Post by troliusmaximus on May 14, 2017 10:27:01 GMT
1. Ridley Scott is done as a director, is likely clinically senile and may end up as his brother did.
2. The risk of unfurling a solar umbrella in the vastness of space, as a "nano particle storm" occurs -- at that, exact, same moment -- is so high that you can almost guarantee it happening.
3. There is actually sound in space.
3. Although we can predict solar storms today, we lose this technical ability in ~90 years.
4. When people are suddenly and prematurely awoken from hyper-sleep -- bypassing the correct 'warm-up' protocols --they're ready to rock n' roll in literal seconds.
5. 'Hibernation pods' that do not eject their occupants properly, lock themselves shut and automatically enter an 'incinerate' sequence.
6. When you've spent countless years and billions of dollars planning and orchestrating a planet colonisation party, you should immediately detour elsewhere the moment you get some faint radio static that resembles the Resident Evil schlocks' 'Becky' kid, singing John Denver ditty.
7. On purely science-based, interstellar colonisation missions, one should employ religion-compromised second mates, prone to making decisions influenced by millennia-old, high-fantasy fiction fairy tale books written by Zionists.
8. If you land on an unknown planet, be sure to land in the one-in-a-billion spot where the 'action' is taking place... and on your very first attempt.
9. Thunder from lightning strikes of a planet that you are orbiting tens of kilometres above, can be heard in the vacuum of space and at the very instant that the clouds emit the lightning.
10. When you configure your landing craft for "amphibious" mode, ensure the vehicle deploys snow-sled-like landing gear -- in order to land on water.
11. When landing on water, teleport your crew to land; but make it look like as if they walked on water -- Jesus-like.
12. While on an alien planet that is covered in over-sized, seemingly GMO-mutated "wheat" (NB: This can be verified by the vagrant bum you employ as an ad hoc 'merc' crew member), ensure to wander off into no-man's land and then obligatorily split up, A.S.A.P..
13. If one is suddenly feeling ill, looks more jaundiced than a brain-hungry George A. Romero zombie, and is perspiring like they're in the throes of an Ebola fever, always deny anything is wrong... especially if queried by your suggestible, credulous botanist.
14. Always fondle alien, poppy-like flora that's actually fauna, and inhale any spores that it may emit.
15. When problems arise (whether from above actions or otherwise), switch instantly to a state of utter catatonia -- by discarding any and all training you may have had prior in order to qualify you for your position as an interstellar space fairer.
16. When crew members become sick during such expeditions, and begin to vomit blood, rush them back into your ship -- ensuring to avoid donning any protective gear, before ushering them into your erstwhile sterile biome.
17. Be certain to lock any such individuals into medical rooms with their handler/s; tricking them to achieve this, if necessary.
18. After witnessing what looks like an alien exorcism gone horribly wrong, instead of leaving the hapless, affected party / parties in their quarantined area, grab a giant firearm -- preferably one that defies technological advancement toward miniaturisation and ergonomics -- and re-enter what has now devolved into a bio-hazard that 'Umbrella Corp.' would be proud (NB: Suffice to say, sans requisite equipment, safety gear or any precautions in case of a [predictable] mishap).
19. When inside said 'death chamber', channel your inner Benny Hill -- let loose; have fun!
20. Subsequently (provided you haven't already been turned to strewn innards), stumble about like a drunk lunatic; making certain that any communication you do manage with crew members, is all but indecipherable--so that no one can possibly make head nor tail of any of your insane, inane shrieking.
21. When you are rushing back to your landing craft, so as to tend to the emergency, never run -- walk -- only -- but always convey to the head case on the other end of the sound power, that you are in fact hurrying back as fast as you possibly can.
22. Of course, your protracted trek into the wilderness, should only take but mere minutes to backtrack over.
23. After ambulating back -- with Jason-Vorhees-like deceptive expedition -- and within sight of your landing craft, upon seeing it erupt into conflagrant flames, THEN start running towards it / the carnage.
24. When entering what looks like a giant, Minus-Morgul-styled mausoleum -- of which the forecourt of is littered with what looks like victims of the Pompeii earthquake -- and given the opportunity to inquire about anything concerning your current curious circumstances, always first ask where the roof access is.
25. Fear not the lone, solitary, Sith-like beings who appear from nowhere, on eerie, alien planets -- and who reside in massive shrines, seemingly erected to worship death -- they are surely there to help your cause.
26. Future synthetic anthropoids (*all male) will be programmed to become homo-erotic, if / when left alone together.
27. In approximately a century, humans will devise nano (?) technology that can 'carbon freeze' entire populations in an instant; however, their firearm technology will still look like it is from the video game Doom... 'cause 'bigger is better and fuck logic' is the military-industrial complex's mantra.
28. If you spot a tall, hellish monstrosity -- reminiscent of the Silent Hill film video game franchise -- seemingly communing with the shadowy figure that has led you to his sepulchre sanctum, shoot it immediately -- irrespective of whether entreated to do the very opposite or not by its 'Xenomorph charmer' handler who is clearly in control of it.
29. If invited by your new Dracula-channelling host, to venture down into some dark, dank basement or cave, and curiosity goads you to begin poking and prodding at some strange, fleshy, slimy egg-cum-over-sized-flower-bud -- that is increasingly pulsating and which then opens to reveal something reptile-like entity slithering around, parturiently inside a contained amniotic sac -- put your face right up close to it, for a better look... especially if said, snide, sinister-looking Nosferatu method actor, encourages you to do just that.
30. Faced with imminent death, use your dying breath to ask what faith the apparent 'engineer' of your demise is. (NB: This is of great import, with respect to the subsequent 'religious coup de grâce' that will serve as you ignominious valediction.)
31. If alerted to your entrapment and in need of immediate escape, split up and rush off half-cocked to find party members -- who are likely long dead -- before belatedly attempting to save yourselves.
32. Synthetic anthropoids can regenerate, near-instantly; even if they have had some vital component deliberately wrest from their bodies.
33. Latter model synths do not fight as well as older models (despite boasting of their "upgrades") and are prone to obvious distractions--which can allow for easy turning of the tables in battles that are otherwise way past fait accompli.
34. Mechanical, scrap metal claw-arms -- so heavy that their weight unbalances the space crafts they fitted to -- can nab agile Xenomorphs in their claws--in mid-air--à la Mister Miyagi does flies using chopsticks--while the craft is spinning, careening out of control.
35. A human tied to a harness, and who is then hurled around by a spacecraft -- as if a meaty yo-yo -- will incur no injuries, whatsoever.
36. Xenomorphs explode very easily; even to the point of spontaneous combustion.
37. Xenomorph blood -- normal highly acidic and capable of burning though multiple hulls of a spacecraft -- will not affect materials used to make construction equipment.
38. Xenomorph blood will not burn humans skin / flesh much more than scolding tap water does.
39. 'Face-hugger' Xenomorphs can implant their 'propagation seed' within seconds, and with no outwardly noticeable effects to their hosts -- before their hosts 'give birth'.
40. Xenomorphs have randomly generated gestation periods.
41. Humans can meander about, while Xenomorphs dash at otherworldly speeds and with Spiderman-like agility, but the latter will rarely catch the former.
42. De-pressurising a cargo bay in a space ship, takes mere moments, and even less than vastly less capacious cabins / pressure vestibules.
43. A synthetic can convincingly mimic the appearance of an earlier model, with little more than a hasty hair cut and halal hand lop.
44. Advanced computer brains that control entire spacecrafts of the future, cannot tell the difference between on-board synthetics--unless the 'bots' volunteer their I.D. names/numbers.
45. Synthetics aren't particular smart or good at carrying on a charade; and they have especially bad poker faces--when it comes to giving false re-assurance to even the most obvious questions.
46. Contrary to popular belief, it is indeed possible to make a film that is worse than Prometheus.
47. Alien was the only objectively good film in the titular series.
48. Aliens was the canary in the coal mine for, what's now, a joke franchise of films.
49. 'Prometheus 3' will undoubtedly bury the franchise for good... in a pauper's hole of ignominy... a burial site that will likely grave-desecration / -defecation.
50. Thank
Post-credits bonus scene:
51. The reason Ridley Scott's brother's committed suicide, is now all but a 'case closed'.