Baker's Dozen: Movie Quotes

13 Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

13 Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

13 Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

09. ZOOLANDER
'What is this? A center for ants? ...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
... I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!'

10. THE GRADUATE
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

13 Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

09. ZOOLANDER
'What is this? A center for ants? ...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
... I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!'

10. THE GRADUATE
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

11. CEMETERY MAN
I'd give my life to be dead.

12. TOOTSIE
Jeff: [Michael's half dressed as Dorothy, getting ready for a dinner with Julie] What do you mean you don't have anything to wear?
Michael Dorsey: She has seen me in all of these!
Jeff: She hasn't seen you in that white dress.
Michael Dorsey: What, this?
[holds up a formal white dress]
Jeff: Yeah.
Michael Dorsey: You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy.
Jeff: Can't you wear pants?
Michael Dorsey: Pants?
[pats the fake butt he's wearing then wags his finger No]
Jeff: What about this thing?
[holds up a striped dress]
Michael Dorsey: No. I don't have the right shoes for it, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust.
Jeff: [slight pause] I think we're getting into a weird area here.

13 MORE Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

09. ZOOLANDER
'What is this? A center for ants? ...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
... I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!'

10. THE GRADUATE
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

11. CEMETERY MAN
I'd give my life to be dead.

12. TOOTSIE
Jeff: [Michael's half dressed as Dorothy, getting ready for a dinner with Julie] What do you mean you don't have anything to wear?
Michael Dorsey: She has seen me in all of these!
Jeff: She hasn't seen you in that white dress.
Michael Dorsey: What, this?
[holds up a formal white dress]
Jeff: Yeah.
Michael Dorsey: You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy.
Jeff: Can't you wear pants?
Michael Dorsey: Pants?
[pats the fake butt he's wearing then wags his finger No]
Jeff: What about this thing?
[holds up a striped dress]
Michael Dorsey: No. I don't have the right shoes for it, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust.
Jeff: [slight pause] I think we're getting into a weird area here.

13. OFFICE SPACE
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

13 MORE --

14. ME, MYSELF & IRENE.
Hank Evans: "Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough. "

13 MORE Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

09. ZOOLANDER
'What is this? A center for ants? ...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
... I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!'

10. THE GRADUATE
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

11. CEMETERY MAN
I'd give my life to be dead.

12. TOOTSIE
Jeff: [Michael's half dressed as Dorothy, getting ready for a dinner with Julie] What do you mean you don't have anything to wear?
Michael Dorsey: She has seen me in all of these!
Jeff: She hasn't seen you in that white dress.
Michael Dorsey: What, this?
[holds up a formal white dress]
Jeff: Yeah.
Michael Dorsey: You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy.
Jeff: Can't you wear pants?
Michael Dorsey: Pants?
[pats the fake butt he's wearing then wags his finger No]
Jeff: What about this thing?
[holds up a striped dress]
Michael Dorsey: No. I don't have the right shoes for it, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust.
Jeff: [slight pause] I think we're getting into a weird area here.

13. OFFICE SPACE
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

13 MORE Comedy Film quotes that you find funny...

01. ME, MYSELF & IRENE.
Hank Evans: "Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough. "

02. RAIN MAN
Susanna: You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody.
Charlie: Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago!

03. THE WIZARD OF OZ (After the flying Monkeys tear the stuffing out of Scarecrow)
SCARECROW: Help! Help!
TIN MAN : What Happened to you?
SCARECROW: They Tore my Legs off and they threw them over there, then, they tore my chest out threw it over there.
TIN MAN: Well, Thats YOU all over!

13 MORE Comedy Film quotes that you find funny

01. ARTHUR
Susan: Arthur, Will you take my hand?
Arthur: That will leave you with one.

02. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
There are those who call me... Tim.

03. HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Tom Brookman: Do you believe that money, automatically, brings happiness?
Schatze Page: No. But, it doesn't automatically depress me, either.

04. KISS KISS BANG BANG
Perry: Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

05. AIRPLANE!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

06. ONE TWO THREE
'Put your pants on, Spartacus!'

07. THE BIRDCAGE
How about those Dolphins!

08. ROAD TO UTOPIA
'I'll have a Lemonade -- IN A DIRTY GLASS!'

09. ZOOLANDER
'What is this? A center for ants? ...How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
... I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!'

10. THE GRADUATE
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

11. CEMETERY MAN
I'd give my life to be dead.

12. TOOTSIE
Jeff: [Michael's half dressed as Dorothy, getting ready for a dinner with Julie] What do you mean you don't have anything to wear?
Michael Dorsey: She has seen me in all of these!
Jeff: She hasn't seen you in that white dress.
Michael Dorsey: What, this?
[holds up a formal white dress]
Jeff: Yeah.
Michael Dorsey: You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy.
Jeff: Can't you wear pants?
Michael Dorsey: Pants?
[pats the fake butt he's wearing then wags his finger No]
Jeff: What about this thing?
[holds up a striped dress]
Michael Dorsey: No. I don't have the right shoes for it, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust.
Jeff: [slight pause] I think we're getting into a weird area here.

13. OFFICE SPACE
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

13 MORE Comedy Film quotes that you find funny...

01. ME, MYSELF & IRENE.
Hank Evans: "Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough. "

02. RAIN MAN
Susanna: You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody.
Charlie: Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago!

03. THE WIZARD OF OZ (After the flying Monkeys tear the stuffing out of Scarecrow)
SCARECROW: Help! Help!
TIN MAN : What Happened to you?
SCARECROW: They Tore my Legs off and they threw them over there, then, they tore my chest out threw it over there.
TIN MAN: Well, Thats YOU all over!

04. STAURT LITTLE 2 (Stuart the mouse and Snowbell the cat are looking for a bird friend who they believe to have been kidnapped by a falcon. Stuart's car has broken down, and he's getting his supplies from the trunk, so that he can walk the rest of the way)
SNOWBELL: Oh boy. This is a sign, Stuart. Like the Burning Bush. Except it's a carburetor, and I'm not Moses. But it's telling us something; Let your people go!
STUART: We're NOT giving up!
SNOWBELL: Oh, why not? Giving up is fun. And look at all the time you save. I'm telling you, Stuart. If more people gave up, there'd be fewer wars.
(Cut to an alley, where Stuart and Snowbell are walking.)
SNOWBELL: Oh, Stuart! We've been walking for hours. I can't take another step! You know me. I hate to be negative, but when I walk this much I chafe. Also, I hate to break this up, but I need to go tinky!
STUART: How 'bout the alley?
SNOWBELL: I'm a HOUSE CAT. We're festidious creatures. We don't just yell "BOMBS AWAY," and go wherever we are! Oh, look, let's face it. We're never gonna find her!
STUART: If only we knew someone who really knew the city.
SNOWBELL: Yeah. Someone who knows the city's disgusting underbelly. Who do I know that's disgusting?
(Cut to the back door of a Chinese restaurant. The door opens, and the workers throw Monty the cat, a friend of Snowbell, out through it.)
CHINESE WORKER: (in Chinese) If you ever come in here again, I'll run you through the Visa machine!
(The workers go back into the building)
MONTY: Don't you threaten me! What I could tell the health inspector would close you down in a New York minute!
(Snowbell and Stuart walk up.)
SNOWBELL: Hey, Monty!
MONTY: Snowbell! Hey! Hey! Snowbell! What are YOU doing here!
SNOWBELL: We've been looking all over for you!
STUART: We need your help,
MONTY: Hey Snow, buddy. Are you two still friends, or can I eat him?
SNOWBELL: No, Monty. You can't eat him.
MONTY: Please?
SNOWBELL: No! Now pay attention! What do you know about a bird called "Falcon?"
MONTY: Falcon? Oh, that's a bad guy! You don't want to fool with him!
STUART: You know where we can find him?
MONTY: You don't want to find him! You don't want anything to do with him! Trust me! He'd eat you so fast you'd be a pile of falcon poop before you could yell for help!
(A beat)
MONTY: Falcons are vicious! They grab you by the back of the neck and carry you so high you can't even see the ground, and then they drop you, and by the time oh hit the pavement they just drink what's left through a straw!
(A beat)
STAURT: Snowbell? Are you all right?
SNOWBELL: Oh yeah! In fact, good news; I no longer need a litter box!
MONTY: (laughing hysterically) Mop-up on aisle three!

05. SOME LIKE IT HOT
'Daphne' -- "And that phoney accent! (Imitating Cary Grant) No-body-talks-like-that!"

3 days without a post. Time for a new topic.


13 famous demands.

01. Moses (Charlton Heston): Let my people go! - THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

02. Addie(Tatum O'Neal): I want My 200 Dollars!
Moze (Ryan O'Neal): I don't have your 200 Dollars and you know it!
Addie: Then..GIT...IT! - PAPER MOON

13 famous demands.

01. Moses (Charlton Heston): Let my people go! - THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

02. Addie(Tatum O'Neal): I want My 200 Dollars!
Moze (Ryan O'Neal): I don't have your 200 Dollars and you know it!
Addie: Then..GIT...IT! - PAPER MOON

03. Loki (Tom Hiddleston): Kneel before me. I said, KNEEL! - THE AVENGERS (2012)

04. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I want the truth! - A FEW GOOD MEN