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Post by masterofallgoons on Oct 22, 2021 3:06:59 GMT
No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Oct 22, 2021 18:27:07 GMT
Jerry: That damn mohel! He circumcised my finger. The mohel circumcised my finger.
Elaine: You flinched.
Jerry: Flinched? I did not flinch. George, did I flinch?
Elaine: Oh, how would he know? He blacked out. He fainted.
George: It was very traumatic. The last thing I remember was you flinching. Then everything went black.
Jerry: Who's got tissues? I need more tissues. Look at this thing. It's my phone finger!
George: Careful. You're getting blood all over.
Kramer: What about the baby?
Jerry: Oh, the baby's fine. They just took him to the hospital as a precautionary measure. But look at me. I'm the one who's hurt!
Elaine: Will you stop it? You're just gonna need a few stitches.
Jerry: A few stitches? I've never had stitches. I'll be deformed. I can't live with that. Goes against my personality. It's not me.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Oct 24, 2021 18:18:47 GMT
George: You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "it's not you, it's me." Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me!
Gwen: All right, George, it's you.
George: You're damn right it's me.
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Post by Rufus-T on Oct 24, 2021 18:30:27 GMT
Your Nana is missing because she's been passing those bum checks all over town and she finally pissed off the wrong people.
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Oct 26, 2021 16:26:39 GMT
Elaine: Oh, uh, wait a second. Would you like to come, upstairs?
Robert: Upstairs?
Elaine: Yeah. Upstairs?
Robert: Elaine.
Elaine: I was hoping, you know, you might be interested in changing teams?
Robert: Changing teams?
Elaine: Have you ever thought about it?
Robert: But I'm a starting shortstop.
Elaine: Robert, we need a shortstop.
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Oct 27, 2021 23:50:01 GMT
Jerry: What's with you?
Kramer: No more golf.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: You remember I told you about the pro, you know, at the Westchester country club who's letting me play a free round every time I gave him a couple of those Cuban cigars?
Jerry: Yeah?
Kramer: Well, I lost them all in that fire! Hey, George, maybe you can ask Susan's father for some more, huh?
George: Are you crazy? I can't ask the guy for more cigars after you burned down his cabin!
Kramer: Why? What's one thing got to do with another?
George: Kramer, please!
Kramer: Well, I can't go back to the public courses now. I can't, I won't! You know what that's like? It's crowded, the grass has big brown patches in it. They don't rake the sand traps! Not to mention the caliber of people you have to play with!
George: Kramer, I can't help you, you're gonna have to get them someplace else.
Kramer: Where? They're Cubans!
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Post by theauxphou on Oct 28, 2021 13:34:29 GMT
You defile one book, steal another, ask for your money back and, to you, that’s even?
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Post by masterofallgoons on Oct 30, 2021 4:55:16 GMT
I just don't like the idea that any time there is a dinner invitation there's this annoying little chore that goes along with it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2021 14:22:09 GMT
"I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 1, 2021 5:37:35 GMT
JERRY: what is it with you and Tony? what are you? You’re like his sidekick now?
GEORGE: yeah that's right. I like him. He's such a cool guy
JERRY: cool guy? what are you, in 8th grade?
GEORGE: he's the first cool guy I've ever been friends with in my whole life. You know.. it's a different world when you're with a cool guy, he's not afraid of anybody. You should hear the way he talks to waitresses.. he gets free pie!
(Kramer enters)
KRAMER: hey
EVERYBODY: hey
GEORGE: hey nice move today
KRAMER: what?
GEORGE: horning on my rock climbing trip. It's just supposed to be me and Tony
KRAMER: he asked me
GEORGE: you put him on the spot!
KRAMER: you know I think you're in love with him
GEORGE: what?.. that's ridiculous!
KRAMER: no no no, I don't think so. You love him
GEORGE: you better be careful on those rocks tomorrow buddy. And you're not getting any sandwiches either!
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Post by theauxphou on Nov 2, 2021 8:37:27 GMT
You know you’re infringing on my right to celebrate new holidays??
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Post by HumanFundRecipient on Nov 3, 2021 22:22:38 GMT
Newman: Hello. What's this?
George: I was dropping off the calzone money for the week- shouldn't you be at work right now?
Newman: Work? It's raining.
George: So....
Newman: I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
George: You don't work in the rain? You're a mailman! Neither rain, nor sleet, it's the first one!
Newman: I was never that big on creeds!
George: You're supposed to deliver my calzones, we had a deal!
Newman: I believe the deal was that I get your calzones on my route! But today, I won't be going on my route, will I? Perhaps tomorrow.
George: But I'm paying you!
Newman: Yes, thanks!
George: NEWMAN!
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 4, 2021 0:04:06 GMT
Jerry: Hey, you know what, I read the most unbelievable thing about Tolstoy the other day. Did you know the original title for "War and Peace" was "War - What Is It Good For?"!
Elaine: Ha ha.
Jerry: No, no. I'm not kidding, Elaine. It's true. His mistress didn't like the title and insisted that he change it to "War and Peace"!
Elaine: But it's a line from that song.
Jerry: That's where they got it from.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2021 1:47:22 GMT
"You think they have fleas there!"
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Post by masterofallgoons on Nov 4, 2021 11:21:19 GMT
No, it isn't. And the most distressing part about it is not that she went out with him, but that he stopped seeing her. Do you understand? He, Newman - Newman stopped seeing her. Newman never stopped seeing anybody. Newman will see whoever is willing to see him. So the question then is not so much why did she see him - as disturbing as that is - but why did he, Newman, stop seeing her?
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Post by Rufus-T on Nov 4, 2021 17:48:24 GMT
We're calling just to say, "I'm there for you." Then, after a period of being "there for you", we slowly remove the two words "for you", and we're just "there".
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 4, 2021 18:09:35 GMT
We're calling just to say, "I'm there for you." Then, after a period of being "there for you", we slowly remove the two words "for you", and we're just "there". JERRY: Hey, remember Beth and David from yesterday? They got separated. GEORGE: Really? Well, you don't think it had anything to do with what I said, do you? JERRY: What'd you say? GEORGE: You know, that, that thing about her being too good for him. I mean, I was just bein' folksy. They could tell I was just being folksy..? ELAINE: Yeah, I thought you were being folksy. GEORGE: Totally folksy.
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Post by Rufus-T on Nov 4, 2021 20:29:42 GMT
We're calling just to say, "I'm there for you." Then, after a period of being "there for you", we slowly remove the two words "for you", and we're just "there". JERRY: Hey, remember Beth and David from yesterday? They got separated. GEORGE: Really? Well, you don't think it had anything to do with what I said, do you? JERRY: What'd you say? GEORGE: You know, that, that thing about her being too good for him. I mean, I was just bein' folksy. They could tell I was just being folksy..? ELAINE: Yeah, I thought you were being folksy. GEORGE: Totally folksy. Jerry, Jerry, the most unbelievable thing has happened. It is so unbelievable! I'm sitting in the coffee shop, I'm talking to Susan, we're talking about the shoelace, right? So in walks David, right? He walks right up to the table, right? I introduce him to Susan, and he says... Now, get this. He says, "Boy, you could do a lot better than this guy." He said the exact same thing that I said to him, just to get back at me. And then she says she wants to be alone for a while. Alone, Jerry. I think that she thinks that she could do better. Do you appreciate this? You see the irony of this? You see what's going on here?
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 5, 2021 1:04:48 GMT
JERRY: Hey, remember Beth and David from yesterday? They got separated. GEORGE: Really? Well, you don't think it had anything to do with what I said, do you? JERRY: What'd you say? GEORGE: You know, that, that thing about her being too good for him. I mean, I was just bein' folksy. They could tell I was just being folksy..? ELAINE: Yeah, I thought you were being folksy. GEORGE: Totally folksy. Jerry, Jerry, the most unbelievable thing has happened. It is so unbelievable! I'm sitting in the coffee shop, I'm talking to Susan, we're talking about the shoelace, right? So in walks David, right? He walks right up to the table, right? I introduce him to Susan, and he says... Now, get this. He says, "Boy, you could do a lot better than this guy." He said the exact same thing that I said to him, just to get back at me. And then she says she wants to be alone for a while. Alone, Jerry. I think that she thinks that she could do better. Do you appreciate this? You see the irony of this? You see what's going on here? George: What's the matter? Jerry: I'm nauseous
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Post by thebayharborbutcher on Nov 6, 2021 4:52:06 GMT
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
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