GIVE THANOS THE COPTER!!!!!!5!!!!5!!!!6!!

…

[We are now reaching the end of our story. TONY, THOR, BRUCE, STEVE, NATASHA, STEPHEN, RHODEY, PETER, T’CHALLA, VISION, WANDA, SAM, BUCKY, LOKI, SCOTT, CAROL, and EVERYONE from Guardians of the Galaxy are now dead. The only one left to stand up against the Mad Titan, THANOS, is HAWKEYE.]

HAWKEYE: Thanos, you fiend, you’ve killed the entire human race except me! I thought you were going to be satisfied with only killing half of all the life in the universe!

THANOS [sadly]: I was, little archer-man, but I got terribly bored of Earthlings. You talk about politics constantly and wish death on other people because they like different superhero movies than you do. There’s no logical reason why Earthlings should stick around.

HAWKEYE: Well, OK, then, but why me?

THANOS: Very simple. I’m glad you asked. [THANOS uses the Infinity Gauntlet to zap a helmet into existence.] Before you die, you just have to wear THE HELMET! I mean, it was in the comic book, and you’re such a pointless hero anyway, but the helmet would make it worthwhile. I’m sorry, I can’t kill you unless you wear the helmet. I just–I just can’t.

[HAWKEYE scratches his head. He picks up the helmet and puts it on, seemingly resigned to his fate, especially being that all his friends and family are now gone. THANOS raises the Infinity Gauntlet to zap him out of existence… Suddenly, HAWKEYE morphs into JOHN MCCLANE (Bruce Willis)!]

HAWKEYE MCCLANE: Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*****!

[In one motion, HAWKEYE sends an arrow right into THANOS’s eye (momentarily blinding the Titan), leaps onto him, and goes to rip the Gauntlet from his hand. Just before he does so, THANOS zaps a Thanoscopter into existence! HAWKEYE grabs the Gauntlet and restores the human race–but only up to the events of The Avengers (2012)! THANOS shakes his fist and flies off in the Thanoscopter!]

THANOS: Curses! I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling Hawkeye McClane and your mangy helmet too!

[FADE TO BLACK]