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Post by CoolJGS☺ on Apr 18, 2017 14:20:06 GMT
To be clear, you may very well have a sucky mother.
However, she isn't sucky on the basis of her wanting you to share her beliefs.
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Apr 18, 2017 14:22:10 GMT
I just say thanks. I get the point of the phrase without agreeing with the means. When someone says they'll pray for you it's just to show that your best interest is in their thoughts. Unless it's meant as a 'you're a screwup' kinda way and then I'd probably still say thanks just with a lot more sarcasm.My mother doesn't 'get' sarcasm, but yeah, she means it as a 'you're a screwup' kinda way .
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Post by rachelcarson1953 on Apr 18, 2017 14:36:09 GMT
To be clear, you may very well have a sucky mother. However, she isn't sucky on the basis of her wanting you to share her beliefs. Spoken like a theist.
A very large part of why I rejected religion had to do with her actions not matching her professed beliefs. I believe it was you that I exchanged posts with on another thread, so you do know some of the backstory. FYI, that's the tip of the iceberg.
I'll go back to the online abuse support group to discuss my mother from here on out.
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islandmur
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All religions have messages of peace and love yet all religions are used for wars and hatred...
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Post by islandmur on Apr 18, 2017 15:15:54 GMT
Like i said even with a back story it's still spiteful. I haven't read any of your background by the way. But that is no excuse. Nothing in the story you laid out indicates any other reply than a thanks and shrugg off on your part, unless you do want to hurt.
Honestly I am baffled as to the point of this thread which is why I reacted strongly to it.
Anyways i hope you find some peace with your mother because it seems it's needed. Best way I know how to deal with horrible parents is to stop expecting them to be "parents".
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Post by Sulla on Apr 18, 2017 15:26:07 GMT
I guess I'm lucky. Everyone in my extended family is a Christian, but they're not pushy about it. They know I'm not a believer and they never bring up the subject. When strangers say they'll pray for me, I've just learned to ignore it. It seldom happens. But I understand it isn't as easy for you because you live in a different area and there seem to be deeper issues with your mother.
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Post by CoolJGS☺ on Apr 18, 2017 15:33:16 GMT
To be clear, you may very well have a sucky mother. However, she isn't sucky on the basis of her wanting you to share her beliefs. Spoken like a theist.
A very large part of why I rejected religion had to do with her actions not matching her professed beliefs. I believe it was you that I exchanged posts with on another thread, so you do know some of the backstory. FYI, that's the tip of the iceberg.
I'll go back to the online abuse support group to discuss my mother from here on out.
It has nothing to do with being a "theist" unless you think theists behave more decently than atheists.
You are literally getting upset about your mother being who she is which is bizarre.
It just validates that there are more than a few atheists out there that are overly sensitive to something that doesn't affect their life.
If your mother is truly that horrible or if you think she hates you instead of loves you, then you should have cut her off ages ago.
Otherwise, her alleged hypocrisy may not have anything to do with wanting to see you make right choices. She just may not be able to practice what she preaches. It's irrelevant.
You can't say she sucks and then pretend to have a relationship with her.
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Post by cupcakes on Apr 18, 2017 16:16:50 GMT
tpfkar It's just patently obvious that you'll zip off to lalaland at the drop of a hat to push your persecuted line. I don't know how you could get any kookier than suggesting that her relationship with her mom, which the nagging is plainly a part of, shouldn't affect her life. Disowning for having a different belief would be silly although being a hateful, lowdown dirty, resenful atheist livng in my house could get you the boot at 18. It's best not to bite the hand that feeds you.
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squeaky
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Post by squeaky on Apr 18, 2017 16:23:19 GMT
You claimed she prayed for specific things for you as for exemple not to get in a car accident. You added the convert to her beliefs after you recieved a mild rebuke. Now it's about her not respecting your right to choose. Are you certain you are 60? Guess what? religion or not, nagging or not, passive agressive or not, you're lucky to still have a mother who cares for you so you swallow your annoyances and let her be herself she's not going to change at this late in her life and you enjoy the last few years you will have togheter. This has nothing to do with religion She's not dragging you to church, she's not making you pray... so yeah even if she's being passive agressive about it so what. Is it really now in her 80's that you need to find a way to "befuddle" her enough so she would never pray for you again? really? because you think there is really a way for you to pull this off and NOT hurt your mother deeply ? on a spiritual level? making her think in her last years that she failed to save her son/daughter? If you have some back story on how she was a terrible mother who deserves this so that you won't be annoyed.... let's hear it. And even then it would still be spiteful. Yes, there is a backstory, some of which has appeared in other of my posts, but since I've been pre-judged here, I am not going to post anymore than I already have. Suffice it to say, not every mother is a good one. My Dad was the only real, genuine parent I had. Translation: even the atheists are disagreeing with me so I'm going to run away and cry like the whiny little bitch that I am.
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Post by phludowin on Apr 18, 2017 16:29:49 GMT
This must be one of the most spiteful thing i've read on a forum to date. You are 60 so your mother must be in her 80's? Pretty soon she won't bother you with her invisible friend anymore. How dare she pray for you to be well! Do you have a possibility to set the board view to "nest"? Because I don't know which post you are replying to, and which part of it you found "spiteful".
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Post by cupcakes on Apr 18, 2017 16:37:23 GMT
tpfkar Your faith has worked wonders for you. They know that yet they keep bringing it up...implying I had an interest in the children. It was an insult against the parent. The guy lived with his parents and I wondered how they all fit in the house at night when they slept. I wondered if some had to sleep in the garage or elsewhere.
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islandmur
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All religions have messages of peace and love yet all religions are used for wars and hatred...
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Post by islandmur on Apr 18, 2017 16:39:21 GMT
This must be one of the most spiteful thing i've read on a forum to date. You are 60 so your mother must be in her 80's? Pretty soon she won't bother you with her invisible friend anymore. How dare she pray for you to be well! Do you have a possibility to set the board view to "nest"? Because I don't know which post you are replying to, and which part of it you found "spiteful". I was replying to the OP.
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Post by Sulla on Apr 18, 2017 16:44:27 GMT
CoolJGS☺
It happens all the time. It's just not a good relationship. Cutting off a parent is a last resort. She never said the situation was intolerable.
There have been some harsh criticisms in this thread based on limited information. It's impossible to objectively judge this situation without knowing all the details of a relationship which has been decades in the making.
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Post by captainbryce on Apr 19, 2017 16:51:29 GMT
I think the question you need to be asking yourself is why do you need to say anything at all? In other words, why does this bother you so much? If she believes it but you do not then what's the problem? Why does her expressing her belief in a positive way offend you?
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Post by CoolJGS☺ on Apr 19, 2017 17:06:55 GMT
CoolJGS☺
It happens all the time. It's just not a good relationship. Cutting off a parent is a last resort. She never said the situation was intolerable.
There have been some harsh criticisms in this thread based on limited information. It's impossible to objectively judge this situation without knowing all the details of a relationship which has been decades in the making.
I agree. However, it is pointless to pick and choose an issue with a bad parent unless one cannot take it and then it is perfectly reasonable to get them out of your life.
I also think harsh criticism can be justified based on the limited information given which started out asking how to counter someone praying for them. One should not assume sympathy for a subject with limited information.
Further, I don't think it's harsh criticism to say sit and take it when someone loves you enough to pray for you even if you don't hold to those prayers. At the time, I wasn't aware her mother may be bonkers, but that's the least bonkers part of it.
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Post by Aj_June on Apr 19, 2017 20:14:13 GMT
I am an apatheist (though I learned this word just a few days back on this board). I say thanks to people when they say they are praying for me. Though none of them say are praying for me because they want to convert me.
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Post by pennypacker on Apr 20, 2017 6:05:21 GMT
I don't know that I'm still an atheist, but even when I was I never really was offended when people said that.
I'll never complain about people, particularly my family/loved ones, sending good thoughts my way. Praying is really personal, and really special to people. To be included in that is honestly one of the nicest gestures I can think of. If I did complain about people praying for me, I wouldn't be deserving of their prayers.
I'm sure my mother has prayed specially for me to convert back to her belief system, but that's still because she thinks its best for me. I can disagree with her, but I'll never complain about her wanting what she thinks is best for me...
Tell her you appreciate it, and change the conversation.
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londonbird
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Post by londonbird on Apr 20, 2017 11:09:51 GMT
What do you say to a relative, with whom you have to stay in contact, when that relative says, "I'll pray for you" or more specifically "I'll pray that (xyz) happens."
Examples might be, getting a new job when you know there are no jobs that pay as much as you make now, or that you get a raise when you know your company has a hold on raises at the time.
When the wrong outcome becomes obvious, what do you say? "Well, you must not have prayed hard enough", which is pretty snarky. Or something a bit gentler, like, "well, god must have been busy when you prayed", or "apparently the CFO of our company outranks god."
I guess I am looking for a way to not offend a little old lady who's beliefs have supported her all her life, but to say something that discourages that statement in the future.
My aged mother has been praying for me to not be in a traffic accident since 2003 when I got a job with a super-long commute. I've had only two minor accidents before the age of twenty, and I'm in my sixties now. I am a really focused, attentive driver, always watching what the traffic around me is doing. I detour around accidents ahead posted on the Traffic Billboard, take back routes when traffic is heavy, or wait for the rush to slow down. My mother takes my history of no accidents on this long commute as EVIDENCE that her prayers are working (and I'm not willing to have an accident just to prove her wrong, though it's fun to picture the scenario!)
I just get tired of the constant insistence of invoking her super-natural invisible friend.
Any ideas on a comment that will avoid a full-blown rant about my disbelief in a deity, and leave her befuddled enough that she never makes the statement again? Christians were great at non-answering my questions by making me feel guilty to even question, but it doesn't work in reverse, unfortunately. I fail to see the problem. Just say thank you graciously and leave it at that. It's not hurting anyone. I identify as religious but never say I will pray for you, in fact I find it very annoying but it's really not hurting anyone and makes them feel better.
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Post by Edward-Elizabeth-Hitler on Apr 20, 2017 17:15:34 GMT
Yes, there is a backstory, some of which has appeared in other of my posts, but since I've been pre-judged here, I am not going to post anymore than I already have. Suffice it to say, not every mother is a good one. My Dad was the only real, genuine parent I had. Translation: even the atheists are disagreeing with me so I'm going to run away and cry like the whiny little bitch that I am. Please fck off blade.
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Post by Cinemachinery on Apr 20, 2017 18:28:03 GMT
I usually just say something like "Thanks".
I just snapped my ACL - my FB feed was filled with prayerful thoughts from my southern contingent. They mean well.
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Post by theoncomingstorm on Apr 20, 2017 23:30:38 GMT
I usually just say something like "Thanks". I just snapped my ACL - my FB feed was filled with prayerful thoughts from my southern contingent. They mean well. I'll pray for you.
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