Post by drystyx on Oct 20, 2021 1:24:59 GMT
I always wanted to be ship wrecked on an island with Dawn Wells. Well, thought I had my chance.
I was shipwrecked, the sole survivor of a one man boat, and stranded on a desert island. In the distant, I saw another desert island, but it kind of glowed, and so I didn't swim over there. Plus, I'm scared of sharktopus and dinocroc and all kinds of things.
I don't mind dying. I just don't want people laughing at me and saying "Dumbass swam around where there was a dinocroc, stupid ass deserved what he got!"
So, I thought I'd see if there were people on the island. Somehow, I thought there might be. I saw an asshole and some soldiers looking at me through some palm trees.
I hoped to see Mary Ann, but instead I saw a couple by a grave. They said they were "land lubbers". I think that meant they didn't go to sea much.
Well, she didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat him up and take her away from him.
So instead, I spoke with them. They said they put a flower on the grave of the "admiral" every day. They asked if the flower was still there.
I said it was. I wondered about why they asked, and I noticed they didn't blink. They said they were both blind. And sometimes the asshole would come with his soldiers and take away the flower.
Well, the asshole came by with his soldiers. Two men and two women. The women didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat the soldiers up and take the women away from them.
The asshole said "My name's Asshole, but some people call me Dracula".
I said that the names were interchangeable.
Asshole said we should worship the admiral. the admiral was good and kind, and he loved everyone and was perfect.
Asshole said he would tell me about the admiral, but all he did was speak on how perfect the admiral was. Asshole called for his wife to bring us a drink, and she did, but she didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat up the asshole and take her away from him.
Asshole began writing in his book while we got drinks. The land lubbers asked if he was writing, and he said he was. They asked if they could write, or at least dictate what to write, and he told them they weren't worthy of writing. Only he could write.
The land lubbers sensed I was about to b..slap the asshole, so they begged me not to do that. To be merciful. Since his wife didn't look like Dawn Wells, I let him slide.
The drink was a pina colada. It was pretty good. We sipped pina coladas, and the asshole lamented the passing away of the admiral. He cried and left, followed by his wife and soldiers.
I stayed with the blind couple. I didn't want to leave them alone with a sharktopus or a dinocroc running loose.
Any way, they sobbed. The male landlubber said he was at fault for the admiral dying, and for them all being stranded.
He pointed off in the distance and asked if he was pointing to the shiny island, and I said he was.
"That's where it started", he said. "I was there by myself. I could see then. I don't know how I got there, but I was a land lubber. And the island was just another island. It didn't shine like it does now"
He said he was all alone, but the admiral came by one day. He let his crew have shore leave there, and he picked up the land lubber and put him on his nuclear submarine.
The admiral saw the land lubber was alone, so the admiral made a mate for the land lubber, and it was good.
I don't know how he made a mate for the land lubber. Don't ask me stupid questions.
Any way, the admiral took them out to sea, leaving the crew stranded on the island. Oh, the crew screamed to get back aboard, cause they liked being aboard a nuclear submarine, and they liked all the other seamen that abounded on the submarine.
But the admiral left them there. He told the land lubbers that now they were the crew of the sub. He showed them the control panel, but didn't explain the controls, and the land lubbers didn't know what the controls did.
The admiral told them they could play with anything on the control panel, except the one that said "Fruity Pebbles" on it. They could play with the one marked "Cheerios", the one marked "Rice Krispies", the one marked "Raisin Bran", the one marked "Fruit Loops", all of them except the one marked Fruity Pebbles.
The land lubber said he couldn't remember why that was. He told me he would explain why he couldn't remember, though. But he remembered this much.
Any way, it turns out that the admiral went to his quarters and went to sleep. That was better than going to his pennies and falling asleep, cause every chick named Penny is smoking hot.
So, while the admiral slept, the land lubbers looked at the control panel, staring at the one marked "Fruity Pebbles".
Then, a horrible giant squid entered the control room. The giant squid told them they were dumb land lubbers, or else they would know that the Fruity Pebbles was a delicious control panel, and the admiral didn't want them to play with it for fear they would eat it.
So, the land lubbers believed the squid and ate the Fruity Pebbles, which meant touching it and jerking it off the panel.
Well, soon as it jerked off the panel, a flashing light filled the room, and the last thing the land lubbers saw with their eyes was the old island becoming a mushroom cloud of bright light.
The land lubbers were blind. The squid said he was really an octopus, and it was their fault for not knowing the difference, and he left.
The land lubbers became confused, disoriented. They knew there was more that the admiral told them, but they couldn't remember what it was. In fact, they couldn't even remember if there was someone else pretending to be the admiral. In fact, they couldn't remember if it was really the admiral who took them to the submarine. Something was twisted in their knowledge of the past, and it happened the moment they were blinded.
The land lubbers groped around till they heard a voice.
"I'm your admiral, and now your assholes for touching my Fruity Pebbles, and you will forever be led by assholes. You are unworthy! See that light? Well, you don't see it now, cause it blinded you, but you just evaporated my entire crew on the island. You kilt them. You annihilated them. You dissed them. F.. you! Now, you will be banished forever! You will listen to assholes now! Assholes will lead you!"
And so they were deposited on the new island. Asshole met them and told them that it was indeed the admiral who spoke to them, but the admiral would later die for them, cause they were worthless piles of crap. But the admiral was good.
So I asked if hey knew for sure that it was the admiral who came out to them and accused them of being unworthy. After all, they couldn't see him, cause they were blind. They said they weren't sure, but Asshole told them it was the real admiral.
Any way, that's why the island glows now.
So, I left the island when I found Dawn Wells wasn't there. I beat up the asshole and soldiers any way, just to let them know I could take away their women if I wanted to, and to make them build me a boat. I don't think they meant for the boat to work, cause the bottom fell out, and I had to hold it in place the entire trip back to the United States of America, where I hoped to find Dawn Wells before she passed away. I never did find her.
I was shipwrecked, the sole survivor of a one man boat, and stranded on a desert island. In the distant, I saw another desert island, but it kind of glowed, and so I didn't swim over there. Plus, I'm scared of sharktopus and dinocroc and all kinds of things.
I don't mind dying. I just don't want people laughing at me and saying "Dumbass swam around where there was a dinocroc, stupid ass deserved what he got!"
So, I thought I'd see if there were people on the island. Somehow, I thought there might be. I saw an asshole and some soldiers looking at me through some palm trees.
I hoped to see Mary Ann, but instead I saw a couple by a grave. They said they were "land lubbers". I think that meant they didn't go to sea much.
Well, she didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat him up and take her away from him.
So instead, I spoke with them. They said they put a flower on the grave of the "admiral" every day. They asked if the flower was still there.
I said it was. I wondered about why they asked, and I noticed they didn't blink. They said they were both blind. And sometimes the asshole would come with his soldiers and take away the flower.
Well, the asshole came by with his soldiers. Two men and two women. The women didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat the soldiers up and take the women away from them.
The asshole said "My name's Asshole, but some people call me Dracula".
I said that the names were interchangeable.
Asshole said we should worship the admiral. the admiral was good and kind, and he loved everyone and was perfect.
Asshole said he would tell me about the admiral, but all he did was speak on how perfect the admiral was. Asshole called for his wife to bring us a drink, and she did, but she didn't look like Dawn Wells, so I didn't beat up the asshole and take her away from him.
Asshole began writing in his book while we got drinks. The land lubbers asked if he was writing, and he said he was. They asked if they could write, or at least dictate what to write, and he told them they weren't worthy of writing. Only he could write.
The land lubbers sensed I was about to b..slap the asshole, so they begged me not to do that. To be merciful. Since his wife didn't look like Dawn Wells, I let him slide.
The drink was a pina colada. It was pretty good. We sipped pina coladas, and the asshole lamented the passing away of the admiral. He cried and left, followed by his wife and soldiers.
I stayed with the blind couple. I didn't want to leave them alone with a sharktopus or a dinocroc running loose.
Any way, they sobbed. The male landlubber said he was at fault for the admiral dying, and for them all being stranded.
He pointed off in the distance and asked if he was pointing to the shiny island, and I said he was.
"That's where it started", he said. "I was there by myself. I could see then. I don't know how I got there, but I was a land lubber. And the island was just another island. It didn't shine like it does now"
He said he was all alone, but the admiral came by one day. He let his crew have shore leave there, and he picked up the land lubber and put him on his nuclear submarine.
The admiral saw the land lubber was alone, so the admiral made a mate for the land lubber, and it was good.
I don't know how he made a mate for the land lubber. Don't ask me stupid questions.
Any way, the admiral took them out to sea, leaving the crew stranded on the island. Oh, the crew screamed to get back aboard, cause they liked being aboard a nuclear submarine, and they liked all the other seamen that abounded on the submarine.
But the admiral left them there. He told the land lubbers that now they were the crew of the sub. He showed them the control panel, but didn't explain the controls, and the land lubbers didn't know what the controls did.
The admiral told them they could play with anything on the control panel, except the one that said "Fruity Pebbles" on it. They could play with the one marked "Cheerios", the one marked "Rice Krispies", the one marked "Raisin Bran", the one marked "Fruit Loops", all of them except the one marked Fruity Pebbles.
The land lubber said he couldn't remember why that was. He told me he would explain why he couldn't remember, though. But he remembered this much.
Any way, it turns out that the admiral went to his quarters and went to sleep. That was better than going to his pennies and falling asleep, cause every chick named Penny is smoking hot.
So, while the admiral slept, the land lubbers looked at the control panel, staring at the one marked "Fruity Pebbles".
Then, a horrible giant squid entered the control room. The giant squid told them they were dumb land lubbers, or else they would know that the Fruity Pebbles was a delicious control panel, and the admiral didn't want them to play with it for fear they would eat it.
So, the land lubbers believed the squid and ate the Fruity Pebbles, which meant touching it and jerking it off the panel.
Well, soon as it jerked off the panel, a flashing light filled the room, and the last thing the land lubbers saw with their eyes was the old island becoming a mushroom cloud of bright light.
The land lubbers were blind. The squid said he was really an octopus, and it was their fault for not knowing the difference, and he left.
The land lubbers became confused, disoriented. They knew there was more that the admiral told them, but they couldn't remember what it was. In fact, they couldn't even remember if there was someone else pretending to be the admiral. In fact, they couldn't remember if it was really the admiral who took them to the submarine. Something was twisted in their knowledge of the past, and it happened the moment they were blinded.
The land lubbers groped around till they heard a voice.
"I'm your admiral, and now your assholes for touching my Fruity Pebbles, and you will forever be led by assholes. You are unworthy! See that light? Well, you don't see it now, cause it blinded you, but you just evaporated my entire crew on the island. You kilt them. You annihilated them. You dissed them. F.. you! Now, you will be banished forever! You will listen to assholes now! Assholes will lead you!"
And so they were deposited on the new island. Asshole met them and told them that it was indeed the admiral who spoke to them, but the admiral would later die for them, cause they were worthless piles of crap. But the admiral was good.
So I asked if hey knew for sure that it was the admiral who came out to them and accused them of being unworthy. After all, they couldn't see him, cause they were blind. They said they weren't sure, but Asshole told them it was the real admiral.
Any way, that's why the island glows now.
So, I left the island when I found Dawn Wells wasn't there. I beat up the asshole and soldiers any way, just to let them know I could take away their women if I wanted to, and to make them build me a boat. I don't think they meant for the boat to work, cause the bottom fell out, and I had to hold it in place the entire trip back to the United States of America, where I hoped to find Dawn Wells before she passed away. I never did find her.
