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Post by thefleetsin on Mar 22, 2018 2:09:21 GMT
to robert frost
for i be just a scribbler he, who found a heart under a tree. thus took it home to listen in, as beats did pound and love ascend.
to heights i climbed with my new friend, upon repeated listening's in. then took my love to those who lost, found heart belonged to robert frost.
oh take this heart to be your own, for i am but a scribbler drone. who found a heart beneath a tree, thus changed the course of destiny.
sjw 03/06/10 inspired at this very moment in time by robert.
from the 'benevolent series' of poems
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 22, 2018 2:19:59 GMT
This sounds nothing like Robert Frost. Frost perfected the art of writing in demotic verse without all of the archaic syntactic inversions for the sake of rhyme that were prevalent in the 19th and 18th century. To compare:
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Post by thefleetsin on Mar 22, 2018 20:05:50 GMT
i certainly hope it doesn't.
geesh.
what kind of a scribbler would i be if i mimicked another scribbler?
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Post by koskiewicz on Mar 22, 2018 22:32:22 GMT
...you are a poser...!!!
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 23, 2018 2:56:14 GMT
i certainly hope it doesn't. geesh. what kind of a scribbler would i be if i mimicked another scribbler? You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic.
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Post by goz on Mar 23, 2018 3:33:52 GMT
i certainly hope it doesn't. geesh. what kind of a scribbler would i be if i mimicked another scribbler? You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic. Harsh!
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Post by thefleetsin on Mar 23, 2018 3:52:28 GMT
i certainly hope it doesn't. geesh. what kind of a scribbler would i be if i mimicked another scribbler? You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic. dear lord. who uses logic at a time like this? reasoning perhaps. and a slight pinch of seasoning to taste. and what kind of word is 'however' anyways? my god! my god! i gazed into dorian's eyes over ten years ago and the portal opened. . . and from there, the waters need not turn to wine. nor any stones be rolled away.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Mar 23, 2018 4:16:35 GMT
In high school the Freshman English Teacher would red pencil anything that she considered "trite" .
What seemed trite to her, to a 13 or 14 year old was a brilliant observation or fantastically original and clever phraseology of some sort.
Kinda put a cramp on enthusiastic creativity writing-wise !
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Post by thefleetsin on Mar 23, 2018 4:33:00 GMT
In high school the Freshman English Teacher would red pencil anything that she considered "trite" . What seemed trite to her, to a 13 or 14 year old was a brilliant observation or fantastically original and clever phraseology of some sort. Kinda put a cramp on enthusiastic creativity writing-wise ! i see words in the patterns of my vomit. words that sing beyond the castrations of bloated universities. words that cajole the caged and the conformed from their holding patterns. for the stars call out my name in a language translated through my heart.
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 23, 2018 6:31:19 GMT
You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic. dear lord. who uses logic at a time like this? reasoning perhaps. and a slight pinch of seasoning to taste. and what kind of word is 'however' anyways? my god! my god! i gazed into dorian's eyes over ten years ago and the portal opened. . . and from there, the waters need not turn to wine. nor any stones be rolled away. Logic and reasoning are synonyms.
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 23, 2018 6:38:20 GMT
In high school the Freshman English Teacher would red pencil anything that she considered "trite" . What seemed trite to her, to a 13 or 14 year old was a brilliant observation or fantastically original and clever phraseology of some sort. Kinda put a cramp on enthusiastic creativity writing-wise ! Good on that English teacher. Given that poetry is one of the art-forms that can be done by anyone regardless of talent or effort, we need people willing to call out that lack of talent, effort, and originality when it tries to pass itself off as something worthy of a reader's time... even if it's just a highschool English teacher's time. Negative criticism should be a provocation to do better, or at least try harder.
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 23, 2018 6:38:36 GMT
You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic. Harsh! But true!
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Post by BATouttaheck on Mar 23, 2018 11:56:56 GMT
In high school the Freshman English Teacher would red pencil anything that she considered "trite" . What seemed trite to her, to a 13 or 14 year old was a brilliant observation or fantastically original and clever phraseology of some sort. Kinda put a cramp on enthusiastic creativity writing-wise ! Good on that English teacher. Given that poetry is one of the art-forms that can be done by anyone regardless of talent or effort, we need people willing to call out that lack of talent, effort, and originality when it tries to pass itself off as something worthy of a reader's time... even if it's just a highschool English teacher's time. Negative criticism should be a provocation to do better, or at least try harder. My point was that what was "trite" to an English "teacher" was not "trite" to a High School freshman in their early teens. No explanation was ever given other than that RED PENCIL "Trite" . She was not an effective "teacher". Luckily we only had her for that one year. I said nothing about "poetry".
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Post by Eva Yojimbo on Mar 23, 2018 12:28:09 GMT
Good on that English teacher. Given that poetry is one of the art-forms that can be done by anyone regardless of talent or effort, we need people willing to call out that lack of talent, effort, and originality when it tries to pass itself off as something worthy of a reader's time... even if it's just a highschool English teacher's time. Negative criticism should be a provocation to do better, or at least try harder. My point was that what was "trite" to an English "teacher" was not "trite" to a High School freshman in their early teens. No explanation was ever given other than that RED PENCIL "Trite" . She was not an effective "teacher". Luckily we only had her for that one year. I said nothing about "poetry". It's hard to recognize triteness when you don't bother to read much literature before trying to write it. That's that laziness again. Of course, I'd be a bit easier on kids who are only doing assignments and have no desire to actually pursue literature beyond that, but I still think there's a value in them being made aware that certain things are trite. Though a better teacher would be ready and willing to provide examples of that triteness rather than just declaring it, so point taken on that.
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Post by BATouttaheck on Mar 23, 2018 12:38:05 GMT
Do people actually sit down with the intention of writing "literature "?
Hey Joe .. whatcha doin' there man ? Oh, Hi, Pete.. just sitting myself down to write some literature.
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Post by FilmFlaneur on Mar 23, 2018 13:01:28 GMT
You're always mimicking other scribblers even when you aren't doing it consciously. The very fact that you're using end-rhymes and syntactic inversions here means you're mimicking other scribblers who used them. However, if you're going to write a tribute to another poet, it would at least be logical that you wouldn't use the very devices that that particular poet made obsolete/archaic. Harsh! Frosty, even.
To be fair, while the point about imitation, or lack of, is taken, I thought the latest was one of thefleetsin's better efforts, while it ought to be noted that the last two lines of his poem deliberately place what is said in an ironic, almost self-dismissive light.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Mar 23, 2018 17:17:53 GMT
Just an "in general" comment about what it takes to write: quoteinvestigator.com/2011/09/14/writing-bleed/There is significant evidence that Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith used a version of this quote by 1949. In April of that year the influential and widely syndicated newspaper columnist Walter Winchell wrote... Red Smith was asked if turning out a daily column wasn’t quite a chore. …”Why, no,” dead-panned Red. “You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.”
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Lugh
Sophomore
@dcu
Posts: 848
Likes: 77
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Post by Lugh on Mar 23, 2018 21:10:29 GMT
In high school the Freshman English Teacher would red pencil anything that she considered "trite" . What seemed trite to her, to a 13 or 14 year old was a brilliant observation or fantastically original and clever phraseology of some sort. Kinda put a cramp on enthusiastic creativity writing-wise ! Good on that English teacher. Given that poetry is one of the art-forms that can be done by anyone regardless of talent or effort, we need people willing to call out that lack of talent, effort, and originality when it tries to pass itself off as something worthy of a reader's time... even if it's just a highschool English teacher's time. Negative criticism should be a provocation to do better, or at least try harder. "Worthy of reading" and "lack of talent" is subjective.
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Post by lowtacks86 on Mar 23, 2018 21:15:59 GMT
You should do one inspired by Andrew Dice Clay
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Post by goz on Mar 23, 2018 22:24:54 GMT
Harsh! But true! ...butt true. 'Trite' is in the brown 'eye of the beholder'!
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