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Post by cupcakes on May 3, 2017 21:47:21 GMT
tpfkar"I'm " "I'm perfectly cool with the gays and all, but, like, really, could you just imagine me saying something like - In the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and male,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and father and be united to his husband, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate'? Can you imagine the how many coronaries would happen right at that instant! It it would be gods-level trolling OMFG!" If a man has sex with an animal, he must be put to death, and the animal must be killed.
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Post by CoolJGS☺ on May 3, 2017 22:36:14 GMT
The righteous shall inherit the land and dwell upon it forever. The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip. The wicked watches for the righteous and seeks to put him to death. The Lord will not abandon him to his power or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial. Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.
EDIT: Oops...Wait, it does say that...Sorry...
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Post by Karl Aksel on May 3, 2017 22:40:56 GMT
Thus saith the Lord: lol
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blade
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Post by blade on May 4, 2017 1:47:45 GMT
tpfkar"I'm " "I'm perfectly cool with the gays and all, but, like, really, could you just imagine me saying something like - In the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and male,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and father and be united to his husband, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate'? Can you imagine the how many coronaries would happen right at that instant! It it would be gods-level trolling OMFG!" If a man has sex with an animal, he must be put to death, and the animal must be killed.But Jesus never said you couldn't have sex with an animal so of course that means it's okay.
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Post by cupcakes on May 4, 2017 1:56:04 GMT
tpfkar I don't at all doubt that's how your mind works. The only thing Marv ever unpacks is fudge.
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blade
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Post by blade on May 4, 2017 2:11:43 GMT
tpfkar I don't at all doubt that's how your mind works. The only thing Marv ever unpacks is fudge.It's the same argument that gay supporters use against the bible passages that denounce homosexuality. "jesus never mentioned homosexuality" I was mocking them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 2:21:42 GMT
From the recently discovered first page...
"The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred."
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Post by cupcakes on May 4, 2017 2:22:41 GMT
tpfkar Like most everything you attempt around here, you're doing it very wrong. They know that yet they keep bringing it up...implying I had an interest in the children. It was an insult against the parent. The guy lived with his parents and I wondered how they all fit in the house at night when they slept. I wondered if some had to sleep in the garage or elsewhere.
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blade
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Post by blade on May 4, 2017 2:26:56 GMT
Jesus never mentioned beasteality.
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Post by cupcakes on May 4, 2017 3:06:47 GMT
tpfkar Yet another thing you do in His stead. A black guy getting chicken?
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Post by lowtacks86 on May 4, 2017 3:27:06 GMT
Vote Republican
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Post by Vegas on May 4, 2017 8:38:53 GMT
I may not know what is meant by evidence because God talked to a bunch of people, spoke at Jesus' baptism, and even got so close to Moses he glowed. Are we talking about tap dancing or something? God talked to a bunch of people.. IN THE BIBLE. That's not really evidence for the existence of the God OF THE BIBLE. Harry Potter had proof of Voldermort's existence....... that doesn't make him real. It's WHAT God says to Moses that could have proved His existence TO US.... is what really matters.
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Post by CoolJGS☺ on May 4, 2017 10:47:46 GMT
I may not know what is meant by evidence because God talked to a bunch of people, spoke at Jesus' baptism, and even got so close to Moses he glowed. Are we talking about tap dancing or something? God talked to a bunch of people.. IN THE BIBLE. That's not really evidence for the existence of the God OF THE BIBLE. Harry Potter had proof of Voldermort's existence....... that doesn't make him real. It's WHAT God says to Moses that could have proved His existence TO US.... is what really matters. I was confused about the rules of the thread. IN the Bible, there was proof, but the verse FF made is for the benefit of the reader. Or maybe he was saying that we would never see the Bible have a verse that didn;t prove his existence. It's too deep for such a fun thread though. It's making me think which is making my head hurt.
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Post by FilmFlaneur on May 4, 2017 11:03:57 GMT
I was confused about the rules of the thread. Anything can be posted which is not to be found in the Bible, preferably from a point of view of satire. But such things can be flattering by their absence or not. The central myths written about in the Bible are hearsay. Using scripture to prove the authority of itself is a circular argument.
No, I was not saying that. But it is a sentiment I agree with, as you might expect.
30: For there are four who testify in heaven: the Father, the Word, the Holy Spirit, and the Trickster God; and these four are one. Search us for what this all means unto ye all.
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Post by Terrapin Station on May 4, 2017 11:14:33 GMT
Thou shalt have casual sex with at least one new stranger per day.
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Post by CoolJGS☺ on May 4, 2017 11:23:36 GMT
FilmFlaneurWait, so are you saying the Bible does not have God proving himself to the people in the Bible?
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Post by FilmFlaneur on May 4, 2017 11:33:58 GMT
FilmFlaneur Wait, so are you saying the Bible does not have God proving himself to the people in the Bible? No I am saying that using the Bible to justify its own authority is a circular argument. Many of Lovecraft's works mention Cthulhu, or the surrounding mythos. Are we to accept the existence of the older gods proven based on their appearance and mention in such works since they feature such a character? Outside of the Bible and scripture meanwhile, it is a less reassuring world with various deities and their supporters jostling to be 'proven' as the one, true, supernatural and deliberate Cause of it all, none of which ever deliver a knock out blow.
31. Thou shalt accept my existence as proven, on the basis of me telling you I do, just as ye be reading it here.
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Post by johnblutarsky on May 5, 2017 14:50:23 GMT
Long before the lost book of Phil Collins....even before the book of Genesis, there was a book of Urkel. This book was not included in the Bible. In short:
Several billion years ago, god (known as Urkel at the time) was listening to funky jazz music. He started snapping his fingers to the beat, but each time he clicked his fingers together, he accidentally created countless stars, planets and moons.
When he opened his eyes and saw what he had done, he said (in a very annoying voice), "Did I do that?" However, Urkel was not impressed. He felt too cramped with all the space junk flying around. He preferred to float around in a endless void of nothingness. After all, he couldn't hold down a job, so he had a lot of time to explore the nothingness all around him.
He realized that in a few billion years, ape-like creatures were going to develop the capacity for reason and start to question their own existence. He sent a message, through time, for a few illiterate sheep herders to convey the origin of the universe. However, Urkel wrote the message in a Xzqualatian language that only he understood. That really didn't matter, since the sheep herders couldn't read anyway, so they eventually made up a series of stories that were mainly used to scare children into doing their chores and eating their vegetables.
Over time, these stories were passed down from one person to the next. The stories stayed fairly true to the original made-up stories until Ronald (or Big Daddy, as his friends called him) told the stories to a guy named Frank (the loon). Unfortunately, Frank was an a-hole and had the attention span of a gnat. He changed most of the narrative when he passed the stories onto the next guy. (I believe his name was Henry). Anyway, several versions of these stories ultimately became intertwined before being committed to the written word.
Urkel created another universe filled with nothingness, so he could meander timelessly and avoid looking for a job. He was never seen or heard from again.
The End
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Post by FilmFlaneur on May 5, 2017 15:05:31 GMT
32. For then the Holy Spirit sayeth "Hey Jehovah, are you holidaying on earth again this aeon?" and then did God reply with full sorrow: "Verily, no; last time I was there I got a local girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it yet."
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