I'm back to having Passive Suicidal Thoughts...

Hmmmmmm......   Maybe you could move a more country like area, & apply to work on a farm or something like that....?

Or just join some hippy commune/co-op

one weak link still makes a chain





our fondling fathers
weren't
overtly concerned
with
the ramifications
of their
slash and burn theology.


but today
we hold an enlightened ecology
as tantamount to
the freedoms
of
what we do
or who
we are about to screw
being
as precious as
coddling the meats we pour
into
our self-possessed stew. 


for
chains
are only as oppressive as
our willingness
to
disregard the humanity of
those pilgrims
sailing
right next to you.






sjw 09/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time as the portal seers into the darkness of each and every outstanding fear.
'




from the 'benevolent series' of poems

I'm not being burdened.  I'm simply saying that you should consider all the consequences before you pack it in and head for an abandoned hut in Montana.  With the division of labor, all I need to do is keep current with my own specialty.  I don't need to know how to build a cabin, trap animals, cook them, stay warm in the winter, school my children, keep the family healthy, etc.

@thegodfather , as I suggested before, you need to see a therapist to help you through your dark periods, and medication to help with what could be bipolar disorder. You are showing classic manic/depressive behavior, and treatment can help now.

In the future, work towards finding a way to get off the grid. There's nothing wrong with that. Subscribe to Mother Earth News, buy a remote piece of wooded land with a water source, spend a day or two there when you can, you don't have to jump into the deep end. Incremental change can happen.

I myself live very modestly in a rural area and have for years. Only recently was I able to semi-retire and spend more time there, working towards being less dependent on societal norms. I grow some of my own vegetables, have become less dependent on the grid, and may someday just go totally feral, as long as I can still afford to take my animals to the vet to keep them healthy (by the way, I'm vegetarian and don't eat any animals)

Start researching how you might do this. Get help with medication so you are stable enough to keep going until you can make changes in your life that are meaningful. Get a journal and start putting useful information in it. Just this process of making plans and learning skills will help your mood. And I wish you the best of luck.