options. Getting old and needing care is a major problem in this country, and the pandemic certainly didn't make anything easier. You have my heart-felt sympathy. Take care of yourself, too. For some reason, my mom was led to believe that she wouldn't qualify for social security and medicare, though as far as I know she was never outright denied. I should have kept on her to actually apply. Obviously, time is a huge issue. I'll have to suggest to her tomorrow to do that, though tomorrow is going to be a hectic day. For one thing, my mom has to go for her first Covid shot. With the insurance she has, it might be hard getting her in someplace, and even then it might be someplace that's not so great. A couple of times she's been sent to places when she had medical issues and needed to stay a few weeks someplace where she could be taken care of, and they were horrorshows. While she was there for short periods for medical issues, many people at these places were permanent elderly residents. One place she witnessed a nurse taking some people's medications to give to others who'd run out. The nurses yelled and swore at patients, and she lost a scary amount of weight in the week or two that she was there because the food was so disgusting it made her throw up every time she ate. At another place, the nurses were again cruel and verbally abusive. The place they had her at had old people and mental patients on the same floor, and the mental patients were free to walk into any room. As I mentioned, my mom has mobility issues, so she couldn't get out of bed. She begged with the nurses to give her a phone to call home and they laughed at her. Finally one male nurse who felt sorry for my mom let her use his cellphone. We managed to get her out the next day. My fear is that she'd have to settle for a place like that again. Right now, I'm hoping something can be worked out in the coming week or two. Though I'm not very optimistic, nothing is set in stone. My mother has been very fortunate that the facility she is in has given her excellent care, and I know that is not the norm, sadly. There are some really bad care facilities out there. You might want to consult with your local social services department, or county health department. Good luck, and don't let your own needs be neglected. This is truly an overwhelming amount of negatives in a short period of time.
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Post by Spitfire926f on Mar 9, 2021 11:23:17 GMT
Update 1) My grandma is basically expected to pass any day now. She hasn't had food or water for days, and is totally unresponsive. 2) Brother #2 is STILL waiting for a call from the rehab. Today, he has been having severe withdrawal symptoms. 3) My parents have resolved themselves to the fact that they got screwed out of their last stimulus checks (the $600 ones) that were never deposited, and are hoping that the next ones come without trouble. 4) Not to bury the lede, but due to a royal mix-up that I don't want to go into detail about, my parents (including my disabled, cancer-suffering mom who has serious mobility and health issues) might soon be homeless. Usually, I don't like to say much about my personal life, but I've already gone this far, so what the hell. I live with my parents because my mom needs constant help and care to get through the day. She needs help with everything, and I mean everything. Food, bathroom, getting in and out of bed, etc. My dad is too old and broken down to care for her, so it fell to me. Therefore, I will also be homeless if this thing doesn't work itself out somehow. We can't go with Brother #1 because he lives in a tiny apartment barely big enough for one person, and his future there is uncertain. We can't go with Brother #2 because he's months behind in rent and counting on the next stimulus check to help him get a small place after rehab. We have no other nearby family. Mom can only travel by a bus run by a paratransit company. My parents have no savings. If we are evicted, we'll have to not only find a place to go with no money (unless these stimulus checks come quickly), but it will have to be a place where my mom can get to on the paratransit bus and which she'll be able to access in a chair. Also, her chair is motorized and needs to be charged to run, and she needs a CPAP machine so she doesn't die in her sleep. (Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?) She also has doctor's appointments coming up for her cancer, and eventually surgery. Oh, and all of this is going on around the anniversary of my sister's death. So sorry about your gram. I hope she passes peacefully. Regarding your parents, have you called your local area on aging and welfare office? They might have some emergency benefits they qualify for, and this is why we have those safety nets. My mom has cancer and I'm helping her, so I'm right there with you. She's okay right now physically, and every good PET scan I give a prayer of gratitude. It's amazing how perspective on the definition of a "win" changes with circumstances. Keep us posted ❤
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Mar 9, 2021 18:55:50 GMT
Got word about twenty minutes ago that my grandma finally passed. My dad got the call when he was helping my mom get on the bus to go get her first Covid shot.
As for me, I've had insomnia for years, and stress always triggers problems. Last night I got zero sleep, and the night before I got about three hours.
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autumn
Junior Member
@autumn
Posts: 4,544
Likes: 3,635
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Post by autumn on Mar 9, 2021 20:45:47 GMT
Got word about twenty minutes ago that my grandma finally passed. My dad got the call when he was helping my mom get on the bus to go get her first Covid shot. As for me, I've had insomnia for years, and stress always triggers problems. Last night I got zero sleep, and the night before I got about three hours. I hope that your grandmother passed peacefully and without difficulty. How are you feeling now, with all of this going on? Maybe your gram's peace will translate into some sleep for you tonight as well while the heavens are working everything out. Take care of yourself and your own needs as well throughout all of this. ((hugs))
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Post by Prime etc. on Mar 9, 2021 20:59:34 GMT
I get tears as I read what you wrote because I was looking after my mother until late last year and similar things were going on (I was the one who ended up taken by police to the hospital due to a mental health crisis). I hope you can find some rest and comfort. I know someone in Brazil and he has insomnia and was looking after his mother--she passed unexpectedly a few weeks ago when he was hoping he could have a closer relationship with her than he had had. Hopefully the experience of helping her will carry over and stay with you as a positive. That's how I am looking at things, especially when I feel down.
I am sorry and wish you well.
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Post by Spitfire926f on Mar 9, 2021 22:01:03 GMT
Got word about twenty minutes ago that my grandma finally passed. My dad got the call when he was helping my mom get on the bus to go get her first Covid shot. As for me, I've had insomnia for years, and stress always triggers problems. Last night I got zero sleep, and the night before I got about three hours. I'm sorry. What a difficult time. My condolences to you and your parents.
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Post by Spitfire926f on Mar 9, 2021 22:06:56 GMT
My mother entered a full-care nursing facility at 96 because she could no longer live by herself without full-time care, as established by social services. I sold her house to pay for it, but when she eventually runs out of money, she will qualify for Medicaid, and the facility she is in accepts Medicaid. There has to be some government-run social safety net that could help you. I know how panicked you must feel; I was a basket case, trying to figure out what to do with little advice from anyone who had any expertise in this area. And the panic inhibits your ability to think of other options. I hope the housing issue gets resolved so you get some time to explore other options. Getting old and needing care is a major problem in this country, and the pandemic certainly didn't make anything easier. You have my heart-felt sympathy. Take care of yourself, too. For some reason, my mom was led to believe that she wouldn't qualify for social security and medicare, though as far as I know she was never outright denied. I should have kept on her to actually apply. Obviously, time is a huge issue. I'll have to suggest to her tomorrow to do that, though tomorrow is going to be a hectic day. For one thing, my mom has to go for her first Covid shot. With the insurance she has, it might be hard getting her in someplace, and even then it might be someplace that's not so great. A couple of times she's been sent to places when she had medical issues and needed to stay a few weeks someplace where she could be taken care of, and they were horrorshows. While she was there for short periods for medical issues, many people at these places were permanent elderly residents. One place she witnessed a nurse taking some people's medications to give to others who'd run out. The nurses yelled and swore at patients, and she lost a scary amount of weight in the week or two that she was there because the food was so disgusting it made her throw up every time she ate. At another place, the nurses were again cruel and verbally abusive. The place they had her at had old people and mental patients on the same floor, and the mental patients were free to walk into any room. As I mentioned, my mom has mobility issues, so she couldn't get out of bed. She begged with the nurses to give her a phone to call home and they laughed at her. Finally one male nurse who felt sorry for my mom let her use his cellphone. We managed to get her out the next day. My fear is that she'd have to settle for a place like that again. Right now, I'm hoping something can be worked out in the coming week or two. Though I'm not very optimistic, nothing is set in stone. You're should qualify for Medicare/Medicaid based on what you've posted. I used to be a Medicare wellness nurse and I had to find resources for people. Things vary state to state, but definitely look into it!
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Post by CrepedCrusader on Mar 10, 2021 2:25:11 GMT
You're should qualify for Medicare/Medicaid based on what you've posted. I used to be a Medicare wellness nurse and I had to find resources for people. Things vary state to state, but definitely look into it! Today has been hectic, but tomorrow she'll need to look into medicare.
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Post by Spitfire926f on Mar 10, 2021 12:04:37 GMT
You're should qualify for Medicare/Medicaid based on what you've posted. I used to be a Medicare wellness nurse and I had to find resources for people. Things vary state to state, but definitely look into it! Today has been hectic, but tomorrow she'll need to look into medicare. That could be a game changer! Also look into the area office on aging for emergency rent/mortgage help.
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