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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 23, 2017 17:01:12 GMT
of endless adverts to buy, buy, buy for Christmas, smarmy fairytale holiday Hallmark movies, advertisers playing on heartstrings to sell a product, particularly expensive jewelry, glossed up family scenarios, giving to non-profits (like your $19.00 a month is really going to eradicate childhood cancer or cruelty to animals).
But then, of course, there will be a brief push for New Year buying, especially weight loss products and exercise machines.
Then on to the Valentine's Day images of perfect love through the purchase of jewelry in particular. After that, a brief respite from idealized images of unrealistic expectations.
An endless effort to separate you from your money while trying to make you feel warm and fuzzy about it.
Those of us who have lost a loved one, especially around the time of a traditional holiday, feel only loss at this barrage of 'love and good cheer can be bought'. My sympathies to anyone struggling with loss at this time of year or a dysfunctional family event that has to be attended.
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Post by goz on Dec 24, 2017 2:59:29 GMT
...well we could be ( and soon might ) be at war!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2017 5:43:56 GMT
of endless adverts to buy, buy, buy for Christmas, smarmy fairytale holiday Hallmark movies, advertisers playing on heartstrings to sell a product, particularly expensive jewelry, glossed up family scenarios, giving to non-profits (like your $19.00 a month is really going to eradicate childhood cancer or cruelty to animals). But then, of course, there will be a brief push for New Year buying, especially weight loss products and exercise machines. Then on to the Valentine's Day images of perfect love through the purchase of jewelry in particular. After that, a brief respite from idealized images of unrealistic expectations. An endless effort to separate you from your money while trying to make you feel warm and fuzzy about it. Those of us who have lost a loved one, especially around the time of a traditional holiday, feel only loss at this barrage of 'love and good cheer can be bought'. My sympathies to anyone struggling with loss at this time of year or a dysfunctional family event that has to be attended. I used to love Christmas so much when I was younger; mainly because of the 'fairytale' mythology surrounding it rather than the promise of gifts, and the aesthetic beauty of Christmas decoration, more than from the promise of receiving presents. But that was before I realised that the scenarios depicted in the movies is one that doesn't obtain in reality. I'm a lot more jaded nowadays, but I still seek out some solace from the mundane drudgery of reality in those mushy Hollywood movies peddling an unattainable fantasy from time to time. |
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Post by tickingmask on Dec 24, 2017 12:42:44 GMT
You shouldn't feel obliged to succumb to the 'endless effort to separate you from your money'. I'm quite capable of feeling warm and fuzzy without needing to spend vast amounts of cash on consumer goods. Listening to carols about baby Jesus usually does the trick for me!
And while I agree that Chrismas is a shitty time of year to be alone, I'm all in favour of utilising it as a way to reach out to bring dysfunctional families together, or welcome lonely people into your circle. It's a lot easier to think about lost loved ones when you have people around you than when you are on your own.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 26, 2017 4:30:18 GMT
You shouldn't feel obliged to succumb to the 'endless effort to separate you from your money'. I'm quite capable of feeling warm and fuzzy without needing to spend vast amounts of cash on consumer goods. Listening to carols about baby Jesus usually does the trick for me! And while I agree that Chrismas is a shitty time of year to be alone, I'm all in favour of utilising it as a way to reach out to bring dysfunctional families together, or welcome lonely people into your circle. It's a lot easier to think about lost loved ones when you have people around you than when you are on your own. Well, I'm an atheist, so the baby jesus stuff doesn't do the trick for me. And bringing dysfunctional families together doesn't magically make the dysfunction go away, especially if some are Christian and others are not. No, it's not easier to think about lost loved ones with others around you, unless they, too, have lost someone. I do my obligatory holiday socializing, properly medicated against emotional pain, then come home to contemplate the loss and engage in whatever comforting rituals I can come up with. Though I am as Northern European as one can get, I celebrate the Mexican holiday of Dia de los Muertos instead of Halloween. Small details of former holidays and traditions are remembered and cherished. It's a way to compartmentalize the grief so that normal life can go on after the holiday ends. |
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Post by tickingmask on Dec 26, 2017 22:39:06 GMT
Well, I'm an atheist, so the baby jesus stuff doesn't do the trick for me. Helpful tip: You don't need to be religious to get a warm fuzzy feeling from Christmas carols. Or from any other kind of religious music, for that matter. And if the differences between you and your dysfunctional family stem from the fact that some of them are religious and you are not, I'm not going to suggest that there's a magic cure for this, but I do find it a bit sad that you can't put those differences aside for just one day. |
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Post by gadreel on Dec 26, 2017 22:45:37 GMT
I am finally realising how dysfunctional my family was (is), aside from feeling a bit like I let down my daughter but not having a family for her I am actually happier without them.
Of course Christmas has a lot of bad associations for me, so that might be a thing too.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 27, 2017 8:34:50 GMT
Well, I'm an atheist, so the baby jesus stuff doesn't do the trick for me. Helpful tip: You don't need to be religious to get a warm fuzzy feeling from Christmas carols. Or from any other kind of religious music, for that matter. And if the differences between you and your dysfunctional family stem from the fact that some of them are religious and you are not, I'm not going to suggest that there's a magic cure for this, but I do find it a bit sad that you can't put those differences aside for just one day. I have to participate in religious traditions I don't believe in. It's their way or the highway. And it's constant. And it's manipulative. And religious music of any kind makes my stomach turn. You clearly don't understand what it is like to be forced into participating in a religious practice you don't believe in. I don't try to convince them to be atheist; if only they would be as courteous to me and stop trying to convince me to be Fundamentalist Christian. How would you like to spend an entire day with a group of Hindus trying to convince you to convert to Hinduism? One of these days I am just not going to show up. Maybe they will get the message, but I doubt it. |
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 27, 2017 8:53:54 GMT
I am finally realising how dysfunctional my family was (is), aside from feeling a bit like I let down my daughter but not having a family for her I am actually happier without them. Of course Christmas has a lot of bad associations for me, so that might be a thing too. My sympathies, gadreel. I think I mentioned once before that I wish my parents had divorced and found other spouses that they could have been happy with. You can still be a great dad to her as an individual, on your time with her, but avoid the entirety of the whole dysfunctional group. Christmas has bad associations for me, too, and it does make this time of year more upsetting. Do what you have to do for self-preservation. |
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Post by scienceisgod on Dec 27, 2017 9:16:56 GMT
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Post by tickingmask on Dec 27, 2017 11:42:55 GMT
How would you like to spend an entire day with a group of Hindus trying to convince you to convert to Hinduism? Well, assuming they just wanted me to join in their Hindu celebrations and didn't start deploying mind control techniques or anything like that: it's unlikely I'd consider converting to Hinduism, but I would definitely be touched that they would invite me to join in with celebrations that are obviously important to them, even though not to me. I would feel privileged to be included. And I would join in. What religious practices are we even talking about here? They don't want you to strip naked with them and drink goat's blood or anything weird like that, do they? |
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 27, 2017 15:46:04 GMT
How would you like to spend an entire day with a group of Hindus trying to convince you to convert to Hinduism? and didn't start deploying mind control techniques or anything like that: it's unlikely I'd consider converting to Hinduism, but I would definitely be touched that they would invite me to join in with celebrations that are obviously important to them, even though not to me. I would feel privileged to be included. And I would join in. What religious practices are we even talking about here? They don't want you to strip naked with them and drink goat's blood or anything weird like that, do they? They have been trying to brainwash me back into their cult since I broke away as a young adult. This is not just a casual 'come have fun with us for a day, worshipping baby Jesus', it is about making me accept Christ as my personal savior and joining the cult. What if they were Extremist Muslim, and trying to get me to worship Allah and fight in their Jihad? I used Hindus as an example because they aren't a controversial religion right now. What if they were militant racists, Neo Nazis, or some other group that you find offensive? This is about mind control and indoctrination, not a happy, casual cultural exchange They don't respect my decision to live by facts, reason and logic. They want me to change who I am and live by their rules and believe that magical thinking and an invisible sky father is more real than the advances in medical science that saved my life, the only one I'll ever have, when I as diagnosed with cancer at age 35. They are convinced I am alive because of their prayers. I KNOW that, if not treated medically as I was, I would have died from my disease. I don't try to convince them to be atheist; if only they would be as courteous to me and stop trying to convince me to be Fundamentalist Christian.
If this doesn't clarify the issue to you, then there is nothing more to be discussed with you.
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Post by gadreel on Dec 27, 2017 17:48:42 GMT
I am finally realising how dysfunctional my family was (is), aside from feeling a bit like I let down my daughter but not having a family for her I am actually happier without them. Of course Christmas has a lot of bad associations for me, so that might be a thing too. My sympathies, gadreel. I think I mentioned once before that I wish my parents had divorced and found other spouses that they could have been happy with. You can still be a great dad to her as an individual, on your time with her, but avoid the entirety of the whole dysfunctional group. Christmas has bad associations for me, too, and it does make this time of year more upsetting. Do what you have to do for self-preservation. I have enough alcohol in the house to self preserve my self in perpetuity. |
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 27, 2017 22:56:26 GMT
My sympathies, gadreel. I think I mentioned once before that I wish my parents had divorced and found other spouses that they could have been happy with. You can still be a great dad to her as an individual, on your time with her, but avoid the entirety of the whole dysfunctional group. Christmas has bad associations for me, too, and it does make this time of year more upsetting. Do what you have to do for self-preservation. I have enough alcohol in the house to self preserve my self in perpetuity. Here's to alcohol for medicinal purposes!  |
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