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Post by drystyx on Dec 23, 2017 16:52:43 GMT
Our church prayed, tithed, and fasted to a person, and agreed in prayer meetings all year long that never stopped, that by Christmas Eve, everyone in the world would be Christian.
Now I know it isn't quite Christmas Eve, but by now I know each and every one of you got the Jesus in his or her heart, along with all your pets, and now there will be world peace.
I'm sure some of you will act contrary and claim you aren't Christian yet, that you who are in denial are just faking it and pretending to be among the closed minded, narrow thinking, illiterate red neck sheep who aren't yet accepting the fact that Jesus is your king, and I realize you individuals who claim to be such are just trying to make what few fools, who really are in denial of reality, feel like they aren't alone, but we all know you are really Christians, because we prayed it, and you can't beat the Holy Ghost.
In fact, I encourage you to pretend to be non believers to make the few toothless red necks, who do deny the reality of the Holy Ghost, and who whine and bury their heads in the sand to deny the fact that the Holy Ghost of Jesus Christ is proven to exist scientifically, so they may feel less humiliated for being just obstinate, self righteous, spoiled brats who whine about Jesus. That's good that you don't make them feel so alone in their superstitious ignorance.
Well, a good year's work. Praise the lord!
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 23, 2017 17:11:49 GMT
It's a good thing that fantasies are free.
Oh, and 'two hands working do more than a thousand clasped in prayer'.
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Post by Catman on Dec 23, 2017 17:18:09 GMT
Good thing Catman is immune.
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Post by kls on Dec 23, 2017 17:38:27 GMT
Our church prayed, tithed, and fasted to a person, and agreed in prayer meetings all year long that never stopped, that by Christmas Eve, everyone in the world would be Christian.
Now I know it isn't quite Christmas Eve, but by now I know each and every one of you got the Jesus in his or her heart, along with all your pets, and now there will be world peace.
I'm sure some of you will act contrary and claim you aren't Christian yet, that you who are in denial are just faking it and pretending to be among the closed minded, narrow thinking, illiterate red neck sheep who aren't yet accepting the fact that Jesus is your king, and I realize you individuals who claim to be such are just trying to make what few fools, who really are in denial of reality, feel like they aren't alone, but we all know you are really Christians, because we prayed it, and you can't beat the Holy Ghost.
In fact, I encourage you to pretend to be non believers to make the few toothless red necks, who do deny the reality of the Holy Ghost, and who whine and bury their heads in the sand to deny the fact that the Holy Ghost of Jesus Christ is proven to exist scientifically, so they may feel less humiliated for being just obstinate, self righteous, spoiled brats who whine about Jesus. That's good that you don't make them feel so alone in their superstitious ignorance.
Well, a good year's work. Praise the lord!
In response to along with all your pets I'm afraid the prayers didn't work with my cat. She still believes she is the supreme being and will not acknowledge a power higher than herself. |
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 23, 2017 18:19:29 GMT
Our church prayed, tithed, and fasted to a person, and agreed in prayer meetings all year long that never stopped, that by Christmas Eve, everyone in the world would be Christian.
Now I know it isn't quite Christmas Eve, but by now I know each and every one of you got the Jesus in his or her heart, along with all your pets, and now there will be world peace.
I'm sure some of you will act contrary and claim you aren't Christian yet, that you who are in denial are just faking it and pretending to be among the closed minded, narrow thinking, illiterate red neck sheep who aren't yet accepting the fact that Jesus is your king, and I realize you individuals who claim to be such are just trying to make what few fools, who really are in denial of reality, feel like they aren't alone, but we all know you are really Christians, because we prayed it, and you can't beat the Holy Ghost.
In fact, I encourage you to pretend to be non believers to make the few toothless red necks, who do deny the reality of the Holy Ghost, and who whine and bury their heads in the sand to deny the fact that the Holy Ghost of Jesus Christ is proven to exist scientifically, so they may feel less humiliated for being just obstinate, self righteous, spoiled brats who whine about Jesus. That's good that you don't make them feel so alone in their superstitious ignorance.
Well, a good year's work. Praise the lord!
In response to along with all your pets I'm afraid the prayers didn't work with my cat. She still believes she is the supreme being and will not acknowledge a power higher than herself. Same with my cats, especially the exotic oriental shorthair whose glossy, expressive tail is in constant communication with the Mother Ship!  |
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Post by general313 on Dec 23, 2017 19:21:13 GMT
Our church prayed, tithed, and fasted to a person, and agreed in prayer meetings all year long that never stopped, that by Christmas Eve, everyone in the world would be Christian.
Now I know it isn't quite Christmas Eve, but by now I know each and every one of you got the Jesus in his or her heart, along with all your pets, and now there will be world peace.
I'm sure some of you will act contrary and claim you aren't Christian yet, that you who are in denial are just faking it and pretending to be among the closed minded, narrow thinking, illiterate red neck sheep who aren't yet accepting the fact that Jesus is your king, and I realize you individuals who claim to be such are just trying to make what few fools, who really are in denial of reality, feel like they aren't alone, but we all know you are really Christians, because we prayed it, and you can't beat the Holy Ghost.
In fact, I encourage you to pretend to be non believers to make the few toothless red necks, who do deny the reality of the Holy Ghost, and who whine and bury their heads in the sand to deny the fact that the Holy Ghost of Jesus Christ is proven to exist scientifically, so they may feel less humiliated for being just obstinate, self righteous, spoiled brats who whine about Jesus. That's good that you don't make them feel so alone in their superstitious ignorance.
Well, a good year's work. Praise the lord!
I'm more worried about those who claim to be Christian but obviously aren't. Why doesn't your church focus all of its attention like a high power laser on Donald Trump? |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2017 19:36:53 GMT
I am not a christian and i have never been a christian or any other religion for that matter.
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Post by maya55555 on Dec 24, 2017 2:47:32 GMT
Hey, I am praying right now.
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Post by Rodney Farber on Dec 24, 2017 15:12:21 GMT
Hey, I am preying right now.
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Post by Arlon10 on Dec 24, 2017 15:30:33 GMT
... 'two hands working do more than a thousand clasped in prayer'. I suppose that's true, but I'm certain it isn't always good. Skipping ahead here, do people praying often pray for the wrong things? I'll grant you that could happen. I certainly hope those prayers don't work. Happy Holidays. Pray with me or not, it's your choice. |
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Dec 24, 2017 16:18:09 GMT
... 'two hands working do more than a thousand clasped in prayer'. I suppose that's true, but I'm certain it isn't always good. Skipping ahead here, do people praying often pray for the wrong things? I'll grant you that could happen. I certainly hope those prayers don't work. Happy Holidays. Pray with me or not, it's your choice. So, if I pray for something bad, an all-loving god is going to grant that prayer? How many prayers does it take for god to do something? A hundred? A thousand? If I pray for something not in god's plan, is he gonna change his plan? Just for me? No, he isn't, but he's got a really good reason - he doesn't exist. Enjoy your comforting delusion of choice. I live in the real world. |
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Post by drystyx on Dec 24, 2017 17:17:17 GMT
I am not a christian and i have never been a christian or any other religion for that matter. I'm glad some of you opted to do as I said, and pretend not to be Christian, so that the ones who aren't sure won't feel so bad. It's good that you are a closet Christian. No sense in you being persecuted the way that those openly Christian are persecuted.
Hallelujah! It's just as we prayed. Thanks for sharing your role in all this. Some people have to do it.
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Post by Arlon10 on Dec 24, 2017 18:12:17 GMT
I suppose that's true, but I'm certain it isn't always good. Skipping ahead here, do people praying often pray for the wrong things? I'll grant you that could happen. I certainly hope those prayers don't work. Happy Holidays. Pray with me or not, it's your choice. So, if I pray for something bad, an all-loving god is going to grant that prayer? How many prayers does it take for god to do something? A hundred? A thousand? If I pray for something not in god's plan, is he gonna change his plan? Just for me? No, he isn't, but he's got a really good reason - he doesn't exist. Enjoy your comforting delusion of choice. I live in the real world. You misunderstood me therefore your "real world" is overrated. I admire the effort for the truth though. Good luck with that. Interesting movie quote, "Truth flourishes in fantasy only to wither and die in what you are pleased to call 'reality.'" It's from The Mummy's Curse. Skipping ahead here, yes I know it's just a silly old movie. |
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Post by Rodney Farber on Dec 27, 2017 14:36:53 GMT
OK, I'm a Christian now, thanks to your prayers. Now what?
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Post by drystyx on Dec 31, 2017 18:42:35 GMT
OK, I'm a Christian now, thanks to your prayers. Now what? Well, now that we're all Christians, because we can't deny the prayer worked, since two or more were gathered in his name, no one will ever go to Heck again. And there won't be any more wars, and no more Cancer. Since there is no more Cancer, no one will be born in early July, so no sex around September or October, least not that kind of sex unprotected.
Now, since this is a "forum", we'll still have to "discuss", for the benefit of those born after today, who may not be Christians, so war may come about because of them rotten babies. So, some of you will still have to pretend not to be "saved", and some of you even pretend to be Godless heathens, to help the babes on their discussion here.
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Post by goz on Jan 1, 2018 23:32:00 GMT
OK, I'm a Christian now, thanks to your prayers. Now what? Now you get a cookie... wait it is really only a dry wafer thingy and a sip of the worst wine ever invented! |
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Post by them1ghtyhumph on Jan 2, 2018 5:02:27 GMT
Our church prayed, tithed, and fasted to a person, and agreed in prayer meetings all year long that never stopped, that by Christmas Eve, everyone in the world would be Christian.
Now I know it isn't quite Christmas Eve, but by now I know each and every one of you got the Jesus in his or her heart, along with all your pets, and now there will be world peace.
I'm sure some of you will act contrary and claim you aren't Christian yet, that you who are in denial are just faking it and pretending to be among the closed minded, narrow thinking, illiterate red neck sheep who aren't yet accepting the fact that Jesus is your king, and I realize you individuals who claim to be such are just trying to make what few fools, who really are in denial of reality, feel like they aren't alone, but we all know you are really Christians, because we prayed it, and you can't beat the Holy Ghost.
In fact, I encourage you to pretend to be non believers to make the few toothless red necks, who do deny the reality of the Holy Ghost, and who whine and bury their heads in the sand to deny the fact that the Holy Ghost of Jesus Christ is proven to exist scientifically, so they may feel less humiliated for being just obstinate, self righteous, spoiled brats who whine about Jesus. That's good that you don't make them feel so alone in their superstitious ignorance.
Well, a good year's work. Praise the lord!
Fuck your church, Fuck Christianity. Fuck Jesus Christ. Fuck D'Orange Trump. But mostly, FUCK YOU. G.G. ALLIN IS GOD. LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH. |
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Post by Rodney Farber on Jan 2, 2018 17:51:44 GMT
OK, I'm a Christian now, thanks to your prayers. Now what? Now you get a cookie... wait it is really only a dry wafer thingy and a sip of the worst wine ever invented! Doesn't one have to go through the ritual of confirmation before one can go through the ritual of communion? Drystyx prayed and made me a Christian. I don't remember anything about being a confirmed Christian. Since I don't drink alcohol, I won't have any wine. Putting this into a cost-benefit spread sheet: Getting up on a Sunday, schlepping miles to church to listen to someone (who is no closer to God than I am) preach to me, seems hardly worth the reward of a "dry wafer thingy". Just out of curiosity, do all Christian religions go through the rituals of baptism, confirmation, and communion? What about Hymns? I remember going to an Episcopal church as a child with my grandmother, and hymns were sung at various points during the service. I recently went to a Catholic Mass as my nephew was in the Christmas pageant. No hymns were sung during the mass. (p.s. a moment of embarrassment occurred when a woman came and stood next to me. She had a basket in her hand. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with the darn thing.) |
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Post by clusium on Jan 2, 2018 19:01:47 GMT
Now you get a cookie... wait it is really only a dry wafer thingy and a sip of the worst wine ever invented! Doesn't one have to go through the ritual of confirmation before one can go through the ritual of communion? Drystyx prayed and made me a Christian. I don't remember anything about being a confirmed Christian. Since I don't drink alcohol, I won't have any wine. Putting this into a cost-benefit spread sheet: Getting up on a Sunday, schlepping miles to church to listen to someone (who is no closer to God than I am) preach to me, seems hardly worth the reward of a "dry wafer thingy". Just out of curiosity, do all Christian religions go through the rituals of baptism, confirmation, and communion? What about Hymns? I remember going to an Episcopal church as a child with my grandmother, and hymns were sung at various points during the service. I recently went to a Catholic Mass as my nephew was in the Christmas pageant. No hymns were sung during the mass. (p.s. a moment of embarrassment occurred when a woman came and stood next to me. She had a basket in her hand. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with the darn thing.) In the Eastern Churches, Confirmation (aka 'Chrismation') comes before First Holy Communion. In the Western Churches, First Holy Communion & First Holy Confession come before Confirmation. |
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Post by gadreel on Jan 2, 2018 19:14:52 GMT
I suppose that's true, but I'm certain it isn't always good. Skipping ahead here, do people praying often pray for the wrong things? I'll grant you that could happen. I certainly hope those prayers don't work. Happy Holidays. Pray with me or not, it's your choice. So, if I pray for something bad, an all-loving god is going to grant that prayer? How many prayers does it take for god to do something? A hundred? A thousand? If I pray for something not in god's plan, is he gonna change his plan? Just for me? No, he isn't, but he's got a really good reason - he doesn't exist. Enjoy your comforting delusion of choice. I live in the real world. Also because that sort of prayer, where essentially you ask God™ to do things for you or to give you things is not a very good form of prayer, in fact I would be doubtful to call it prayer at all. There is a tenuous argument I sometimes use when people say that prayer is useless and cite this type of prayer, it is possible that is may galvanise the prayerer into action or give them better focus is fixing the problem themselves, but as I say that sort of prayer is hardly prayer and it's benefits are tenuous. God™ is not a vending machine. |
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