Post by ShadowSouL: Padawan of Yoda on Sept 6, 2020 6:30:41 GMT
This just in --
Mortified that he could be considered disparaging of America's military men and women, President Trump clarified that although he said "suckers" and "losers," he actually meant to say that soldiers would have "sutures" due to "looser" limbs because of the ravages of war.
"I said 'sutures' and 'looser,' but it came out as 'suckers' and 'losers' due to my slurred speech as a result of my several mini-strokes and heart attacks," said the commander in chief, whose primary diet consists of Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonald's, with occasional excursions to Burger King and White Castle.
Trump chided the "fake" news media for not only writing false stories about him, but also not paying attention to what they write. "Don't you read what you write?" the chief executive asked rhetorically. "If you had paid more attention to yourselves, you would have already known that."
The president also attributed his many perceived negative comments over the years to his stroke-caused slurred speech. "For example, when I said there are fine people on both sides, I really was saying there are fine people on all sides," Trump explained.
"I'm not racist," Trump continued. "As you already know, I'm the least racist person you know. While I don't think there is systemic racism in America, I do believe in helping our systemically less capable brothers and sisters. Why do you think I pardoned Florence Johnston and am trying to help Adam West get on the ballot for the general election this November?"
Trump was also upset by reports that he didn't visit the graves of America's fallen soldiers in France because of his vanity. "I wasn't worried about my hair," insisted Trump. "What kind of person do you think I am? My hair is perfect. In fact, I was worried about Melania's breast implants being soaked wet."
According to Trump, that altruistic concern for his wife's important prosthetic parts explains why she wasn't present for the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon earlier this year. Trump says that he was afraid that the intense heat of the rocket's fiery exhaust would melt Melania's plastic and silicone.
However, that wasn't a concern for Vice President Mike Pence's wife, who was present at the launch. "She's got real 'uns,'' Trump explained. "If Mike Pence wasn't my VP --."
Trump then quickly interrupted himself, saying, "Hey, don't misquote me! I'm not into Mike Pence! I'm not gay, okay?! I'm the least gay guy you know! But I'm for the gays. I'm the least anti-gay guy you know!"
Going back to the decision not to visit the military cemetery in France, Trump also explained that he didn't want to appear disrespectful of America's war dead by dragging his right leg and foot.
Trump also said that his health issues are the reason why he appeared to mock a disabled New York Times reporter at a rally during the 2016 presidential campaign. "I was a having a major mini-stroke at that very moment," the winner explained.
Mortified that he could be considered disparaging of America's military men and women, President Trump clarified that although he said "suckers" and "losers," he actually meant to say that soldiers would have "sutures" due to "looser" limbs because of the ravages of war.
"I said 'sutures' and 'looser,' but it came out as 'suckers' and 'losers' due to my slurred speech as a result of my several mini-strokes and heart attacks," said the commander in chief, whose primary diet consists of Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonald's, with occasional excursions to Burger King and White Castle.
Trump chided the "fake" news media for not only writing false stories about him, but also not paying attention to what they write. "Don't you read what you write?" the chief executive asked rhetorically. "If you had paid more attention to yourselves, you would have already known that."
The president also attributed his many perceived negative comments over the years to his stroke-caused slurred speech. "For example, when I said there are fine people on both sides, I really was saying there are fine people on all sides," Trump explained.
"I'm not racist," Trump continued. "As you already know, I'm the least racist person you know. While I don't think there is systemic racism in America, I do believe in helping our systemically less capable brothers and sisters. Why do you think I pardoned Florence Johnston and am trying to help Adam West get on the ballot for the general election this November?"
Trump was also upset by reports that he didn't visit the graves of America's fallen soldiers in France because of his vanity. "I wasn't worried about my hair," insisted Trump. "What kind of person do you think I am? My hair is perfect. In fact, I was worried about Melania's breast implants being soaked wet."
According to Trump, that altruistic concern for his wife's important prosthetic parts explains why she wasn't present for the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon earlier this year. Trump says that he was afraid that the intense heat of the rocket's fiery exhaust would melt Melania's plastic and silicone.
However, that wasn't a concern for Vice President Mike Pence's wife, who was present at the launch. "She's got real 'uns,'' Trump explained. "If Mike Pence wasn't my VP --."
Trump then quickly interrupted himself, saying, "Hey, don't misquote me! I'm not into Mike Pence! I'm not gay, okay?! I'm the least gay guy you know! But I'm for the gays. I'm the least anti-gay guy you know!"
Going back to the decision not to visit the military cemetery in France, Trump also explained that he didn't want to appear disrespectful of America's war dead by dragging his right leg and foot.
Trump also said that his health issues are the reason why he appeared to mock a disabled New York Times reporter at a rally during the 2016 presidential campaign. "I was a having a major mini-stroke at that very moment," the winner explained.
