|
Post by Nora on Aug 8, 2019 0:17:18 GMT
I want to go back to handshakes with most people. From hugs and kisses to hand shakes. Now with close friends it wont be a problem, Ill just tell them straight and we go back to hand shakes. But what about a bit less close friends or acquaintances or business associates etc?
How awkward is to say you wanna go back to handhakes only? After weeks/months or years of hugs and kisses. Is there any good way to say it?
Mind you this is not sexual harrasment related at all, I just dont like the kiss on cheek and hug with people unless they are my family or partner. I never used to do it but lately it has somehow became the overwhelming norm and I started reluctantly participating in it and even where I offer jist a hand it sometimes doesn work out. I have had two pepole recently say “i am a hugger” and proceeded to extend their arms/hug me/ offer thei cheek/kiss me adter I soecifically offered to shake hands.
Any tips on how to reclaim your personal space again? Without dragging “me too” in it or making someone feel sleazy? because nobody does it in a sleazyway to me its just very friendly but puts me in a situation i dont enjoy.
what would you say?
|
|
|
Post by rachelcarson1953 on Aug 8, 2019 2:45:16 GMT
I would hold my hand up in front of my face and say, "Sorry, but my doctor says I'm still infectious."
I will shake hands, but wash my hands or use hand sanitizer after, and never touch my face. Shaking hands spreads germs; sometimes, just a cold or the flu. Sometimes, a nasty rotavirus. Hugging and kissing? No frigging way.
|
|
|
Post by Ass_E9 on Aug 8, 2019 3:41:42 GMT
![](https://nationalzoo.si.edu/sites/default/files/animals/naporcupine-01.jpg) "Never had to give it much thought."
|
|
|
Post by Stammerhead on Aug 8, 2019 7:03:09 GMT
Not everyone wants to be physical and most people should appreciate that. If someone feels put out that you don't want to hug then give them a comfort blanket. Or you could do a Gloria Graham... ![](https://i.giphy.com/media/bPFg5NwwYQ6u4/giphy.gif)
|
|
|
Post by moviebuffbrad on Aug 8, 2019 7:06:35 GMT
Try putting your hand fkr a shake before they can initiate a hug and kiss. They should get the message.
|
|
|
Post by redhorizon on Aug 8, 2019 12:10:11 GMT
My nephew, when offered a handshake, gives a one-and-a-half shake and quickly releases and pulls back his hand. ![](https://s26.postimg.cc/67rye11y1/hands.gif)
|
|
|
Post by mslo79 on Aug 8, 2019 12:41:01 GMT
I tend to have the general mindset like this... I tend to assume when it comes to physically touching a random person, handshakes are about it in general. beyond that, you would probably have to know the person reasonably well to go with hugs. but kissing, that's just odd to me as it's not something you do short of someone your dating or married to and the like.
that pretty much sums up the whole handshake/hug/kissing stuff in my mind and I am sure there are plenty of others here in the USA with that same mindset.
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 8, 2019 13:17:09 GMT
Try putting your hand fkr a shake before they can initiate a hug and kiss. They should get the message. yeah I did that last week and the person said “come on gimme a hug” and proceeded to hug me and I admit my fault is not being able to stop it at that time, but this person acts like that toward everybody and is so jovial and friendly and I didn’t want to dampen the situation by making an “odd request “. I wish there were colored pins or bracelets or something I could wear to indicate I am in for handshakes only and it would be a socially acceptable norm ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 8, 2019 13:22:10 GMT
I tend to have the general mindset like this... I tend to assume when it comes to physically touching a random person, handshakes are about it in general. beyond that, you would probably have to know the person reasonably well to go with hugs. but kissing, that's just odd to me as it's not something you do short of someone your dating or married to and the like. that pretty much sums up the whole handshake/hug/kissing stuff in my mind and I am sure there are plenty of others here in the USA with that same mindset. I have the same mind set but not everyone does. it’s like i am surrounded by Joe Biden’s - you know, people for who being physical is a Normal thing they do as a sign of I don’t know, affection or trust or friendliness but without sexual undertones. And the problem is also on my side, since I have been tolerating it for some time now. So how do I get out of it after months of it going on? I am thinking about making it into a joke of how I am becoming near OCD and hugging is stressing me out or something like that.
|
|
|
Post by lenlenlen1 on Aug 8, 2019 18:38:17 GMT
I want to go back to handshakes with most people. From hugs and kisses to hand shakes. Now with close friends it wont be a problem, Ill just tell them straight and we go back to hand shakes. But what about a bit less close friends or acquaintances or business associates etc? How awkward is to say you wanna go back to handhakes only? After weeks/months or years of hugs and kisses. Is there any good way to say it? Mind you this is not sexual harrasment related at all, I just dont like the kiss on cheek and hug with people unless they are my family or partner. I never used to do it but lately it has somehow became the overwhelming norm and I started reluctantly participating in it and even where I offer jist a hand it sometimes doesn work out. I have had two pepole recently say “i am a hugger” and proceeded to extend their arms/hug me/ offer thei cheek/kiss me adter I soecifically offered to shake hands. Any tips on how to reclaim your personal space again? Without dragging “me too” in it or making someone feel sleazy? because nobody does it in a sleazyway to me its just very friendly but puts me in a situation i dont enjoy. what would you say? Well you live in NYC where everyone hags and kisses as a greeting, so you're in trouble.
But there's two ways of dealing with it:
1) Put your hand out at arms length for the handshake, before the hug comes in. The kiss wont follow.
2) Suck it up. If people think highly enough of you to kiss and hug you then accept the love.
Whats your problem? Germophobe suddenly?
Personally I love the germs. The more hugging and kissing we all do, the better!
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 8, 2019 18:50:41 GMT
I want to go back to handshakes with most people. From hugs and kisses to hand shakes. what would you say? Well you live in NYC where everyone hags and kisses as a greeting, so you're in trouble.
But there's two ways of dealing with it:
1) Put your hand out at arms length for the handshake, before the hug comes in. The kiss wont follow.
2) Suck it up. If people think highly enough of you to kiss and hug you then accept the love.
Whats your problem? Germophobe suddenly?
Personally I love the germs. The more hugging and kissing we all do, the better!
no not a germophobe just someone who feels like someones lips on me or mine on them is a bit intimate to do with people who are not family or partner. and in my case the hug is impossible to do without our chests touching and thats also something i consider a bit too intimate. i am practicing the extended hand as much as i can and it Mostly owrks but I want to retract the hugging with people where I didnt do this before or wasnt quick enougg and now its sox months later and we always hug and kiss and I dont enjoy it. and I am not good at it with them either. i always mess it up somehow. its just not good for me on any level...
|
|
|
Post by deembastille on Aug 8, 2019 22:13:26 GMT
I want to go back to handshakes with most people. From hugs and kisses to hand shakes. Now with close friends it wont be a problem, Ill just tell them straight and we go back to hand shakes. But what about a bit less close friends or acquaintances or business associates etc? How awkward is to say you wanna go back to handhakes only? After weeks/months or years of hugs and kisses. Is there any good way to say it? Mind you this is not sexual harrasment related at all, I just dont like the kiss on cheek and hug with people unless they are my family or partner. I never used to do it but lately it has somehow became the overwhelming norm and I started reluctantly participating in it and even where I offer jist a hand it sometimes doesn work out. I have had two pepole recently say “i am a hugger” and proceeded to extend their arms/hug me/ offer thei cheek/kiss me adter I soecifically offered to shake hands. Any tips on how to reclaim your personal space again? Without dragging “me too” in it or making someone feel sleazy? because nobody does it in a sleazyway to me its just very friendly but puts me in a situation i dont enjoy. what would you say? Well you live in NYC where everyone hags and kisses as a greeting, so you're in trouble.
But there's two ways of dealing with it:
1) Put your hand out at arms length for the handshake, before the hug comes in. The kiss wont follow.
2) Suck it up. If people think highly enough of you to kiss and hug you then accept the love.
Whats your problem? Germophobe suddenly?
Personally I love the germs. The more hugging and kissing we all do, the better!
I live in NYC as well. People don't do that. Not as an everyday hello, that is.
|
|
|
Post by lenlenlen1 on Aug 9, 2019 14:11:12 GMT
Well you live in NYC where everyone hags and kisses as a greeting, so you're in trouble.
But there's two ways of dealing with it:
1) Put your hand out at arms length for the handshake, before the hug comes in. The kiss wont follow.
2) Suck it up. If people think highly enough of you to kiss and hug you then accept the love.
Whats your problem? Germophobe suddenly?
Personally I love the germs. The more hugging and kissing we all do, the better!
no not a germophobe just someone who feels like someones lips on me or mine on them is a bit intimate to do with people who are not family or partner. and in my case the hug is impossible to do without our chests touching and thats also something i consider a bit too intimate. i am practicing the extended hand as much as i can and it Mostly owrks but I want to retract the hugging with people where I didnt do this before or wasnt quick enougg and now its sox months later and we always hug and kiss and I dont enjoy it. and I am not good at it with them either. i always mess it up somehow. its just not good for me on any level... My suggestion... get over it. We're human beings. We're supposed to touch one another.
|
|
|
Post by lenlenlen1 on Aug 9, 2019 14:12:18 GMT
Well you live in NYC where everyone hags and kisses as a greeting, so you're in trouble.
But there's two ways of dealing with it:
1) Put your hand out at arms length for the handshake, before the hug comes in. The kiss wont follow.
2) Suck it up. If people think highly enough of you to kiss and hug you then accept the love.
Whats your problem? Germophobe suddenly?
Personally I love the germs. The more hugging and kissing we all do, the better!
I live in NYC as well. People don't do that. Not as an everyday hello, that is. Then I guess things have changed. I lived in nyc and everyone I know used to do it. Sorry to hear that.
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 9, 2019 14:58:58 GMT
no not a germophobe just someone who feels like someones lips on me or mine on them is a bit intimate to do with people who are not family or partner. and in my case the hug is impossible to do without our chests touching and thats also something i consider a bit too intimate. i am practicing the extended hand as much as i can and it Mostly owrks but I want to retract the hugging with people where I didnt do this before or wasnt quick enougg and now its sox months later and we always hug and kiss and I dont enjoy it. and I am not good at it with them either. i always mess it up somehow. its just not good for me on any level... My suggestion... get over it. We're human beings. We're supposed to touch one another. I might but I might not. Will see. well then tell me this - imagine a woman you are distant friends with and who you have been hugging and kissing on the cheek both hello and good bye now comes to you and say she wants to go back to handshake. What can she say so you would accept it and not feel awkward about yourself or bad about the relationship etc.
|
|
|
Post by lenlenlen1 on Aug 9, 2019 16:26:56 GMT
My suggestion... get over it. We're human beings. We're supposed to touch one another. I might but I might not. Will see. well then tell me this - imagine a woman you are distant friends with and who you have been hugging and kissing on the cheek both hello and good bye now comes to you and say she wants to go back to handshake. What can she say so you would accept it and not feel awkward about yourself or bad about the relationship etc. I personally am not the kind of person that would take that as an insult. As a human being I would wonder what that was all about, but then I would move on and not harp on it.
I do have some friends who are not touchy feely that way. You can tell when someone is not hugging full on, its kinda cringey. When that happens I catch the drift.
But if I were you I would really analyze why this bothers you. If you stop to think about it... there's really nothing wrong with people expressing affection for one another. So whats really the problem?
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 9, 2019 17:30:51 GMT
I might but I might not. Will see. I personally am not the kind of person that would take that as an insult. As a human being I would wonder what that was all about, but then I would move on and not harp on it.
I do have some friends who are not touchy feely that way. You can tell when someone is not hugging full on, its kinda cringey. When that happens I catch the drift.
But if I were you I would really analyze why this bothers you. If you stop to think about it... there's really nothing wrong with people expressing affection for one another. So whats really the problem?
thats me. Its super cringey with me. I almost never guess right which side to go toward (I am a lefty so I naturally do things differently), or if I am the one kissing or receiving the kiss, or how many kisses it is (one cheek or both? on the lips or on the cheek or all? people really differ especially between nationalities), I dont estimate the distance well, and I dont enjoy it with those that I wouldnt want to sleep with. THATS the devision maker for me. Those that I feel physically attracted to I enjoy it with, those that not, then I dont enjoy it. Therefore I dont hug or dont wanna hug with most friends and colleagues since I dont feel attracted to them. I am sure the problem is on my side, no question about it, and if I wanna play arcm chair psychologist then its the fackt that I grew up in a family of non huggers. I am just looking for a way thats the least awkward or harmful to get out of situations I continue not to enjoy since its not really getting better over the years of me practiing (about 5 years). I love being physical with those I sleep with. But those that are not my partners, not so much. but I in no way judge those that see it differently. U a hugger? Good for you. I think hugging is healthy. Its me/us who are the effed up ones I think.
|
|
|
Post by lenlenlen1 on Aug 15, 2019 14:44:23 GMT
I personally am not the kind of person that would take that as an insult. As a human being I would wonder what that was all about, but then I would move on and not harp on it.
I do have some friends who are not touchy feely that way. You can tell when someone is not hugging full on, its kinda cringey. When that happens I catch the drift.
But if I were you I would really analyze why this bothers you. If you stop to think about it... there's really nothing wrong with people expressing affection for one another. So whats really the problem?
thats me. Its super cringey with me. I almost never guess right which side to go toward (I am a lefty so I naturally do things differently), or if I am the one kissing or receiving the kiss, or how many kisses it is (one cheek or both? on the lips or on the cheek or all? people really differ especially between nationalities), I dont estimate the distance well, and I dont enjoy it with those that I wouldnt want to sleep with. THATS the devision maker for me. Those that I feel physically attracted to I enjoy it with, those that not, then I dont enjoy it. Therefore I dont hug or dont wanna hug with most friends and colleagues since I dont feel attracted to them. I am sure the problem is on my side, no question about it, and if I wanna play arcm chair psychologist then its the fackt that I grew up in a family of non huggers. I am just looking for a way thats the least awkward or harmful to get out of situations I continue not to enjoy since its not really getting better over the years of me practiing (about 5 years). I love being physical with those I sleep with. But those that are not my partners, not so much. but I in no way judge those that see it differently. U a hugger? Good for you. I think hugging is healthy. Its me/us who are the effed up ones I think. If we ever meet... I'm hugging you...
|
|
|
Post by Nora on Aug 15, 2019 18:10:27 GMT
Yep thats me. I love being physical with those I sleep with. But those that are not my partners, not so much. but I in no way judge those that see it differently. U a hugger? Good for you. I think hugging is healthy. Its me/us who are the effed up ones I think. If we ever meet... I'm hugging you... yeah I would expect as much from you ;-)
|
|
|
Post by london777 on Aug 15, 2019 18:26:18 GMT
A smack in the mouth for your first few "contacts" and the word will soon get around.
|
|