Post by progressiveelement on May 26, 2019 14:35:44 GMT
Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn
-What the f.... It was like a weird mix of Mad Max, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and an acid trip. And the bad guy got away at the end, I'm guessing they were hoping to make a sequel. At least - I think he got away at the end. The hero and him did battle on flying...bike things, and the bad guy opened up a portal into some crazy Pop Art dimension, then he vanished....I have no idea what the hell was going on. It had something to do with a crystal that collects people's souls, a psychic bad guy with a cyborg(?) son, there's a race of one-eyed folk lead by Richard Moll who wind up helping the good guys at the end, the hero gets some help from the hero's dad from Iron Eagle, and there's John Travolta's future wife Kelly Preston whose presence with the hero apparently gives him strength against psychic attacks....Why? I don't know. Nothing was ever explained. It just jumped from one thing to the next, and I'm like - beer time, lets get through this. Worth a watch if you're in the mood for stupid 80s scifi cheese.
Space Rage
-All it is, is a tale about bad cons breaking out of prison, causing some deaths along the way, and a veteran lawman taking up arms to bring them down. All this in futuristic trappings - and we're talking bare minimum use of the sci-fi backdrop. The saddest thing is seeing veterans stuntman Richard Farnsworth in this shit. Michael Pare is pretty good as the bad guy though, normally he's the handsome bland hero in cheap fodder like this, but he seems scarily convincing as the sociopath villain.
Suicide Cult, aka The Astrologer
-An incredibly boring talkfest. Some nonsense about a psychic Indian fellow and the Second Coming, the hero's girl might be chosen for a Virgin Birth, which is pretty damn funny when you find out the actress was a Playboy Playmate. This was pulled from shelves in the UK during the video nasty panic, but aside from brief glimpses of mutilated corpses, nothing nastier than a character forced to stab herself by the bad guy using his powers on her ever occurs.
Warriors of the Apocalypse
-I don't know why I seek out bad movies, and so many exist in the post-apocalyptic subgenre. This one seems just a string of bad action scenes until we get to the second half, where it turns into a rip-off of H Rider Haggard's She, with a bit of Heavy Metal thrown in (there are similarities to the Dar episode, particularly with the hot sexy sorceress).
Neon Maniacs
-A group of monstrous whatever they are (demons? mutants?) come out every night from their hideaway in San Francisco bay to kill! One girl survives an attack and no-one believes her story, until her future love interest, and a younger girl obsessed with monsters get involved, frequently finding themselves on the run, or going face to face. It starts off OK, the monsters are cool, but it feels like they had no idea what to do with the premise, and the ending sucks, giving no sense of closure, just leaving things open for a sequel I guess.
Lily C.A.T.
-Its anime time! It isn't too bad, but it's so blatant a rip-off of Alien, with a side-order of The Thing just in case there wasn't enough material to steal from. Some of the imagery is clearly inspired by corridors of the Nostromo, even the computer room, hell the computer is called Mother. There's a twist involving the robotic nature of one character with a secret agenda, in cahoots with the company. The beastie has Thing-like abilities to infect and absorb its victims, growing larger as it does so - at one point burrowing through a floor much like The Thing did at the climax. It even steals from Aliens, with the revelation that some characters have used hypersleep for such long periods they are now of ages such as 280, 151, one character informing others the sad consequences of such lengthy space travel, outliving younger relatives, and becoming a virtual stranger in their own home towns.
