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Post by goz on Oct 3, 2018 4:53:31 GMT
Jesus jokes:
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists |
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Post by thefleetsin on Oct 3, 2018 19:05:14 GMT
a nationwide alert system
for those
without the benefit of
a cell phone
or
a permanent home
our
glorious fuhrer
never wants us to
feel alone
so
he's linked us all together
with his
magical narnia tome
so he can
once again brag
that he
invested his own money
in the
original dial up phone.
sjw 10/03/18 inspired at this very moment in time by our glorious all-loving fuhrer.
from the 'blitzkrieg series' of poems
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Post by koskiewicz on Oct 4, 2018 18:07:05 GMT
sacred, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama of Tibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of apes in Ceylon; the cow in India; the crocodile, the cat and the onion of ancient Egypt; the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc.
-Ambrose Bierce
All things are either sacred or profane,
The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
The latter to the devil appertain.
-Dumbo Omohundro
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Post by thefleetsin on Oct 4, 2018 20:20:58 GMT
a woman seen whoring around a dormitory
as the greeks were busy
fingering
each other's backsides
while
playing beer slide
a woman
was seen whoring around a dormitory
and out came the story
that
she was begging for it
when in reality
she was on her way to
a barbecue
sponsored by jesus loving jews
when she bent over
to pick up a loose screw
and
that was apparently
more than enough reason
for boys
to do what boys do.
sjw 10/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time by good gosh almighty that there judge kavanaugh is truly a god fearin freedom lovin good old boy after all.
from the 'boner series' of poems
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Post by goz on Oct 4, 2018 22:02:08 GMT
sacred, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama of Tibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of apes in Ceylon; the cow in India; the crocodile, the cat and the onion of ancient Egypt; the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc. -Ambrose Bierce All things are either sacred or profane, The former to ecclesiasts bring gain; The latter to the devil appertain. -Dumbo Omohundro It is also the title of some famous book by some dude I can't remember and I always liked the phrase. It seems to sum up Jesus jokes! |
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Post by goz on Oct 4, 2018 22:03:13 GMT
a woman seen whoring around a dormitory as the greeks were busy fingering each other's backsides while playing beer slide a woman was seen whoring around a dormitory and out came the story that she was begging for it when in reality she was on her way to a barbecue sponsored by jesus loving jews when she bent over to pick up a loose screw and that was apparently more than enough reason for boys to do what boys do. sjw 10/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time by good gosh almighty that there judge kavanaugh is truly a god fearin freedom lovin good old boy after all. from the 'boner series' of poems Hey Steve! I have always been a supporter of you butt don't you have any split siding Jesus jokes for us? |
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Post by thefleetsin on Oct 4, 2018 22:29:55 GMT
pyramids of prisoners promoted as pretty
i was
seriously considering touring
with a cavalcade
of
the photos made
of
prisoners stacked in pyramids
using
the bones of the pulverized
iraqi kids
as picture frames.
but then i thought
in
what god's name
could
i possibly
pass this through the censors
and the plans
they've already made
to form
their own slideshow
entertaining the slaves.
sjw 10/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time while mulling over a new jesus joke.
from the 'blathering series' of poems
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Post by goz on Oct 4, 2018 22:35:52 GMT
pyramids of prisoners promoted as pretty i was seriously considering touring with a cavalcade of the photos made of prisoners stacked in pyramids using the bones of the pulverized iraqi kids as picture frames. but then i thought in what god's name could i possibly pass this through the censors and the plans they've already made to form their own slideshow entertaining the slaves. sjw 10/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time while mulling over a new jesus joke. from the 'blathering series' of poems I was hoping more for ... 'Jesus walked into a bar, it split into two pieces, one short and one long at an angle and he fell on them, then he got up three days later and said 'set 'em up bartender, the high balls are on me!'...type of thing...  |
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Post by thefleetsin on Oct 4, 2018 23:07:27 GMT
elementary my dear flotsam
there's
fishes made from wishes
and
there's
loaves from deuteronomy.
there's
jonah stuffed inside a whale
and
joseph's sure lobotomy.
there's
water you can walk upon
and
devils we can all cast out.
there's even
stones that rolled away
when jesus did a walk about.
there's
acrimony
platitudes and sorcery unlimited.
there's
smoked filled mirrors of attitudes
that no one ever shall forget.
unless
you happen to be one who questions
blind authority
or you look forward spending time
denouncing categorically.
there's
certainly a ton of jokes
i could be pressed to chant and yell.
but i have one hot dinner date
with liberace
here in hell.
and so i'll say adieu adieu
and leave the chortles up to you.
for gods no laughing matter
when christians
want to bury you.
sjw 10/04/18 inspired at this very moment in time by okay okay okay.
from the 'blasphemy series' of poems
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