What Classics did you see last week? (Feb 11-17)

Webheads...

The movie begins in 1973, where a pregnant Constance Webb (Kerry Bishé) is searching for a rare type of spider to help cure a disease it’s later revealed her unborn child has when she’s betrayed by the man assisting her, Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), who kills a bunch of people, shoots Constance in a scuffle, and steals the special spider she’s caught. Peruvian spider people whisk her away and are able to deliver her child, but Constance doesn’t make it (can't imagine why being bitten by a spider probably wasn’t enough to save her...but it does have an effect on her child). Cut to 2003, where her grown-up daughter, Cassandra ‘Cassie’ Webb (Dakota Johnson), is working as a paramedic alongside Ben Parker (Adam Scott), brother-in-law to Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) who is pregnant with a certain future web-slinger. While attempting to save someone who's been in a car accident, Cassie's in an accident herself, plunging into water inside a car which triggers something and suddenly she starts experiencing future visions that start off very abstract, but then later are presented to us as watching the same events play out in a Final Destination-ish/Groundhog Day-esque kinda way. Going into this movie, I knew very little about the comic book character of Madame Web other than the fact that she's supposed to be a lot older than she's presented here.

Unlike others, I wasn't bothered by Dakota Johnson's casting one bit. She'd managed the impossible task of bringing some actual humanity to her character in the Fifty Shades movies, and I don’t think she’s given enough credit for her comedic skills in those. It’s a shame she wasn’t given more opportunity to show them off here, as she gets the odd sarcastic line, but the *one* genuinely amusing moment in the movie shows she can pull off physical comedy as well (the scene with her failed wall-climbing). Meanwhile, spider-enhanced Ezekiel’s also seeing flashes of the future which show his death caused by three masked girls, and with the help of his technology assistant, Amaria (Zosia Mamet), he eventually tracks them down and tries to kill them before they can kill him. The only thing keeping them alive is Cassie...not that they make it easy for her by disobeying her simple safety instructions. Of the three, Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney) is easily the best/most likeable, as she’s the one who expresses appreciation to Cassie for saving their lives, wants to listen to what she has to say and is empathetic, showing concern for/caring about others. She’s actually NICE.

At the other end of the spectrum is Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor), who right from her introduction, giving the finger to Cassie (who I was in total agreement with when she remarked, “Who flips off an ambulance? Kids these days!”), isn’t very likeable at all. She also sits on tables in trains instead of the chairs, threatens to press charges against Cassie for stealing her skateboard (which was the only way Cassie could get her to move when she was in the process of SAVING HER LIFE), despite the fact that Mattie had just been antagonizing cops at the train station beforehand, eats the only food the girls have when they’re dumped in the forest, and exposes them by not keeping her head down. It’s not until fairly late into the movie that Mattie becomes tolerable, where she actually appears to have grown to care about the other girls (though her continual denying Cassie a high-five remains annoying, considering everything she does to keep them safe).

The third girl, Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), is probably given the least amount of focus/development. She starts out being the most at odds with Mattie, but like all of them winds up being somewhat useful in the climactic battle against Ezekiel (though chest compression lessons are the REAL hero!). By the time all these women are working together as one, the movie’s nearly over. The biggest ‘negative’ of this movie is its villain. Ezekiel's your typical cardboard cutout villain uttering unimaginative dialogue, but a better actor could’ve at least done SOMETHING with the material given. Unfortunately, Rahim brings nothing to the role except a gruff voice. He’s about as boring a villain as they come. As usual with female-led movies, there’re those over-exaggerating how ‘bad’ it is. I believe a lot of people trashing this movie went into it wanting to hate it (some probably even made up their minds about it as soon as it was first announced), but for those who were willing to at least give it a chance...I think the biggest disappointment is that it’s not the superheroine movie we were led to believe.

While it’s probably not what a lot of people were expecting, it’s not as ‘terrible’ as it’s being made out to be. It’s just a different sort of movie to what had been presented in the trailers and it probably would’ve been better to advertise it as what is really is…which isn’t so much of a ‘superhero movie’, but more just a movie about strangers coming together against a common enemy. Those who hate the SSU (Sony’s Spider-Man Universe) or movies centred on female protagonists...this movie clearly isn’t for you. Those expecting the three female characters to become the costumed superheroes we got glimpses of in the trailers will likely be disappointed since what was in those trailers is pretty much all you get of them suited up and with powers in the movie. Apart from two brief visions of the future (the first is early in the film and the second’s at the very end), the three ladies remain normal, without powers/costumes. Really, if you removed all the spider-related stuff, it’d probably work as just a movie about a bad dude hunting women and them trying to stay alive. The lesson to be learned here is don’t save all the actual costumed superhero stuff for a sequel you mightn't even get (which is likely going to be the case here).