The Man Who Shot Four Liberty Valences

I am just a pilgrim, working as a part-time sheriff,
and life was pretty cool
until the fateful day
that five Liberty Valences rode in our way.

They were bums. Bums. Just bums.
At first I was content to let them be,
and then they harassed our womenfolk,
and engaged upon a spree.

Then the retarded stable boy blew one of them away,
although he later came back as Roscoe P. Coltrane;
a full-time sheriff,
which is more than I ever did.

The remaining four Liberty Valences hanged the stable boy
while I was away
with my wife who was giving birth
to another of my kids, of which I already have enough.

Now I must pin on the badge that my kids made for me.
Got to man up, got to face these Liberty Valences,
and this time there will be
no anonymous hero shooting around the corner for me.





THE

Inspired by Drystyx

From the "Eat-your-heart-out-thefleetsin" series of poems.