How to Make $2 billion dollars off of Lazy Rehash
Jul 7, 2017 20:47:14 GMT
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coldenhaulfield likes this
Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2017 20:47:14 GMT
Step #1: Remake the greatest sci-fantasy movie of all time! Just take the script and screenplay for ANH and use that for 75% to 80% of the movie. Even right down to the finest details. Switch around a few minor scenes in chronological order. But essentially keep the entire onscreen chronological order from ANH also. Add a few scenes from the other 2 OT movies to cover another 5% to 10%.
Step #2: Rehash! Rehash! Rehash! Bring back most of the OT stars in the exact same characterization that they were at the start of the OT and erase their character development. Clone the same planets from ANH/OT with the same environments and same societies and economies. Clone the same warring factions with the same organizational structures. Clone all the uniforms and wardrobe from ANH. Clone all the hardware, the bases, the ships from ANH. Down to the finest details! And of course there has to be a third Death Star that's destroyed almost identical to the way it was in ANH.
Step #3: Add originality - "Balls and boxes!" Let's fake the effort and intention of adding original designs by going with balls and boxes. Take the unique design for astromech droids like R2D2, a cylinder with a dome on top and a tripod leg assembly. Let's make a new version which is just a rolling ball with a little dome on the top. Let's have a star menacing monster like the Rancor Beast. Let's make it a rolling ball with tentacles and a toothy mouth.
Let's add some new spacecraft designs to what's just the same ones from ANH with very minor visual tweaks. Let's take the Imperial shuttle craft and make it boxier. Let's have Han Solo's new smuggler freighter ship be a huge floating, flying box. Let's have Leia's shuttle craft be a flying rectangle! Boxes and balls! (Lazy originality!)
Step #4: Add more "originality - Disneyfy! Disneyfy! Make the new star characters Disney archetypes! Start with the warrior princess! And clear anybody out of her way that would or could steal her shine and rob her screen time. That means taking Luke Skywalker out of the movie and shoving him into a 3 minute non-dialogue cameo at the end of the movie. That means killing off ace pilot Poe Dameron. Then rewriting him to disappear til the attack on Death Star 3 because Oscar Isaac begged to be kept. But it'll work in a SW movie 'cuz what Disney princess hasn't been a blockbuster in the past 20 years?
Let's make her sidekick the typical inept platonic guy who has a crush on her and worships her. He only breaks through his ineptitude on a few occasions when he is inspired by his warrior princess. This is him even though his backstory says he's supposed to be a psychologically programmed Stormtrooper who flipped.
Let's make the warrior princess' arch nemesis be the typical Disney antagonist. He impresses all of his henchmen and the other people in his organization. But whenever he goes up against the warrior princess he is an embarrassing failure, Wiley Coyote style.
Step #5: Rey's first name is Mare and her last name is Sue. "MarySue it!" She will be written in the classic MarySue style like something dreamed up by a narcissistic 9 year old. These kinds of male heroes were extremely popular over 50 years ago and before (and have been around in stories for centuries). But you can't criticize or identify a female MarySue because that's misogyny! There can be no other motive for it. This is a positive female character and a healthy female role model even though the male equivalent has been criticized and socially discouraged for the past 25 years or more. But it comes across as just another Disney warrior princess on steroids. So she's socially safe. And it'll work in a SW movie (lore be damned) because what Disney princess hasn't been a blockbuster in last 75 years? Or Disney warrior princess in the last 30 years?
Step #2: Rehash! Rehash! Rehash! Bring back most of the OT stars in the exact same characterization that they were at the start of the OT and erase their character development. Clone the same planets from ANH/OT with the same environments and same societies and economies. Clone the same warring factions with the same organizational structures. Clone all the uniforms and wardrobe from ANH. Clone all the hardware, the bases, the ships from ANH. Down to the finest details! And of course there has to be a third Death Star that's destroyed almost identical to the way it was in ANH.
Step #3: Add originality - "Balls and boxes!" Let's fake the effort and intention of adding original designs by going with balls and boxes. Take the unique design for astromech droids like R2D2, a cylinder with a dome on top and a tripod leg assembly. Let's make a new version which is just a rolling ball with a little dome on the top. Let's have a star menacing monster like the Rancor Beast. Let's make it a rolling ball with tentacles and a toothy mouth.
Let's add some new spacecraft designs to what's just the same ones from ANH with very minor visual tweaks. Let's take the Imperial shuttle craft and make it boxier. Let's have Han Solo's new smuggler freighter ship be a huge floating, flying box. Let's have Leia's shuttle craft be a flying rectangle! Boxes and balls! (Lazy originality!)
Step #4: Add more "originality - Disneyfy! Disneyfy! Make the new star characters Disney archetypes! Start with the warrior princess! And clear anybody out of her way that would or could steal her shine and rob her screen time. That means taking Luke Skywalker out of the movie and shoving him into a 3 minute non-dialogue cameo at the end of the movie. That means killing off ace pilot Poe Dameron. Then rewriting him to disappear til the attack on Death Star 3 because Oscar Isaac begged to be kept. But it'll work in a SW movie 'cuz what Disney princess hasn't been a blockbuster in the past 20 years?
Let's make her sidekick the typical inept platonic guy who has a crush on her and worships her. He only breaks through his ineptitude on a few occasions when he is inspired by his warrior princess. This is him even though his backstory says he's supposed to be a psychologically programmed Stormtrooper who flipped.
Let's make the warrior princess' arch nemesis be the typical Disney antagonist. He impresses all of his henchmen and the other people in his organization. But whenever he goes up against the warrior princess he is an embarrassing failure, Wiley Coyote style.
Step #5: Rey's first name is Mare and her last name is Sue. "MarySue it!" She will be written in the classic MarySue style like something dreamed up by a narcissistic 9 year old. These kinds of male heroes were extremely popular over 50 years ago and before (and have been around in stories for centuries). But you can't criticize or identify a female MarySue because that's misogyny! There can be no other motive for it. This is a positive female character and a healthy female role model even though the male equivalent has been criticized and socially discouraged for the past 25 years or more. But it comes across as just another Disney warrior princess on steroids. So she's socially safe. And it'll work in a SW movie (lore be damned) because what Disney princess hasn't been a blockbuster in last 75 years? Or Disney warrior princess in the last 30 years?
