ebony
Sophomore
@ebony
Posts: 615
Likes: 176
 
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Post by ebony on Nov 9, 2020 11:33:39 GMT
family hated me for being a failure.
Now I’m fucking old and it’s more like no one loved me until very recently and I was just naive and have never been a failure.
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Post by The Herald Erjen on Nov 9, 2020 13:48:38 GMT
Life keeps coming in cycles. Frank Sinatra even had a song about it.
If your ex had euthanized you four years ago you wouldn't be experiencing any of this now, so it looks like a victory over those dark forces that made you want to be euthanized, if I'm reading it right.
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Post by dirtypillows on Nov 9, 2020 13:53:28 GMT
family hated me for being a failure. Now I’m fucking old and it’s more like no one loved me until very recently and I was just naive and have never been a failure. Life is no fun when there is despair. |
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Post by enigma72 on Nov 9, 2020 17:05:18 GMT
sounds like you are on a healthy track. good luck Bon!
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Post by Nora on Nov 10, 2020 0:42:42 GMT
When I was 18 and living in England I was so homesick at one point that I found myself repeatadly asking my friend to run me over with a car and break my legs, so I could go home. My thinking was that my mom would Have to let me come back home if my legs were broken.
I thought she didnt want me to come home. I learned many years later she was really struggling back then, missing me, but wanted me to be able to survive on my own.
My friend - of course- did Not run me over, and we have a laugh about it every now and then; but I sympathize with moments like that, when one feels like harm to ones self is the only way out.
Not sure who needs to hear it but... From my experience in my life and in observing others - it never is.
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ebony
Sophomore
@ebony
Posts: 615
Likes: 176
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Post by ebony on Nov 10, 2020 22:49:08 GMT
When I was 18 and living in England I was so homesick at one point that I found myself repeatadly asking my friend to run me over with a car and break my legs, so I could go home. My thinking was that my mom would Have to let me come back home if my legs were broken. I thought she didnt want me to come home. I learned many years later she was really struggling back then, missing me, but wanted me to be able to survive on my own. My friend - of course- did Not run me over, and we have a laugh about it every now and then; but I sympathize with moments like that, when one feels like harm to ones self is the only way out. Not sure who needs to hear it but... From my experience in my life and in observing others - it never is. I'm doing all the things my parents didn't want now. Like choosing who I'm in a relationship with instead of being forced into arranged marriage and choosing what to study.
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Post by Nora on Nov 11, 2020 1:38:15 GMT
When I was 18 and living in England I was so homesick at one point that I found myself repeatadly asking my friend to run me over with a car and break my legs, so I could go home. My thinking was that my mom would Have to let me come back home if my legs were broken. I thought she didnt want me to come home. I learned many years later she was really struggling back then, missing me, but wanted me to be able to survive on my own. My friend - of course- did Not run me over, and we have a laugh about it every now and then; but I sympathize with moments like that, when one feels like harm to ones self is the only way out. Not sure who needs to hear it but... From my experience in my life and in observing others - it never is. I'm doing all the things my parents didn't want now. Like choosing who I'm in a relationship with instead of being forced into arranged marriage and choosing what to study. good for you |
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