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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 10:37:28 GMT
I have and it's one of the worst feelings I know. When the other person pretends like you're losing your mind so they don't have to be accountable for what they did- or, worse, because they enjoy seeing the power they have over you. It's so passive aggressive.
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Post by Feologild Oakes on Oct 25, 2020 12:41:25 GMT
No
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Post by Ass_E9 on Oct 25, 2020 14:36:13 GMT
Yes
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Post by The Herald Erjen on Oct 25, 2020 15:19:54 GMT
I have and it's one of the worst feelings I know. When the other person pretends like you're losing their mind so they don't have to be accountable or, worse, because they enjoy seeing the power they have over you. It's so passive aggressive. It has been attempted a few times.
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Post by enigma72 on Oct 25, 2020 16:09:30 GMT
never. well, my husband just teasing about something small like, "no we haven't eaten dinner yet" but not more than a sentence or two. that's disturbing dirtypillows that is someone you don't need in your life. good luck!
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 20:16:18 GMT
never. well, my husband just teasing about something small like, "no we haven't eaten dinner yet" but not more than a sentence or two. that's disturbing dirtypillows that is someone you don't need in your life. good luck! Thank you. It's just so unnecessary, too. I did a little research on the subject, and, apparently, it comprises a strategy in "dirty fighting". That sounds about right. Movie-wise, it reminds me of "Rosemary's Baby", a classic story of paranoia gone horribly wrong. I've never seen "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 20:21:18 GMT
I have and it's one of the worst feelings I know. When the other person pretends like you're losing their mind so they don't have to be accountable or, worse, because they enjoy seeing the power they have over you. It's so passive aggressive. It has been attempted a few times. Yes, I could have been more clear. I've been aware of times when somebody was pulling this shit and I would call them on it and they acted like it was me who was overreacting. I see red.
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Post by The Herald Erjen on Oct 25, 2020 20:49:59 GMT
It has been attempted a few times. Yes, I could have been more clear. I've been aware of times when somebody was pulling this shit and I would call them on it and they acted like it was me who was overreacting. I see red. That's understandable. No one would appreciate being treated that way.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 22:01:05 GMT
never. well, my husband just teasing about something small like, "no we haven't eaten dinner yet" but not more than a sentence or two. that's disturbing dirtypillows that is someone you don't need in your life. good luck! When done in the humorous, good-natured vein you described with your husband, it's pretty much harmless, even fun. You know where the other person is coming from.
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Post by divtal on Oct 25, 2020 22:27:50 GMT
Fortunately, it has not happened to me. It's only been about a year, or two, since I began hearing the term "gaslighting." I didn't pay much attention, at first. Then, I realized that, of course, it references the film. What a cruel thing to do. And, obviously, it's easier to prey on those who have compromised self confidence. I hope that your past experience/s has made its mark, and that you can recognize it, and be able to walk away from something so mean. You can, always, come here for support.
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Post by enigma72 on Oct 25, 2020 22:35:18 GMT
never. well, my husband just teasing about something small like, "no we haven't eaten dinner yet" but not more than a sentence or two. that's disturbing dirtypillows that is someone you don't need in your life. good luck! Thank you. It's just so unnecessary, too. I did a little research on the subject, and, apparently, it comprises a strategy in "dirty fighting". That sounds about right. Movie-wise, it reminds me of "Rosemary's Baby", a classic story of paranoia gone horribly wrong. I've never seen "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman. be safe!! people can get in one's mind.
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Post by Stammerhead on Oct 25, 2020 22:45:32 GMT
Slightly off topic but this is one of my favourite stories about the original adaptation of the play Gaslight...
“When MGM remade the film with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman, the studio attempted to have all prints of this earlier version destroyed. Fortunately, several prints escaped the fire (in fact, it is believed that director Thorold Dickinson surreptitiously struck a print himself before the negative was lost).”
If MGM had succeeded in having all copies of the original destroyed would people have been thought mad if they started talking about once seeing a British version?
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 23:01:12 GMT
People do it all the time on here, but it is so much easier to recognise. It is also quite easy to recognise in real time as well, as when someone may comment to something said and contradict and push what they see as superiority of opinion onto you. They want to be seen as right, may have been triggered by your initial comment, and then have you second guessing yourself. It is often done by narcissistic and sociopathic personalities only. Lawyers playing devil’s advocate make a living from it. Parents do it to their kids, when they want to hold control over them. It’s evil!------------- Oh, it's hateful! I never thought about all the lawyers I've seen depicted in the movies over the years, but that makes perfect sense now that I think about it. And undoubtedly it is the reason why I hate lawyers so much. I dated a lawyer once. He turned out to be a duplicitous jerk. But parents have got to be the worst offenders of them all, because we come into this world with unquestioned trust and parents will use this against their own child. Yes, I think "evil" is in no way an understatement. I suppose the majority of people don't feel comfortable questioning their parents' motives. But to speak plain here, what parents do to their kids as a matter of routine is only a step or two less ROTTEN than what Guy Woodhouse does to Rosemary. When I think about that movie and I consider how much I despise Guy Woodhouse - only Nurse Ratched is easier to hate - the thing that makes Guy particular despicable is how he makes Rosemary feel that she is overreacting and being paranoid. Oh, how I hate him for this. Let's count up the ways, shall we?! 1. Guy throws away the book that Hutch gave to Rosemary and gets defensive when she questions him about it. What a rat. 2. The morning after Satan rapes her, Rosemary describes her terrible dream-like experience to Guy, who responds by accusing her of not being able to hold her booze! And he didn't want to miss "baby night"! Then, when Rosemary doesn't feel like making breakfast and tells Guy to go to a diner, he actually has the nerve to become angry with her! Plot-wise this is minor, but it is soooooo typical of the kind of person Guy is. What a creep. 3. Oh, lest I forget the post-party scene when the miserable prick gets angry because Rosemary wants to see Dr. Hill. Poor Rosemary has been in pain for months and her husband tells her "I won't let you do it, Ro. Because it's not fair to (evil) Dr. Saperstein." Oh, I just want to teach through the screen and throttle Guy. I loved that Rosemary sticks up for herself and her girlfriends, whom he calls "a bunch of not very bright bitches who oughtta mind their own Goddamn business!" And in the middle of his rant, he amps up his intimidation techniques by getting right up into Rosemary's personal space and steps right over. Yes, this is some major gaslighting. What a liar. I hate Guy Woodhouse.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 25, 2020 23:26:37 GMT
Fortunately, it has not happened to me. It's only been about a year, or two, since I began hearing the term "gaslighting." I didn't pay much attention, at first. Then, I realized that, of course, it references the film. What a cruel thing to do. And, obviously, it's easier to prey on those who have compromised self confidence. I hope that your past experience/s has made its mark, and that you can recognize it, and be able to walk away from something so mean. You can, always, come here for support. First, I have to say thank you for the nice and warm thing you said to me. It's nice to know that a person has a place to go! It's taken me a long time to put two and two together, but what a relief it was to have finally come up with four. Unfortunately, there are people who enjoy the hunt and for some of us it comes down to a matter of choosing the right people to be in our lives. Pretty much what you just said. I have one unpleasantly memorable example of being gaslit; it was when I spent an afternoon with a bunch of catty gays watching the Superbowl. This was the year Madonna sang The National anthem and would have been the raison d'etre for this charming get together. Anyway, out of about 20 people, I was on friendly terms with maybe four of them. One of them was a good friend, who, unfortunately, didn't have it inside him to stick up for me. But all in all, as a fairly complete social circle, they can be very shallow and a bit vicious. (Back stabbing is in their blood.) I was no match for this group and unfortunately lacked the self-awareness to know that I had no business being there. I remember I was not especially comfortable. Anyway, I do not remember the context nor the course of dialogue, but I observed something on television and thought up something humorous to say. And I made my comment, 1) because I thought it was funny and 2) because I wanted to participate in this group, covertly hostile as they were. Well, whatever it was I said fell on deaf ears. I said it loud and clear for everybody to hear and everybody just talked right past me. Me and my humorous observation got zero acknowledgment. I remember feeling deflated, but whatever, just trying to move it along. Okay, so here's the rub. About 15 minutes later, my socially competitive friend took it upon himself to offer up the exact same thing I had just said to the crowd, pretty much word for word, and the entire room cracked up! I was shocked. I'm not even going to pretend that I wasn't. For a minute there, I didn't even know what to say, but I came to and said something like "Wait a minute! I just said that a few minutes ago! What's going on here?" Nobody said a damm thing. They just kept right on going. It felt unreal. I know they damn well heard me, but instead chose to be who they were. Small town sadists, really. I'll never forget it. I felt like I was invisible.
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Post by quagsjonny on Oct 26, 2020 1:42:26 GMT
It's a common practice in high pressure sales. Cars, real estate timeshares, financial funds etc. You are crazy if you don't sign and finish NOW.
beware. Message boards are one thing, $ is another.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 26, 2020 7:04:18 GMT
Yes, I could have been more clear. I've been aware of times when somebody was pulling this shit and I would call them on it and they acted like it was me who was overreacting. I see red. That's understandable. No one would appreciate being treated that way. Thank you! I don't think the people who do this even think it's wrong.
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Post by JHA Durant on Oct 26, 2020 13:29:07 GMT
Yes, unfortunately.
It's a long story, and involves some close family members. Thankfully it was resolved.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 26, 2020 22:49:02 GMT
Yes, unfortunately. It's a long story, and involves some close family members. Thankfully it was resolved. It's the worst with family members because family should provide built in trust. It's like home invasion. I'm sorry. I've experienced family stuff like that myself.
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autumn
Junior Member
@autumn
Posts: 4,544
Likes: 3,635
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Post by autumn on Oct 27, 2020 0:12:12 GMT
Yes. Also by a family member.
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Post by dirtypillows on Oct 27, 2020 0:15:28 GMT
Yes. Also by a family member. Well, I'm not hitting the 'like' button because there's nothing here to like. But I will say it is very comforting and extremely reassuring to know that I am not the only one with an unkind family member.
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